Buy You a Drink: Cocktails for Brett Ratner, Eddie Murphy, and Billy Crystal

Designing drinks for the dregs of Oscar season

Welcome to Buy You a Drink, where GOOD's resident mixologist offers a free libation to one (or four) thirsty newsmakers each week. This week: That whole Oscars thing.

Most people start with their spouses, their agents, or Jesus, but I’d like to begin by thanking the Academy. Thank you, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, for pulling the awards ceremony equivalent of a pantiless starlet exiting a limo, simultaneously eliciting pity and inviting us to a most ill-considered peepshow.

What did you think was going to happen when you put Brett Ratner in charge of... anything? Here’s just one thing that anyone with a web browser and 10 minutes could have learned about Mr. Ratner: “According to multiple eyewitness reports, he wisecracked to a class of New York University film student some years ago that they probably hadn’t seen ‘Rush Hour 3’ because they were watching ‘some fag shit’ instead.” Unless your Academy is the type that fails to offer Google Skills 101, you must have known that your choice for Oscars producer was a professional ignoramus. Yet you foisted him upon us all the same in a sinister plot to grab headlines months before your rightful place on the pop culture calendar.

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