The Beep Beep Method

While at Starbucks last week, a fellow coffee connoisseur passed on a very interesting tidbit of advice on how to broach the subject of addressing someone who is retelling a story that they have already told you. Now personally, I have never done this as I keep a log of all stories I have ever told and who is present at the time. But clearly there are some very lazy people out there who do not do this and as a result subject us to the same stories again and again and again.

This fellow and his girlfriend use a method called “Beep! Beep!” This is not an acronym. These are the actual sounds they make when one or the other is telling a story that has already been told before. Here is how it works. If I start to tell the story about how I came in second place in my grade 2 gymnastics floor routine competition and you have already heard this story (which is entirely possible, but really, I log rolled like there was no tomorrow), you would subtly say, “Beep! Beep!” This is my queue to know that I have already told this story. No feelings get hurt as it is a fun and safe way to really say, “Zip it selective memory boy! We have heard it already.”

The challenge however comes when someone, again me, continues to tell the story after I have already heard the initial “Beep! Beep!” I guess that a more aggressive “BEEP! BEEP!” would be in order. Should I ignore this, which is highly probable as I will probably be in the midst of telling everyone how I performed 3 consecutive somersaults before being so dizzy that I toppled over into the parents who were in attendance, it might be in your best interest to scream “BEEP! BEEP!” followed by a few expletives and personal putdowns. Finally, when this fails, and it will, might I suggest writing “BEEP! BEEP!” on a few heavy projectiles and proceeding to throw these until I either stop the story or I lose consciousness.

While I am obviously taking this to the extreme, there is a subtle brilliance to the concept. How many times have we sat through someone’s umpteenth draft of a story that seems to be getting more mind-numbingly boring upon each subsequent telling? It is a fascinating subject simply because most people don’t know how to broach this subject. I think most feel we would hurt the feelings of the other person. Maybe we would be more comfortable with this strategy if we stopped assuming it is only other people who are retelling their stories. We all do it and we do it with far more regularity then we realize. In fact, I was talking to myself in the car just this morning and “Beep! Beeped!” myself because I realized I was retelling a story I had already told myself.

Imagine how many relationships could be improved or for that matter saved simply by being open to discussing such “small” things and having a fun and non-threatening strategy to deal with them. We could then begin to broach other “serious” relationship killers in such a manner. For example, for the ladies, you could subtly remind your man to put the toilet seat down, simply by saying something like “Pee! Pee!” And for the men, you could subtly remind your woman to stop overreacting emotionally to the fact that you should have pulled over and asked someone for directions, simply by saying “Get Out!”

While I will not guarantee the outcome of this strategy, I will guarantee that if you are open to discussing some of those little things that drive you crazy with your significant other, your relationship will be greatly improved. But it is imperative you speak with your significant other before attempting this technique. Simply saying, “Beep! Beep!” all day long is going to force those around you to draw one conclusion and one conclusion only–that you think you are the Road Runner.