For those in the military, sleep can mean the difference between life and death. But shut-eye can be very hard to come by, especially during active conflict. According to Sharon Ackman, the U.S. Navy Pre-Flight School developed a scientific method to help its pilots fall asleep. Through this technique, 96% of the pilots were able to fall asleep in two minutes or less.
If pilots could fall asleep during war, you should be able to use it to knock out in the comfort of your bedroom. Here’s how to do it:
Step 1: Relax in your seat
Given the space restraints of a typical plane, the pilots were taught to sleep in a seated position. They put their feet flat on the ground, while relaxing their hands in their laps.
Breathe slow, deep breaths while relaxing every muscle in your face and letting your forehead, cheeks, mouth, tongue, and jaw go limp.
A man relaxes in a chair Image via Canva
Step 2: Relax your upper body
Let your shoulders drop as low as you can. Allow the muscles in your neck go lifeless.
Starting with your dominant side, let your bicep feel like it’s falling off your body. Then move to your forearm, hand, and fingers. If a muscle isn’t relaxing, tense it first, then let it go loose.
Slowly exhale your tension.
A pair of legs in front of the ocean Image via Canva
Step 3: Relax your lower body
Tell your right thigh muscle to sink, then move down your leg, saying the same thing to your calf, ankle, and foot. Your leg should feel like it has sunk into the ground. Then move on to your left leg.
Step 4: Clear your mind
The final step is to clear your mind for ten seconds. You can do this by paying attention to your breath as it moves through your nostrils or holding a static image in your mind.
Once your body is relaxed and your mind quiet, you should slip away into darkness.
Some doctors now believe you should be spending even LESS time in the shower than previously thought. Admittedly, I was already shocked when I found out a while back that the average shower should take only eight minutes. But upon reflection, it made sense. While hot showers can feel relaxing, we obviously need to be conscious of our resources, no matter where we live in the world.
But a recent piece by Pang-Chieh Ho called “You Could Be Showering Too Long,” published in Consumer Reports, claims that showers should really only be around five minutes, seven at the most. Just shaving off a couple of minutes can help tremendously with conservation. “For people in the U.S., the average shower lasts about 8 minutes, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. That’s 20 gallons for every average shower, given that the standard showerhead uses around 2.5 gallons of water per minute.”
Experts say your shower might be too long
A woman washing her hair in the shower. Photo credit: Canva
And it’s not just because of the environment. Our skin can dry out more quickly than some might think. Dermatologist Lisa Akintilo, MD, is cited as saying, “It’s true that long, hot showers may feel restorative, but they can dry and irritate the skin.”
An article in Time magazine, “How Much Do You Actually Need to Shower?” by Angela Haupt, reveals that some doctors say you can skip even the five-minute daily shower, though they admit, “there’s no one-size-fits-all equation.” Dermatologist at NYU Langone Health, Dr. Mary Stevenson, suggested, “Ideally, I think people should shower at least every other day. Most people, by day two or day three, are not clean. But it’s a little bit personal.” She later added, “In general, you really only need soap in your armpits, your groin, and your feet.”
“You probably don’t need to be in the shower as long as you are. You’re no cleaner—it’s just for your psychological health or for your routine.”
– Philadelphia dermatologist Dr. Jules Lipoff
Some people on Reddit disagree. In a thread called “On average, how long do you take to shower?” many admitted that long showers are a guilty pleasure. A few people answered 45 minutes to an hour. One even claimed they showered for “light years,” though someone quickly pointed out that “light year” was a measurement of distance, not time.
One noted that there are variables in play. “Depends on how many shower beers.”
Another measures the length of time in music. “Two Spotify songs,” they insisted.
People online still love their long showers
A bearded man singing in his shower with a microphone. Photo credit: Canva
One Reddit user got vulnerable about the mental benefits of a hot shower. “The mean and the median probably differ quite a lot for me. The vast majority of my showers do not exceed 20 minutes, but I’ve had some depression showers or anxiety showers or whatever you wanna call them where I stayed in for over an hour.” Another commenter put it less delicately: “Until I can no longer feel the pain of life.”
