Scarlett Johansson Is Not The Cure

Not often do we treat you to an album review, but we can’t resist the pop culture phenomenon that is Scarlett Johansson’s singing career. She has just collaborated with iTunes to bring us a five-song follow-up to the “prolonged assault” on Tom Waits’s music that was her covers album Anywhere I Lay My Head. Her new Live Sessions EP features a few more refrains of Waits, plus an aberration of “Boys Don’t Cry” by The Cure.

If you have several minutes of time and energy to sacrifice, listen for yourself. Note the Casio xylophone-esque instrumentation, and the gaspy, atonal drone that is Miss Johansson’s vocal treatment. You might actually enjoy it if you’re so taken with Johansson’s hotness that you’re charmed beyond your senses—specifically, your sense of hearing.

Note: we’re not saying that Johansson is a musical failure; her last brush with pop—the 9-minute epic saga that is JT’s “What Goes Around Comes Around” music video—kept her in her professional comfort zone, irresistibly dolled up and making out with Justin Timberlake before a cold-hearted betrayal that ends in fire and brimstone. Now that was worthwhile. Why push the envelope?

While we don’t disagree with her tastes—Waits and the Cure so far—her musical enthusiasm might be better placed making us all a great mix tape. She might enjoy singing but frankly, well, we don’t give a damn.