I have always been one not to tell friends back home of the stories that would reinforce negative beliefs about teaching in the inner city. I also find that, generally speaking, when I say I teach in an inner city, people automatically equate that to meaning, "Oh, you teach black kids."
I started with the above, because this week was especially a trying week. It has nothing to do with race or financial discrepancies. But has everything to do with realizing how emotionally broken some of my students are and myself.
Friday was a particularly trying day, and definitely not a positive capstone to the week. One of my students came into school with his face looking like a 2-D figure. It was as if someone ironed his face, it was completely flat and the bridge of his nose was gone. Allegedly it is gang affiliation/initiation week, and that played a part in his appearance. Later, I assisted in stopping my first female fight, and it was with one of my students involved.
However, the hardest part of the day truly was my teaching of helping verbs. This week, I had the major realization that the majority of my students do not know how to identify verbs. In a school system where English testing is based on reading comprehension, grammar has been virtually ignored is what I have been told. I was blessed with the opportunity to go to a small school where the teachers prepared me for college. All I want to do is give them the same chance I had.
Already though a problem arose, I did say the majority of my students did not know this material. But for the students that did, they began saying comments about how this is boring and too easy. For my students who did not know this, they probably felt insecure and began attacking the other students with personal digs. Next thing I knew, I was lecturing my students on how to treat one another with respect.
Every action I observe on the surface usually is rooted in a much deeper issue. Insecurity is one of the main deeper issues in my students' lives and as I have recently realized in my own. My students will talk back, curse, fight, or attack one another all out of insecurity. It is not their fault. They have had people quit on them all their lives or always been compared to the suburbs and other schools which is currently an unfair comparison. I tell my students everyday that they are smarter than they know, they just do not have all the tools yet to showcase their brilliance.
In my own life, I have looked to fill voids in all the wrong places. However, it is time to fill my insecurity with something stable and something real. For my students, I need to check myself when I am frustration and not add to their insecurity. Instead, I need to be a true leader for them and show them the way. This is particularly a challenging ordeal when each day I leave my classroom feeling like I am the one who has learned the most, yet I have the title of teacher.
I want to see more smiles from my students. I want to see more smiles from my students. I want to see more smiles from my students. I want life to flourish in my classroom. And instead of all this talk of closing an achievement gap, why don't we close the gap of insecurity, pain, and loss in our students' hearts.
I started with the above, because this week was especially a trying week. It has nothing to do with race or financial discrepancies. But has everything to do with realizing how emotionally broken some of my students are and myself.
Friday was a particularly trying day, and definitely not a positive capstone to the week. One of my students came into school with his face looking like a 2-D figure. It was as if someone ironed his face, it was completely flat and the bridge of his nose was gone. Allegedly it is gang affiliation/initiation week, and that played a part in his appearance. Later, I assisted in stopping my first female fight, and it was with one of my students involved.
However, the hardest part of the day truly was my teaching of helping verbs. This week, I had the major realization that the majority of my students do not know how to identify verbs. In a school system where English testing is based on reading comprehension, grammar has been virtually ignored is what I have been told. I was blessed with the opportunity to go to a small school where the teachers prepared me for college. All I want to do is give them the same chance I had.
Already though a problem arose, I did say the majority of my students did not know this material. But for the students that did, they began saying comments about how this is boring and too easy. For my students who did not know this, they probably felt insecure and began attacking the other students with personal digs. Next thing I knew, I was lecturing my students on how to treat one another with respect.
Every action I observe on the surface usually is rooted in a much deeper issue. Insecurity is one of the main deeper issues in my students' lives and as I have recently realized in my own. My students will talk back, curse, fight, or attack one another all out of insecurity. It is not their fault. They have had people quit on them all their lives or always been compared to the suburbs and other schools which is currently an unfair comparison. I tell my students everyday that they are smarter than they know, they just do not have all the tools yet to showcase their brilliance.
In my own life, I have looked to fill voids in all the wrong places. However, it is time to fill my insecurity with something stable and something real. For my students, I need to check myself when I am frustration and not add to their insecurity. Instead, I need to be a true leader for them and show them the way. This is particularly a challenging ordeal when each day I leave my classroom feeling like I am the one who has learned the most, yet I have the title of teacher.
I want to see more smiles from my students. I want to see more smiles from my students. I want to see more smiles from my students. I want life to flourish in my classroom. And instead of all this talk of closing an achievement gap, why don't we close the gap of insecurity, pain, and loss in our students' hearts.
