lee camp
satirist/ comedian/ producer
- September 20, 2007 • 10:46 am PDT
- + responses
"Farewell Sweet Blackwater (from the point of view of an Iraqi civilian)"
By Lee Camp dot net
Ah, sweet, virtuous, chaste Blackwater, I learned today that we Iraqis must bid you farewell, as discussed in this article: www.news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070917/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq. How little time our love for each other had to blossom. It seems like just yesterday we first heard your thunderous mercenary bullets ripping through our living rooms. We agreed with your dislike of suicide bombers and terrorists, but we slightly differed on your view that the answer was to shoot my cousin in the leg and blow up my grandma's house.
So I ask, is there anything more loving than a soldier for hire?
It seems like we just met, and yet now you're leaving, our relationship shattered like so many Iraqi power grids. Your allegiance to money over any race of people or nationality was a novel concept to many of us. A concept that seemed noble in its simplicity. Also romantic in its purity and directness was your mission: Kill those who looked at you funny. And "funny†perfectly describes our time together... not "ha ha†funny but more "ow, ow, ow! Why are you doing that? Where are you taking me?†funny.
You were accountable to no one - not the U.S. government, not the Iraqi government, not the U.S. or Iraqi people, and not even the military. Less Blackwater troops were prosecuted for wrongdoing than good Samaritans feeding expired parking meters in New York City. I've only heard of two types of people who are accountable to no one - super heroes and super villains. Seeing as super heroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes, you are clearly the latter. You protected some people that should be protected and some that should not. You killed some people that should be killed and some that just chose to use the outhouse at the wrong time. But one thing was reliable, fair Blackwater, you picked up your paychecks on the first of every month. And sizeable paychecks they were. If you add them all up over the past four years, they amounted to ...oh, I don't know, what's a good comparison ...enough to rebuild the infrastructure of a medium-sized country.
So long sweet Blackwater. We will always remember your ability to seamlessly blend courage, recklessness, and large large guns. We hope you are welcomed home to America with open arms and open arms deals.
(get more at www.LeeCamp.net)
By Lee Camp dot net
Ah, sweet, virtuous, chaste Blackwater, I learned today that we Iraqis must bid you farewell, as discussed in this article: www.news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070917/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq. How little time our love for each other had to blossom. It seems like just yesterday we first heard your thunderous mercenary bullets ripping through our living rooms. We agreed with your dislike of suicide bombers and terrorists, but we slightly differed on your view that the answer was to shoot my cousin in the leg and blow up my grandma's house.
So I ask, is there anything more loving than a soldier for hire?
It seems like we just met, and yet now you're leaving, our relationship shattered like so many Iraqi power grids. Your allegiance to money over any race of people or nationality was a novel concept to many of us. A concept that seemed noble in its simplicity. Also romantic in its purity and directness was your mission: Kill those who looked at you funny. And "funny†perfectly describes our time together... not "ha ha†funny but more "ow, ow, ow! Why are you doing that? Where are you taking me?†funny.
You were accountable to no one - not the U.S. government, not the Iraqi government, not the U.S. or Iraqi people, and not even the military. Less Blackwater troops were prosecuted for wrongdoing than good Samaritans feeding expired parking meters in New York City. I've only heard of two types of people who are accountable to no one - super heroes and super villains. Seeing as super heroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes, you are clearly the latter. You protected some people that should be protected and some that should not. You killed some people that should be killed and some that just chose to use the outhouse at the wrong time. But one thing was reliable, fair Blackwater, you picked up your paychecks on the first of every month. And sizeable paychecks they were. If you add them all up over the past four years, they amounted to ...oh, I don't know, what's a good comparison ...enough to rebuild the infrastructure of a medium-sized country.
So long sweet Blackwater. We will always remember your ability to seamlessly blend courage, recklessness, and large large guns. We hope you are welcomed home to America with open arms and open arms deals.
(get more at www.LeeCamp.net)
