With a President-elect who regularly blows off steam via ill-advised 3 a.m. tweetstorms, self-control may appear to be in short supply these days. But the ability to delay gratification remains an important skill. Every time you walk away from an argument that you know will lead to a fight, or put away your credit card because you won’t have the money to pay it off for quite some time, you’re resisting immediate rewards in exchange for potentially bigger future rewards. And it turns out that people with stronger self-control are better able to empathize with others—including their future selves—according to new research published in Science Advances.


European researchers at the University of Zurich and the University of Düsseldorf who study self-control and impulse control, investigated a brain region called the temporoparietal juncture (TPJ) that becomes active when taking the perspective of another person. In short, the TPJ is the area of the brain dedicated to selflessness. The larger the region, the more generous you’re likely to be, while electric stimulation there has been shown to lead to more empathy. The Zurich-Düsseldorf team was surprised to find that the same brain region lights up when one exhibits self-control of any kind, leading to an unusual conclusion that, “The future self is kind of like another person,” says Alexander Soutschek, lead author of the study and professor of economics at the University of Zurich.

[quote position=”full” is_quote=”true”]Those who have better self-control abilities are happier in later life, less overweight, and perform better in their jobs.[/quote]

In other words, when you exhibit self-control, you’re essentially relating to your future self the way you would another person—and thinking more on that future self’s behalf than that of your present self. Being able to take on another’s perspective is associated with stronger social behavior, Soutschek says, adding, “Those who have better self-control abilities are happier in later life, less overweight, and perform better in their jobs.”

To see if their findings held up, researchers administered two rounds of “classical self-control tasks to link perspective-taking with the ability to exert self-control,” he says. Mirroring the famous marshmallow test—in which children were seated before a tasty treat and asked to resist eating it so that they could receive a later reward of two marshmallows—these subjects could “choose between 80 francs today, or 160 francs in one month,” Soutschek says of the first task. The subjects really did receive the money after the test. Next, they also had to choose between a payoff they would personally benefit from, or a payoff in which they benefited slightly less in order for another person to benefit.

The team then disrupted the TPJ region using non-invasive transcranial stimulation. Rather than boosting empathy, people tended to act more impulsively (choosing the immediate payoff), as well as acting more selfishly (choosing more money for themselves over sharing the benefits with others). Messing with the brain’s empathy center turns you into a jerk—to your future self and others.

Psychoanalyst Scott Von, Ph.D, director of the New Clinic in New York City, believes this research is particularly relevant, given America’s particular political climate. “We are no longer in the ‘culture of narcissism’ that the baby boomers talked about, but what I call a ‘culture of egoism,’ where we care even more about our status and reputation than our selfish pleasures or self-control,” he says. American society right now “may reflect a set of false selves and pretense to civility—while hate, fear, resentment, and selfish manipulation lie under the surface,” which Von sees as “more evident during the recent election and surrounding events.”

[quote position=”full” is_quote=”true”]It’s well-known that addiction patients are suffering self-control deficits.[/quote]

While the self-control research will have many implications, one of the most potentially important will involve how we treat addiction, says Soutschek. “It’s well-known that addiction patients are suffering self-control deficits,” he says. While the focus in the treatment of addiction has primarily been on impulse control, “our idea is if there’s a second self-control mechanism in the TPJ, then self-control deficits may (also stem) from deficits in perspective-taking.” He envisions new approaches to addiction treatment, such as cognitive training “that could direct attention to the future consequences of your behavior,” and stimulation of the TPJ.

So the next time you find yourself baited for a fight, tempted to slap down cash you don’t have, or about to indulge in a calorie-laden snack you really shouldn’t, practice holding back. Even if delaying gratification doesn’t come naturally to you, you’ll benefit from an arguably less delicious, but much more valuable reward—in the form of physical, mental, and social health.

  • Love educator shares how awkward flirting can be turned into a romantic superpower
    A couple flirts on the dance floor.Photo credit: Canva

    In a recent TED Talk, love coach Francesca Hogi shared how even your awkward flirting can be a superpower. Sometimes mistaken as off-putting, flirting actually offers a powerful gateway to real human connection.

    By reframing flirting as an act of curiosity, she explains how anyone can kickstart attraction and open the door to lasting love. In an impassioned presentation, Hogi demystifies flirting and explains why building attraction matters.

    Flirting can be a superpower

    Hogi explains that for 12 years she’s been helping people fall in love as both a matchmaker and a coach. “As a love professional, I can assure you that many dating problems can be solved with flirting,” Hogi says. “If you’re single, it helps you to connect and fall in love. If you’re partnered, it helps you to reignite or maintain the spark of chemistry that brought you together in the first place.”

    Many might have concerns about their ability to flirt. Will they be received well, or are they even doing it right? Hogi explains, “I’ve got good news for the introverts out there. You don’t have to be extroverted to be a magnet for connection. In fact, I believe that introverts have a secret advantage when it comes to flirting because your efforts at being more open feel more genuinely inspired by another person and therefore special.”