And lastly, this person didn’t mince words but mentioned the temperature variable. “If it’s a hot shower, no less than 30 minutes. If it’s a cold shower, I scrubba dubba the F out of there in less than three.”
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
As Americans have become more tribal, isolated, and downright lonely, the need for quality friendships is at an all-time high. Yet, some of the most important relationships begin when we aren’t looking for them. Sometimes something seemingly insignificant, like a simple hobby or a mutual love, slowly grows into a real connection.
Dr. Arthur Brooks shared his insights into friendships on the Mighty Pursuit podcast. He explains that there are three types of friendships, and the one that matters most is a useless friendship.
Aristotle believed friendship was the secret to happiness
(Discussion begins at 1 hour into the video.) Brooks traces the value and importance of friendship back to the famous philosopher Aristotle. He explains that Aristotle believed the ultimate secret behind a happy life was friends. Brooks says, “In the Nicomachean Ethics, he [Aristotle] said there’s three levels of friendship that bring more happiness. And if you get stuck at lower levels, it’s going to be a problem for your life.”
The first type of friendship is transactional. These are people with whom you do business or have a casual acquaintance. You don’t really know them on a personal level. The relationship is friendly, but if business or a reason for interacting stops, so does the friendship.
Brooks describes transactional friendships, saying, “There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just incomplete.” He continues, “If that’s all you have you’re going to be hopelessly lonely.”
The second type is friendships of beauty. They are chosen out of admiration. These are people we want to be around. Brooks describes it as, “You’re magnetic. It could be because of your physical beauty, your sense of humor, your intelligence, or your success.”
Relationships built on admiration are better than transactional, but Brooks warns, “If that beauty goes away, so does that friendship.”
Aristotle described the friendship that brings the most satisfaction as Atelic, meaning it has no specific end or goal. Brooks calls it “Useless. It’s cosmically, beautifully useless. And so if you want to be happier, you need more useless people you just love.”
Describing the characteristics of this type of friend, Brooks shares, “you’re walking together, shoulder to shoulder, into the future and looking at something you both love mutually.” He continues, “There’s always a third love in these perfect friendships.”
Examples offered by Brooks might be a couple loving their children or best friends who love a sports franchise. Brooks says, “It can be dumb, or it can be cosmic. But the whole point is that third love is the glue that makes that, that useless relationship beautiful and perfect to you.”
Research supports Aristotle’s belief that having a friendship without an agenda makes for a richer and happier life. A 2023 study in Frontiers found that friendships valued for the stimulating companionship and shared activities predicted higher well-being, life satisfaction, and personal growth. Best friends aren’t based on networking or usefulness.
A 2024 study in the National Library of Medicine found that high-quality best friendships lowered loneliness and boosted self-esteem. Meaningful relationships can begin with a shared love, but over time, become a part of who the friends actually are.
A 2022 study at Cornell University revealed that repeated physical proximity and similar interests strongly increased the likelihood of friendship formation regardless of background or social differences. Activities like walks, hobbies, sports, and creative interests offered a shared space where even unlikely friendships grow.
Brooks suggests the most important friends come from connecting over the smallest things. They don’t happen because we need them; more so, they exist for their own sake. These “useless friendships” are grounded in mutual joy and common loves. They may seem small or incidental at first, but the Atelic relationship shapes our happiness the most.
Mindfulness meditation is a process of noticing difficult thoughts and feelings rather than shutting them out. – Photo credit: Marco VDM/E+ via Getty Images
Yuval Hadash J. David Creswell magine being asked to sit alone in a quiet room for 15 minutes with nothing to do – no phone, no music, no external distraction. In a well-known 2014 study, many participants found that task so challenging that they chose to press a button to give themselves an unpleasant electric shock instead…
magine being asked to sit alone in a quiet room for 15 minutes with nothing to do – no phone, no music, no external distraction. In a well-known 2014 study, many participants found that task so challenging that they chose to press a button to give themselves an unpleasant electric shock instead of continuing to sit with their thoughts and sensations.
