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The Eternal Shame of Your First Online Handle

Today, humans stake online claims to their real-life names before they can even form words or survive outside the womb. If only we all were so lucky.

"The other day I made a comment on someone's blog and I noticed I was the only one that put my online pseudonym into the name field," MetaFilter founder Matt Haughey once wrote of the changing nature of online self-identification. Haughey had found himself the lone alias in a field full of real-life, first-and-last-named commenters. "This is one of those moments when you notice you're becoming a dinosaur," he wrote.

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TSA: Body Scans, Pat-Downs, and Junk-Inspired Acronyms

An enhanced look at TSA terminology—from enhanced pat-downs to porno-scanners to "don't touch my junk"—that are touching sensitive areas.

An enhanced look at TSA terminology—from pat-downs to porno-scanners to "don't touch my junk"—that are touching sensitive areas. \n

The airport has long been a source of frustration and humor, as you well know if you’ve ever missed a flight, endured a screaming baby, or watched Airplane (RIP, Leslie Nielsen). The annoyance and comedy rose to new levels in the past month, as the Transportation Security Administration unveiled the new “whole-body imagers,” along with the enhanced pat-downs that you’ve either experienced or (more likely) heard about by now. These aggressive gropings caused a national outcry that could be summarized by the words of Alias’s Sydney Bristow, who once responded to a full-scale frisk by pointing out, “It’s not a date!”

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