I uploaded the following Blackberry shot to my Facebook page Wednesday morning. This is the story of how I wasted the rest of the day defending John Mayer (the man, not the unfortunate remarks), and what I learned from the experience.
So I went to his show Tuesday night at AAC Dallas with a friend and fellow yoga teacher (thanks – had a great time!). She’s a Franti fan. I’m a Mayer fan. It’s funny how I wouldn’t even admit that I was a fan until recently. Call it pop shame. Those who know me know that I don’t keep up with much of anything current, much less celebrity antics. So it was only after posting the photo on Facebook that I learned about John’s recent media foibles and ensuing barrage of judgments and criticisms.
From posting that photo on Facebook at 9:18 Wednesday morning, through leaving my Thai Massage at past 9:18 that night, John Mayer came up with near everyone I spoke with. Sometimes I brought him up, sometimes my friend, colleague, near stranger or family member brought him up. He. Just. Kept. Coming. Up.
What makes me a John Mayer fan anyways. LYRICS + AUDIENCE REACH. First and foremost. I mean, sure, he can sing and plays a mean guitar and what not, but so can lots of people. What's cool about him is his ability to take a powerful message, make it catchy and get it to a LARGE audience. Something I’ve aspired to my whole life. So. What’s his work’s overwhelming message? Peace. Happiness. Freedom. I submit to naysayers and cynics alike: John Mayer = yogi (yogi = practitioner of spiritual practice). Does being a yogi mean you’re perfect? NO! It means you’re practicing. You’re in the fight. For your life. For the benefit of all lives.
Want Proof? Some choice lyrical highlights, chronologically:
- 1999 – “Welcome to the real world” she said to me, condescendingly. Take a seat. Take your life. Plot it out in black and white. Well I’ve never lived the dream of the prom kings and the drama queens. I’d like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve. They love to tell you, stay inside the lines. That something’s better on the other side. I want to run through the halls of my high school, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world, just a lie you’ve got to rise above.
- 2003 – Yes I’m grounded, got my wings clipped. I’m surrounded by all this pavement. Guess I’ll circle, while I’m waiting, for my fuse to dry. Someday I’ll fly, someday I’ll soar. Someday I’ll be so damn much more, cause I’m bigger than my body gives me credit for. Why is it not my time? What is there more to learn? Shed this skin I’ve been tripping in, never to quite return.
- 2003 – Cause I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me, so I can say this is the way that I used to be. There’s no substitute for time.
- 2005 – Twice as much, ain’t twice as good, and can’t sustain, like a one half could. It’s wanting more, that’s gonna send me to my knees… Just keep me where the light is.
- 2006 – Me and all my friends, we’re all misunderstood. They say we stand for nothing and there’s no way we ever could. Now we see what’s going wrong with the world and those who lead it, we just feel like we don’t have the means to rise above and beat it. So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change. We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change. It’s hard to beat the system, when we’re standing at a distance, so we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change. Now if we had the power, to bring our neighbors home from war, they would have never missed a Christmas, no more ribbons on the door. When you trust your television, what you get is what you got, cause when they own the information they can bend it all they want. . . One day our generation is gonna rule the population, so we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change.
- 2006 – Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around. No it won’t all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.
- 2009- Come out angels, come out ghosts, come out darkness, bring everyone you know. I’m not running. I’m not scared. I am waiting and well prepared. I’m in the war of my life. At the door of my life. Out of time and there’s no where to run away. I’ve got a hammer and a heart of glass. I’ve got to know right now which walls to smash. I got a pocket, got no pill. If fear hasn’t killed me yet, than nothing will. All the suffering and all the pain, never liked to label. I’m in the war of my life. At the door of my life. Out of time and there’s nowhere to run. I’m in the war of my life. At the core of my life. I’ve got no choice but to fight till it’s done. No more suffering. No more pain. Never again. … So fight on, fight on everyone, so fight on.
- 2009 – Who says I can’t be free, of all of the things that I used to be. Re-write my history, who says I can’t be free.
*My apologies for the lyrics that I'm sure I messed up!
YESTERDAY, I HEARD THAT JOHN MAYER IS: a bad person. an asshole. a white supremacist. a jerk. a womanizer. a joke. not a serious person. unenlightened. dishonest.
So on to the unfortunate remarks.
See Unfortunate Remarks: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/10/john-mayer-jessica-simpso_n_456566.html
He sings: “My stupid mouth, it’s got me in trouble – I said too much again. . . Oh, another social casualty, score one more for me. How could I forget, mama said, “speak before thinking”. No filter inside my head, oh what’s a boy to do . . . One more thing, why’s it my fault? So maybe I try too hard. But it’s all because of this desire – I just wanna be liked, I just wanna be funny, looks like the joke’s on me – So call me Captain Backfire”. Oh how I relate. And feel for ya, John.
Clearly I’ve never experienced growing up in the public eye like John has. I say growing up, cause those of us who’ve hit the 30 marker can easily attest to the fact that this is what you do during your 20s (and 30s?). However, I can SORTA almost ponder what it must be like, because I’ve experienced the feeling of being watched and judged before when working for people in public office. Let me tell you. NOT so fun. John blogs. He tweets. He shares. He has a link on his website called “community”. So it isn’t hard to imagine that he considers the public his private life. What private life anyways? Does he have one?