Because being with their own thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations can be so difficult, people often turn away from them. Smartphones offer constant distraction from boredom or stress, allowing users to disengage from their present-moment sensations and thoughts with a quick swipe or tap.
But avoiding unpleasant internal experience can backfire. Studies show that doing so is associated with a range of mental health problems, including anxiety and depression.
Mindfulness is a mental state that people can learn to cultivate through training. When people are mindful, they direct their attention toward their moment-to-moment bodily sensations, emotions and thoughts, and they meet those experiences with an attitude of curiosity and open acceptance.
Mindfulness can be cultivated through “mindful moments” in daily life, moments in which people intentionally stay present with what they do, hear, see or feel. However, formal mindfulness meditation involves sustained practice that systematically trains attention and acceptance. Our research shows that training acceptance during mindfulness meditation can substantially improve your emotional well-being.
This doesn’t mean they were doing it wrong. Turning your attention inward can feel challenging. Often, it brings you into contact with experiences that you normally try to push away, such as feeling bored, uncomfortable or agitated. However, we’ve also found that facing difficult experiences during mindfulness training can have positive effects.
In these studies, we have found that acceptance is the critical driver. When acceptance is removed from mindfulness training, these benefits largely disappear.
The power of learning to accept experience
A key part of mindfulness practice involves turning toward difficult experiences, such as like stress, boredom and pain, rather than seeking distractions or pushing those experiences away. It means noticing feelings and thoughts as they arise, sensing how they show up in the body, and approaching them with an attitude of acceptance rather than judgment or resistance.
A helpful way to think about this comes from the “two arrows” metaphor, which is rooted in East Asian Buddhist traditions. It teaches that there are two types of suffering, which can be likened to being struck by two arrows.
The first arrow is the unavoidable unpleasant experience that comes with being human – for example, feeling exhausted after a poor night’s sleep. The second arrow is how we react to that unpleasantness: tensing up, resisting it, replaying it in our mind, criticizing ourselves or trying to escape it. Often this second arrow adds more suffering than the original unpleasant experience.
In mindfulness practice, the goal is not to stop having unpleasant sensations and feelings. Instead, mindfulness helps people accept the unavoidable difficulties of that first arrow and to soften the second arrow by letting go of struggle with those experiences and reactions that make them worse.
For example, let yourself feel bored without immediately reaching for distraction. Acknowledge anxiety, sadness or grief with openness, instead of trying to suppress those feelings or fueling them with harsh self-criticism.
Practicing mindfulness in everyday life
One way to cultivate this attitude is to treat thoughts, emotions and sensations as guests in your inner landscape. Instead of fighting them or clinging to them, notice when they arise. Acknowledge and welcome them, and when they naturally change, let them go. Some people find it helpful to imagine holding a difficult feeling as they would a crying baby, with a touch that’s steady, supportive and kind.
If you want to try this in daily life, the next time you feel a challenging experience, pause and open to the experience for a moment. Notice what you are feeling. Where does it show up in your body – a tightness in the chest or heaviness in the stomach? Can you allow it to be there, even briefly, without trying to fix it or distract yourself from it?
Then observe what happens. Does the challenging experience change over time in any way? Do your reactions shift or soften with repeated practice? Remember that a brief practice is unlikely to produce instant relief, and expecting quick results can actually make it harder to stay open to your experience as it is.
Rather, our findings suggest that meaningful change comes through consistent, ongoing practice. Every small step matters. Over time, brief moments of responding to stress or discomfort with mindfulness can reshape how you relate to challenges and provide greater resilience and ease.
In the study where people chose electric shocks over sitting alone with their thoughts, being with their inner experience felt almost intolerable. Mindfulness offers a different path: not escaping that experience but learning to stay with it. In doing so, what once felt unbearable can become something you can meet with greater emotional balance and well-being.
