Vast Shadowover 1 year ago
The first sentence sounds tacky, it should be removed. The second sentence should remove "perhaps".
This would be a better opening paragraph.
"It might be a good time to reflect, rethink, recharge, and reignite. I sincerely urge you to put education on your agenda."
You should limit illustrative words... It can allude focus and to much exaggeration is annoying and unrealistic. Keeping simplicity and being direct makes a sentence easy to read.
Second paragraph, second sentence is too demeaning:
"Sadly, your administration has contributed significantly to the mounting catastrophe."
You should also write that in form of past-tense and not exaggerate the president's wrong doings, it is more insulting your way. This way sounds better...
"Sadly, your administration did contributed significant catastrophe."
You should also re-arrange paragraphs... The third paragraph is not very relavent too education reform... It splits topic and picks up the education topic back on the 4th paragraph. You should make the 4th paragraph the 3rd one.
Paraphrasing builds conception... Splitting off topics make the direct message skewed into a clutter or jumbled idea.
Thats all the free lessons you get. Other then that its a good letter... Needs some minor tweaks to grammar and paragraphing arrangement. Simple and direct is all you have to do. You have an illustrative means to the method of how you congregate words... Hmm think I seen that before... Either way.
Good luck with that.