A new tool for computer language analysis can evaluate your mind based on your Tweets (and might help psychologists, too)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or among the molemen, you’ve probably enjoyed the humor of @s–tmydadsays, the popular Twitter account of Justin, who describes himself like so: “I’m 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down s–t that he says.” That s–t consists of cranky honesty like “I…

Forty-four years in the making: the world’s first historical thesaurus.

Ever wonder how people really talked in the 1800s, or 1500s, or earlier?

You can stop building the time machine. Such questions are now easier to answer than ever before, with the publication—after 44 years of work—of the Historical Thesaurus of the Oxford English Dictionary. At almost 4,000 pages and about 800,000 meanings, this mind-boggling reference work is the biggest thesaurus ever and the world’s first historical…

Confusing parenthood and pet ownership: The words of the dog world.

Kids chase fewer squirrels and postal workers than dogs, but the way we pamper our poodles and great danes and mutts has a lot in common with how we treat our toddlers and teens.

Though I try not to over-kid-ify my canine, the bounds of sane dog owner behavior are blurry. I frequently arrange playdates for my rat terrier Monkey, and, I hate to admit, once…

How Liz Lemon and company have enriched our lexicon.

Since its debut in 2006, there hasn’t been a more quotable comedy than 30 Rock. Memorable lines include the quacky pronouncements of Dr. Spaceman (“Medicine’s not a science”), Jack Donaghy’s non-compliments (“Lemon, don’t ever say you’re just you, because you’re better than you”), Tracy Jordan’s bizarre endorsements (“I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant”), Liz Lemon’s…

Linguists give a name to an old headline hazard.

If brevity is the soul of wit, it is also the trapdoor of ridiculousness—at least in the world of headlines, which have long been prone to unintentional comedy along the lines of “Woman Better after Being Thrown from High-rise” and “Scientists Are at Loss Due to Brain-eating Amoeba.”

Now there’s a name for the phenomenon of ambiguously or bizarrely worded headlines: “crash blossoms,” as suggested by a poster at…

Jag Bhalla collects the world’s odd idioms and out-dated metaphors.

When describing you to prospective dates and employers, do friends say you “Have one on the waffle” or “The roof has slid off”?

If they have (and I hate to tell you this), your friends think you have bats in the belfry—they’re just using idioms from other languages. As Jag Bhalla has shown with his book, I’m Not Hanging Noodles on Your Ears, the world of idioms is…

Saying goodbye to the consummate language columnist.

If you enjoy this language column—or any language column at all, anywhere—then you should take a minute to remember William Safire, who died Sunday of pancreatic cancer at 79. The Nixon speechwriter was a prolific and Pulitzer-winning conservative columnist, the author of four novels, and chairman of the Dana Foundation, which funds research in neuroscience, but he was best known as the word nerd who paved the way for lucky…

How words drift toward the famous, regardless of the facts.

That Mark Twain was something else, wasn’t he? He said so many memorable things, like “If you don’t like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes” and “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” What a writer, what a guy.

Unfortunately—even though Twain is the great American humorist—he didn’t say either of those things. Twain is what scholar Fred Shapiro calls a “quote magnet,” someone…

Anyhoo… The latest additions to the Oxford English Dictionary are a mixed bag.

Many of us welcome autumn for bringing gorgeous weather, Octoberfest beers, and the merciful resumption of football.

But for a small number of your fellow citizens, fall brings another blessed event, one that is no less heaven-sent because it occurs every season: the Oxford English Dictionary online hauls out a host of new entries, as the largest word book in the world gets even larger.

As always,…

Though language is my beat, I couldn’t help making some geographical observations:

“Vietnam-istan” is one name and opinion of Afghanistan.

Other writers call the troubled country “Half gone’istan,” “Warlord-istan,” “I-give-up-istan,” and “Mastercard-istan.”

A TV recapper quips about women from Average-Looking-Brunette-istan, while a dating advisor discusses the popular destination of Divorce-istan.

I just hope no one reading this article is forced to flee to I’mboredsowhere’sthepornistan.

It’s not a new trend, but the use of “-istan” or just “-stan” is an interesting…