Almost every one of us wants to be accepted socially and gain some form of group attention. Studies have consistently shown that social isolation and loneliness leads to poor physical and mental health which includes a high risk of mortality. Trying to find a sense of community and elevate one’s personal status at the same time can be confusing and often emotionally challenging. The need to be accepted and seen positively by others all influence our drive to fit in socially.
Some of our favorite secrets are about our friends and colleagues, and we divulge this information through a process called gossip. One of the main determining factors in finding pleasure through gossip is being an active participating witness instead of the actual subject. However this balance isn’t the truth for all of us. Some people really like being talked about.
It may be rather obvious but people in general prefer to be talked about positively rather than negatively. One of the main fears is the risk of being hurt by a distortion or manipulation of the truth; especially things deemed private. A threat to a person’s reputation is a threat to social standing. Perhaps further grounds behind the saying, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say it.” Maybe it fits to add, “Especially if it’s about me.”
A study was published in the journal Self And Identity analyzing the reactions from over a thousand participants across five experiments. It was able to collect statistics on people’s openness to being gossiped about. They broke down the determining factors between age and gender and was the gossip positive, negative, or ambiguous. The results showed one thing clearly, a narcissist doesn’t care if it’s good news or bad news as long as they are the subject of the conversation.
Gossip and Gender
When the study focused on gender differences, there was a significant lean toward men having less concern over being gossiped about in negative or ambiguous scenarios. One of the reasons could be that men tend to be socially more risk-tolerant when it comes to reputation than women. But in general, there was no difference in openness to receiving positive gossip from either men or women.
Gossip and Age
The affect on age seemed to have less variation. Younger people were showed to be more open to positive gossip. As people get older their peer group gets smaller. Perhaps younger people feel the web of school and community a little stronger because their social circles branch out farther. With a less sense of self, the opinions of others bears greater weight. As we age and gain independence, even though we hold community opinion at high value, we also learn the importance of self esteem which commands greater importance.
The Narcissist
The true winners of the study, narcissists clearly are more open to all kinds of gossip. The study found that about 15% of those surveyed exhibited narcissistic tendencies. They had an increased desire to be the subject of conversation even when negative. One of the leading researchers Andrew H Hales stated, “They prefer negative attention over being ignored altogether.” The thought process being these individuals construe the negative comments as validation of their importance.
Wether we want to be involved with gossip or not, it’s a part of our communal experience. There are some benefits regardless of how we feel about it. It does offer a form of social control over people’s behaviors. It forces individuals in the community to recognize certain mannerisms are not the preference of the population at large. People will either adjust to the standard or the standard will change.
The benefit of learning from witnessing other people’s experiences and seeing how our communities react helps guide our own habits. We don’t have to make the same unfortunate missteps. Nor do we have to tolerate an uninformed community as we actively choose to champion those individuals being gossiped about in a poor manner.
The exchange of information leads to an evolving community even through an uncomfortable means of gossip.
