When your boss tells you to do a task that won’t work or is just a bad idea, it can create an awkward situation. Due to the power dynamic, you don’t want to get yourself fired by telling them “no” or that their idea won’t work. Egos can be on the line, leading to serious tension. It may sound impossible, then, to ever give a superior sound feedback, but that’s far from the truth.
In fact, there are some tactful ways to disagree and even just say “no” to your superior without even using those words. You don’t have to say, “You’re wrong,” “That’s a bad idea,” or anything really negative at all.
Here are some phrasings and reframings to use when you’re in a tight spot and need to disagree with your boss or their plan. In fact, they might respect you more after you’ve used them.
“Are you open to another perspective?”
Leading with this question is a way to ask permission to push back without actually asking for permission. Directly asking for permission to push back not only makes it awkward but could make you appear intimidated when you’re not.
Asking if your manager is open to other perspectives allows them to know that you’re approaching this with curiosity and the company’s goals in mind. It’s not shutting down their ideas or looking out for yourself. It is a great opportunity to start a dialogue.
It’s also a safe way to test the waters to see if it is the right time to offer your opinion. If your boss declines, whether to schedule a time to further discuss or not, you’ll know how they feel about the issue.
“I want to make sure I’m understanding this correctly, can you tell me a bit more?”
“’Can you help me understand the goal here?’ is a powerful phrase to have in your back pocket,” tech career coach Dr. Kyle Elliott shares with GOOD. “It buys you more time, indicates genuine curiosity, and often prompts your manager to think through the idea more carefully on their own, instead of putting the burden on you. Often, they’ll talk themselves into the problem before you have to point it out, which is a major win.”
“I agree with your point. The challenge I see is…”
Finding common ground is key in finding a resolution within a disagreement. This type of phrase allows you to start off on a friendly note. It shows that while you may not agree with your superior’s approach, you do agree with the overall goal or desire. With this framing, your boss will likely be more open since you’re addressing the problems and not their idea.
“You know, we tried that at another company and here’s what we found…”
HR Director and founder of HRStudyPro.com Kevin Byford shared a great point with GOOD: If you know your manager’s idea won’t work because of your past experience, bring that up.
Byford suggests framing it this way:
“You know, we actually tried that at (name of other company) when I worked there, and what we found was (reason why the suggestion/method that your boss proposed didn’t work). I had the same thought you did when we were implementing that, but what ended up working was (insert your counter-suggestion/proposal).”
“This accomplishes a few things,” said Byford. “First, you are not simply speculating that they are wrong; you are telling them about a legitimate outcome you experienced first-hand. More importantly, you are signaling that, at one point in time, you actually agreed with them, until proven wrong.”
“This changes the narrative from ‘My gut is telling me you’re wrong”’to ‘Let me save you the trouble I went through when I tried that same idea.’”
“If we pursue this idea, it would probably require some trade-offs. Is this idea worth it?”
Dr. Larry Schooler, professor of communication studies at the University of Texas at Austin, told GOOD that if a manager is really sold on their idea, it might be best to present the other factors or needs. This is because they may not be aware of the scope of what they are requesting.
“If the manager is really intent on pursuing that one idea, the employee can say, ‘From my perspective, if we pursue this, it would probably require these tradeoffs (pull people off other projects, delays to other projects, cut funding to other projects, etc.) Is that a tradeoff you think is worth making to get this done?’” said Dr. Schooler. “That can provoke a meaningful conversation to figure out how much of a priority this one idea is.”
“I’m currently focused on (name of current project). Can we discuss how this new idea should be prioritized?”
If your boss still believes in their idea or suggestion while you’re working on a different project, this phrasing could help in different ways. It reminds your boss what you are working on and allows them to weigh the importance of it versus what they’re requesting.
The end result will likely benefit you in some fashion. Your boss might see the current task as a priority and leave you to it without pursuing their new one. Or, they will remove the current task and put you to work on their idea. In either situation, you won’t be having additional work piled onto you no matter if their idea succeeds or fails.
If, for some reason, your boss piles both tasks onto you, you may have to request further one-on-one time to discuss trade-offs and their expectations again.
While every boss and manager is different, you’ll generally be able to earn their respect while pushing back if the focus is on finding solutions together with positive, active framing.
