What steps does a person take to become a man? Too often, society, especially as seen through the lens of social media, prioritizes physical appearance, influence, and wealth.
New York Times best-selling author, professor, and social media influencer Scott Galloway argues that masculinity, and becoming a man, comes from developing one’s character. In a video podcast appearance on Goop, Galloway shared eight steps he believes someone must take before truly becoming a man.
Galloway shares his experience of becoming a man
Most young boys dream of and look forward to becoming men. However, not everyone reaches that level of self-awareness by Galloway’s standards. “I think there are a lot of people born who live 80 years, die, and never become men,” Galloway says.
Certain cultures have agreed-upon moments that mark a transition into manhood, though these rites are rarely automatic. Aboriginal communities in Australia send teenage boys into the wilderness for months, where they must navigate, hunt, and survive on their own. Some Native American tribes practice a solo fasting rite of passage known as a “Vision Quest.” In Judaism, boys are held morally accountable at age 13 through a Bar Mitzvah.
Unlike these mystical and spiritual pathways to manhood, Galloway suggests that becoming a man happens when you bring more to the table than you take from it. He describes this moment as entering a stage called “surplus value”:
“At some point, when you become a man, is when you get to a point of surplus value. One way to add surplus value is to create more jobs and revenue than you absorb. You absorb more complaints than people complain to you. You take care of more people than the care you’ve absorbed at that point. You notice people’s lives. You’re the guy that makes people feel better and feel safe.”
Galloway suggests that a transactional mindset hindered him
Many people approach life as a reciprocal contract. A 2025 article in Verywell Mind described a “transactional mindset” as a give-and-take approach to relationships. While these connections may appear balanced, they’re often built on expectations and can lack emotional depth. Galloway shares that he struggled to move beyond this way of relating to others, explaining:
“I don’t think that I would qualify as a man until I was in my 40s, because I approached all my relationships as a transaction. Am I getting as much out of this friendship as I’m giving? Are my employees generating more value than I’m paying them? Is my girlfriend spending as much time with my parents as I spend with hers? That is not the way to live. And, it’s also, I think, it’s totally anathema to this idea of masculinity.”
Planting trees whose shade “you’ll never sit under”
These steps toward manhood resemble character-building skills more than a single rite of passage. Ultimately, Galloway says his goal is to bring more to his relationships and community than he takes from them. He describes the man he strives to be as:
“The whole idea is that you get to the end, and you’ve loved more people than have loved you. You’ve noticed more people’s lives. A lot of people feel safe around you. And, the ultimate expression of masculinity is you plant trees, the shade of which you’ll never sit under.”
People had mixed feelings about what Galloway had to say
Some comments on the Instagram post described Galloway’s perspective as refreshing and helpful. Others took issue with how he framed the discussion, arguing that it still reflected a transactional mindset. Here are some of those reactions:
“Love this, though he is describing what it means to be a good person.”
“Makes people feel better… and feel safe.”
“I audibly gasped. What a mic drop.”
“Scott has said so much that has helped me through life but this HURT. Thinking about disabled people who can’t create ‘surplus value’ and can’t be providers. There are millions of men like that…”
“More people need to be educators. It’s the best way to live this type of life, and truly plant trees under which you’ll never sit.”
“… it sounds like he’s saying a man has to become financially viable before he can develop spiritual generosity and emotional maturity”
“Parents make your young men read Scott’s book…”
“I agree, but I’m not quite sure if this is the definition of masculinity… I think this is the definition of a fully realized human being. You give more than you get…”
“He’s still in a transactional mindset by framing giving back from a ‘value scorecard’ perspective.”
“Who is this guy???? Make a flip’n movie, put a billboard up in Times Square , call Oprah…. this is what everyone is looking for!!!”
True manhood, according to Galloway, is achieved by giving more to one’s relationships and moving beyond a transactional mindset. In his view, becoming a man is not about attaining status or wealth. It isn’t a single moment to be reached, but an ongoing commitment to purpose and service to others. Regardless of whether someone agrees with Galloway’s definition of manhood, the character traits he promotes clearly describe a good and responsible person.