    She shares that flirting can give you confidence and courage. She also acknowledges that feeling awkward is normal. “Confidence with flirting comes from knowing yourself, your intentions, reading the room, discerning other people’s reactions, and adapting accordingly,” she says. “Sometimes it’s going to be awkward, sometimes it’s going to be embarrassing, and that’s okay.”

    flirtation, connection, mental health, good vibes, sexuality
    A couple enjoys flirting.
    Photo credit: Canva

    Healthy flirting

    “Flirting gives you more agency over human connection,” says Hogi.

    She then describes the two foundational principles of healthy flirting. The first is presence: being in the moment and avoiding distractions like a phone or the surrounding environment. The second is enthusiasm. Getting the right vibe while being enthusiastic goes a long way toward mastering the art of flirting. These principles have a strong effect on other people.

    Hogi explains that expressing positive intentions has a large impact on outcomes:

    “You have the ability to leave other people feeling good for having interacted with you…Even your unspoken appreciation for a shared moment of connection, no matter how brief, can often be felt. Lean into being the version of you who leaves other people with a smile on their face and notice how much more magnetic you become.”

    community, expression, humor, self-confidence, self-esteem
    A flirtatious interaction.
    Photo credit: Canva

    Hogi inspires the crowd

    People seem quite taken with Hogi’s energy and charisma. Some of the comments expressed admiration for her vibe and flirtatious delivery on stage. Hogi was sharing her own version of flirting as a superpower:

    “Even this presentation feels like shes flirting…especially her laughs”

    “She is such a good public speaker, ten minutes of speech with no filler words whatsoever”

    “Flirting is a way making one feel seen and acknowledged.”

    “Where were you, Francesca, when I needed these words? Like, 40 years ago? Never too late, right?”

    “Had me clapping in the end! She’z good”

    “I feel better about my flirting abilities after watching this now.”

    “She’s good , reading her body language generally teaches me more about flirting than learning it itself”

    gender, attraction, laws of attraction, social skills, personality traits
    A vintage photo of a couple flirting.
    Photo credit: Canva

    The power behind a flirtatious connection

    Flirting can have a powerful effect on both the initiator and the person on the receiving end. It isn’t necessarily about romance or sex. It helps build and strengthen relationships in everyday life.

    A 2025 study on ResearchGate analyzed where and how people flirt. The results suggested that people who flirt can improve with practice. The best flirting involved humor, confidence, and social skills. A 2026 study on ScienceDirect found that flirting can be an effective way for people to express their personality and individual differences. While personality traits and sex were linked to how often and how skillfully people flirted, these influences had only modest effects on overall outcomes.

    Hogi suggests flirting requires nuance and a little bit of courage. Practice prepares you for any occasion. “Attentiveness, compliments, playfulness—there’s nothing complicated about these actions, yet they have the potential to spark and sustain connection over time,” she says. “That’s a true superpower we can all tap into.”

    Hogi and the research suggest flirting isn’t just a trivial social game. It’s a meaningful way to express personality, build connections, and boost self-confidence. Flirting isn’t shallow. It doesn’t need to involve manipulation or outcome-obsessed action. These small everyday acts of courage embolden human connection and reveal individual superpowers in all of us.

  • Retired U.S. Navy chief explains how to end discipline anxiety with wholesome ‘butler’ trick
    (LEFT) A cluttered closet. (RIGHT) Chase Hughes.Photo credit: Canva and YouTube

    During an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, retired U.S. Navy chief Chase Hughes explained how to end discipline anxiety. Using a simple perspective shift, often referred to as the “butler” trick, he describes a method of “prioritizing the needs of our future self.”

    Hughes shares that understanding discipline is one of the fastest ways to change everything in our lives. We might wish discipline would arrive like a lightning bolt of motivation. However, Hughes suggests the solution lies in our relationship with discipline and the perspective we take on it, which ultimately relieves our anxiety.

    End discipline anxiety

    Hughes begins by explaining the importance of understanding what discipline actually is: “I define discipline as your ability to prioritize the needs of your future self ahead of your present self.” He goes on to explain that a simple reframing can change the link between discipline and anxiety.

    “If I can start looking backwards with gratitude, [it] is the fastest way to make discipline dopamine-generating,” Hughes says. “I want past-tense me to be a source of dopamine for present-tense me. Cause most of us look back with regret. ‘I shouldn’t have drank that much. I shouldn’t have mouthed off at the family reunion. You know whatever it is, I shouldn’t have overslept.’”

    discipline, butler tick, anxiety, service, community
    A butler ready to be of service.
    Photo credit: Canva

    The butler trick for discipline

    Instead, it’s possible to prioritize long-term endeavors over short-term desires. In the full YouTube video of the interview, Hughes describes the butler trick as a way of treating your future self as someone you can serve today, just like a butler. The concept of looking forward with concerned awareness and backward with gratitude can help release the connection between anxiety and discipline. This reframing and release of negativity help people better motivate themselves and manage their present circumstances.

