We need to change the definition of masculinity so that it has nothing to do with harming anyone, least of all women.
Attention men: Women don’t owe us shit. Not attention, not praise, not a smile, and certainly not sex. In fact, as women are the life-givers of the species, it would seem that it’s us men who are forever indebted. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we need, as men, to be discussing our complicity in the sexist, patriarchal mode of our present society, and not for the sake of winning an argument on the internet or the favor of potential sex partners. We need to do this because the current definition of what it means to be a man simply is not working.
In high school, I had a football coach who would tell us that what makes a man isn’t his ZIP code or his car or how many women he’d slept with, but how he loves his fellow woman and man and how many people he helps. At 15 and 16 years old, my teammates and I thought that his “building men for others” mantra of love and respect was corny as hell. Yet, having come up in the Age Of Schwarzenegger, being twice that age now, I’m still trying to understand the real meaning of masculinity.