So what did he really say anyhow? That a relationship ended because of generational differences? That he had great sex with one of pop cultures great sex symbols (Go JJ Pearce Mustangs?)? That he’s not attracted to African American women on a sexual level, but wishes he was on an intellectual and heart level?
So we find these things he said SHOCKING to read or hear. We define who he is by these statements. We say he’s a terrible human being. What have you or your loved ones said on your worst days… in your worst moments… without thinking it through? If I’m to be fair, for me to stop being a John Mayer fan because of these unfortunate things he said, I’m going to have to stop being LOTS of people’s fans. Including my own. Yup. It’s true. I’ve said nasty things before. I’ve been pissed or jaded or hurt or just in a lousy mood before and made sweeping generalizations about people or things, and made critical comments about individual people, that would have been hurtful had they leaked out to the masses. Haven’t you? Sorta makes a girl thankful for her lack of celebrity.
Compassion. It’s something Buddhists talk about A LOT. Compassion for all (starting with yourself) is said to be fundamental to enlightenment. Unconditional compassion for all may sound super hard or even stupid or detrimental at first, but the more you tune in to the “One Love” frequency emitted by all types of spiritual practitioners that I’ve ever studied, it gradually becomes easier and easier to wrap your mind around. In “The Art of Happiness”, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama speaks of this universal compassion, and how to cultivate it. He points out: “I think even Stalin was loved by his mother in childhood”.
Growing up my dad used to always say “judge not lest ye be judged”. It was so annoying. Particularly because I was constantly judging EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING (including myself). One day while strolling along the long and winding road of my life journey, I had the realization that I don’t like being judged for not being perfect. It just didn’t seem fair for people to expect perfection. Especially when I judged that they weren’t, in fact, perfect themselves. Hellooo. My name is Shana. I’m pretty frickin awesome. Sure, I make mistakes, but I’m trying hard at this whole life thing, and I’m doing the best I can. One day last year, while being accosted by a woman who saw me guzzling a zero carb Rockstar in the wee hours of a Saturday morning, I remember making a smart-ass remark that I would try harder and that maybe I’d be perfect next year. Rest assured, 2010 won’t be the year.
It’s interesting how someone who doesn’t know your life or your story can judge you based on a single group of words or actions. Truth is, life’s a process. The only lasting progress I’ve ever seen happens slow and subtly. As I pointed out to my ridiculer that morning, in a ridiculous need to atone myself, in 2005 I was a pack a day smoker who ate exclusively at Circle K and McDonalds and drank Diet Coke and Vodka instead of water. I was also an insomniac, a stress case, and lots of other things that I’ll save for a later date. 2010 finds me a well-rested, 5 year (this July) non-cigarette smoking, vegetarian (99% of the time) eating yoga teacher. This is how I know that change happens. It can feel like a very slow and excruciating process sometimes, but it happens. Every minute, of every day.
Like John, I may have a big mouth and picked up some tattoos, bad habits and other things along the way, but hey – it’s all a part of the ride. What’s this life about anyways, if not the ride? Some days I still drink Diet Coke. That’s ok. Some days I get a hankering for cheese fries with an extra side of ranch. Still ok. Some days nothing sounds better than a big glass of red wine with a side helping of staying up too late with friends while sitting somewhere that’s too loud. That’s ok too. It’s always all good. I’m still saving perfect for next year. This year I’m giving myself permission to still be human. Perfect? No. Working on it? Yes. Can you judge me (or John)? Sure. Should you? Let your heart be your guide.
Growing up Jewish in Texas, I never spent much time or effort on Jesus or his thoughts. In studying yoga, however, I’ve begun reading up on some of his teachings. He is said to have said: “The fault that you see in other people, the judgment you put onto others is your own judgment towards yourself”. In Buddhist texts I’ve read that everything we see in life is a reflection of ourselves. In the yoga world I’ve heard it said that all that you see, you are.
Judaism offers a concept called “lashon hara”. It is a prohibition under Jewish Law of telling gossip. Makes no difference if the gossip is true or not – you ain’t supposed to talk about it either way. The Talmud (a Jewish religious text) says that gossip kills three – the teller, the listener, and the subject of the gossip. Believing this to the core, that’s why I felt compelled to spend yet more time on yesterday’s day of Mayerhem. And yes, before anyone mentions it, it is true- this entire blog entry is, in fact, lashon hara. Like I said, I’m working on it. =)
IN SUMMATION: A contestant on The Biggest Loser this week put it great (paraphrased). We’re a team. Each member is like a finger. They can wiggle and wag around separately. But at the end of the day, we all unite together to make a fist. Individual struggle. Group fight. So basically, all we can do is try our best to mind our own. What this means to me is tending to my own. I’m the only person I can ever really worry about or be accountable for in the first place. John Mayer, whether you like him or not, is on our team of life. He’s a human. He struggles. Just like us. If we want compassion, we must give compassion. If we want change, we must be change. So, I’ll resolve to continue working on keeping my thoughts and actions in line with my morals and ideals. You can join me by continuing to do the same. John can keep doing his thing. Together, through our individual efforts of self-discovery and improvement, we will change the world. Of this there is no doubt.
Peace, Happiness & Freedom,
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