    A 2025 study in SAGE Journals found that future self-orientation directly impacts discipline-related outcomes. This trick can lead to meaningful behavior change. By reframing our relationship with the past, we directly affect our relationship with discipline and procrastination. A 2023 study published by Springer Nature found that procrastination and self-control significantly influence attitudes toward time. How someone relates to time ultimately shapes whether discipline feels easy or overwhelming.

    Butler trick, discipline, time management, consistency, habit loops
    A woman realizes she is late.
    Photo credit: Canva

    Thoughts on the butler trick

    Viewers seemed universally impressed by the solution Hughes offers in the butler trick for discipline. Here are some of their thoughts:

    “I love it when Past Me has done something great to support Future Me. Sometimes it’s all I got, but it’s enough.”

    “This is the best advice on discipline I’ve ever heard in my life”

    “He’s giving you the blueprint for ultimate self care”

    “Be methodically organized and make your life less complicated and more suitable to your needs.”

    “I’ve heard everything can be looked at as a learning opportunity. Selfless gratitude + learning seems like a strong combo.”

    “Be my own butler. Love this!”

    self-discipline, self-mastery, perseverance, determination, butler trick
    Self-discipline is defined as controlling one’s own desires.
    Photo credit: Canva

    Discipline changes everything

    Hughes underscores the value discipline has in changing our lives:

    “Discipline is kind of the gateway drug to everything else in authority, and it’s the gateway to composure. But getting your discipline modified is one of the fastest ways to make everything else change.”

    Discipline can mistakenly be associated with punishment and rigid routine management. With Hughes’ framing, it might be better described as stewardship. Instead of battling the present, you can serve the future. The butler trick can help us all be more thoughtful toward the person we are becoming.

    You can watch the full interview with Chase Hughes on The Diary of a CEO podcast below:

  • Experts say you can ‘talk’ to someone using your eyebrows regardless of language or culture
    You say more with your eyebrows than you probably realize.Photo credit: Canva

    In order to communicate and read others effectively, people need to pay attention to others’ body language and their words. Of course, it’s not always easy to decipher. People can interpret body language very differently from one another, but some physical signs are universal (like a smile). However, more than just smiles are universal. New research suggests that, regardless of culture or language, understanding can be found in our eyebrows.

    Communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards shared how important eyebrows are for conveying and interpreting curiosity, engagement, and interest. Van Edwards explains that raising our eyebrows comes from humans wanting to widen their eyes to visually get a closer look at something. This behavior has since translated into nonverbally communicating the same thing in conversations. Seeing a person raise both eyebrows indicates that the conversation is in your favor. If their eyebrows are neutral or furrowed, you may want to make pivots or switch topics.

    @vvanedwards

    The Eyebrow Cue You’ve Been Ignoring

    ♬ original sound – Vanessa Van Edwards

    According to psychologist Dane Archer, as quoted by the Los Angeles Times, eyebrows are especially revealing. The eyes, brows, and forehead tend to show more authentic expression and are less performative than the lower half of the face. “If we are trying to mask our feelings, we do it with our lower face,” Archer said. “The upper face is under a little less control.”

    These aren’t the only experts vouching for the importance of eyebrows in human communication. A 2025 study at the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics found that eyebrows were essential for signaling problems of understanding. An audience member raising or furrowing their eyebrows can indicate to a speaker whether listeners understand or need more information.

    A speaker can tell how they’re being received by reading their listeners’ eyebrows. Either the audience is tracking with them, or the speaker needs to elaborate on a point. If a listener furrows their eyebrows and the speaker notices, they can pivot mid-speech to provide a clearer example. Once eyebrows return to a neutral position—or signal understanding—the speaker can move on.

    According to research from the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics, eyebrows are “initiating repair during conversation” to fix any misunderstandings on the fly.

    Researchers say this eyebrow movement isn’t just helpful for verbal communication, it also plays an important role in sign language. In American Sign Language, furrowed eyebrows while signing indicate that someone is requesting information. When asking a question, ASL users rely on brow movement to signal whether the question is genuine or rhetorical.

    While eyebrows primarily help keep sweat out of our eyes, psychologists argue there are other reasons we have them. Eyebrows are key factors in how humans evolved for communication, helping us express emotion to one another without words.

    This helps explain why expressions conveyed through eyebrows are nearly universal, regardless of differences in culture or language—and, in some cases, even species. Domesticated dogs, for example, have evolved prominent inner eyebrows that help them communicate more effectively with humans.

    The next time you’re conversing with someone, it’d be worth looking at their eyebrows to see what they’re truly saying back to you.

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