Jeff Clemishaw for AnyWho
Even the most social people occasionally have difficulty getting a conversation going, resorting to basic, boring questions like “What do you do?” or “How do you know so-and-so?” Most of the time, these types of conversation starters lead to nothing. There’s nothing meaningful or thought-provoking about them.
If you want to have a truly engaging conversation with someone for the first time, you need a powerful conversation starter that’s backed by science. AnyWho covered 10 of the most effective icebreakers and the situations in which they’re best used.
Networking and professional conversation starters
1. “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve been working on recently?”
When trying to get to know someone, most people default to generic work conversations. While it’s a fine icebreaker, making the question more personal is a better way to engage with a new person.
Asking them about something interesting they’ve been working on gives you insight into their job but also into who they are as a person and what makes them tick.
2. “How did you end up on the path you’re on right now?”
This is another great example of a personalized question. Everyone has a story to tell, and many people are proud of where they’ve gotten with their careers. You can ask someone about their professional trajectory and how they’ve gotten into the line of work they are currently in.
It’s also important to prove that you’re actively listening, says NPR. Create a loop for understanding by repeating what the person said in your own words.
3. “What’s something you’re learning about these days?”
No matter what line of work a person is in, they’re always learning something new. We’re curious creatures. A question like this addresses someone’s immediate interests, professional or otherwise, which they’re more likely to eagerly talk about.
You should “aim to understand” what the person is saying, rather than just asking for the sake of asking. In an interview with NPR, communication expert Charles Duhigg says this is an important part of being a good communicator.
4. “What brought you to this event? What were you hoping to get out of it?”
Try to transcend basic questions about the event itself. It can come across as dry, awkward, and forced. Instead, ask someone what they were hoping to achieve by attending. It can reveal personal motivations and offer someone the opportunity to say something genuinely interesting.
Follow-up questions are an important part of every successful conversation, behavioral analyst Wendy Patrick says. Use the person’s answers to why they came to an event as a bridge for a deeper conversation.
Social gathering conversation starters
5. “What’s been the highlight of your week?”
Social conversations are much less formal than professional ones, so you can ask personal questions. A “highlight-of-your-week” question is a great way to get someone to smile, because they’ll be reflecting on something positive that’s happened to them recently.
Psychologically, this sets a conversation off on the right tone. It also helps you identify what someone values in their life.
6. “What’s something you’ve been really into lately — could be anything.”
This is a great question that’s casual and surface-level, but still allows you to get deeper insight into someone’s personality. It’s also an open-ended question, which allows someone to freely express themselves. Instead of asking a more specific question like “What music do you like?” it gives someone room to say what they’re truly passionate about.
7. “What’s your story?”
Some people respond better to deeper questions. Questions like “What’s your story?” and “Who do you want to be in 10 years?” allow people to self-disclose. Self-disclosure is an important part of building bonds, trust, and social connection, says psychological rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry.
First date conversation starters
8. “What’s something you’re really passionate about that most people don’t know?”
Dates are tricky for conversation because some people can be guarded or hesitant to share “too much.” Ideally, you want to create a personal connection through conversation. One of the best ways to do this is to ask them to share something with you that other people don’t know. It immediately builds trust and creates an intimate shared secret of sorts.
The more questions you ask someone, the more they will generally like you. Researchers at Harvard found that during speed-dating events, people who ask more questions are more likely to receive a second date.
At the same time, it’s important to ask genuine questions. The American Psychological Association suggests avoiding “boomerasking,” which is when you ask a question so that you can then answer it yourself.
9. “What’s the best trip you’ve ever taken and what made it special?”
Similar to the “highlight of your week” question, asking someone about their best trip creates a positive emotional reaction. Most first-date conversations are emotional, an important distinction, according to Charles Duhigg.
10. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn or try?”
As Michigan State University puts it, “understanding interests is key to building relationships.” By asking your date about something they’ve always wanted to learn or try, you gauge what they’re curious about. Understanding these interests helps you find common ground, which is a huge part of compatibility.
Making connections that last
Conversation is an essential part of the human experience. But it can be challenging to navigate, especially when talking with a new person. A good conversation starter reduces awkwardness for everyone while also providing opportunities to create meaningful relationships.
Whether you’re at a professional work event, a social gathering, or a first date, use some of these conversation starters to go beyond surface-level communication and form a connection that lasts.
This story was produced by AnyWho and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
