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I started making amends instead of apologizing and it unlocked a life-changing confidence

“It’s not about saying sorry.”

By

Mark Wales

By  Mark Wales
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apology, amends, restitution, relationships, repentance, forgiveness, spiritual balance, moral repair
Couple talk while sitting on a bench. – Photo credit: Image via Canva – Photo by Mizuno K

Sometimes it feels like we live in a world lacking accountability. Too often the best course correction a person offers is some half-hearted apology that somehow leaves you feeling at fault. “I’m sorry you were offended.” Or maybe, “I didn’t know that would hurt your feelings.” I’m not above the behavior. Most of my life, if I wasn’t avoiding a problem, I was scooting the edges with my own careful, “My bad.” A little over ten years ago I started practicing making amends for my wrongs instead of just an apology. And it changed my life.

What’s the difference between an apology and making an amends?

So what’s the difference between an apology and an amends? Dictionary.com describes an apology as, “a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” This is a traditional ‘I’m sorry’ apology.

parents, atonement, personal accountability, restorative justice, hugs, connection, mental health, Biblical restitution
Father and son hug. Image via Canva – Photo by seb_ra

An amends goes a little deeper. “What can I do, to make this right?” There is a practice in 12-step recovery programs that involves making amends. The system and structure of the amends is very helpful. It is not necessary to be a part of a 12-step program to start making amends. Amends are not just saying sorry. They involve restoring what was broken by making restitution whenever possible. There are financial amends which involve paying money back. There are emotional amends which involve admitting wrongs and listening to those we harm. There are living amends when unable to contact the person. A key component isn’t just acknowledging what happened. It’s determining to behave differently going forward.

Historical Context

Many religions incorporate some form of amends into their philosophies on how to approach a healthy life. Christianity teaches repentance, confession, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restitution. Judaism practices Yom Kippur, the day of atonement where people seek forgiveness, repentance, and confess their sins. Buddhism speaks of Karma and right action, mindfulness. There is a practice of The Four Opponent Powers which are power of dependence, the power of regret, the power of the remedy, and the power of resolve.

Native and indigenous religions often practiced public apologies that incorporated ceremonial acts designed to restore peace. They aren’t just publicly saying sorry. They are attempting to restore trust and foster change through positive actions.

An amends is not a blanket apology. It is not an attempt to clear your own conscious. It is not a confession that will cause harm. They take courage, humility and offer a platform to cultivate real healing often for both people involved. However, there is no guarantees and it’s actually not the goal. Forgiveness is great, but may not happen.

In a reddit post titled, When did you start feeling relief after making amends? the comments are quite encouraging.

“Immediately, But it was more about the fact I could follow through with something so Intimidating that I thought I could never do it.”

“Most of my amends ranged from ho hum to painful rejection. But my sisters reaction actually brought tear to my eyes and made me grateful that I had pushed through the process.”

“Don’t forget to forgive yourself, both for the harm you caused others and the harm you caused yourself.”

“I had a Beautiful experience while making my amends!”

Here is a video from FOX 2 Detroit news interviewing Dr. Sabrina Jackson, an author, life coach, and practicing therapist who talks about the benefits of making amends.


I must admit the difference and change from making apologies to making amends was simply, scary. I had never practiced it. Standing in front of someone I had wronged or felt wronged by was intimidating. I had a community of people to seek guidance from and a close, personal, spiritual adviser to help me. I was well prepared. Over time it’s become a simple practice. Yes, sometimes I may get scared or hesitant. But, I have a wealth of experience now at practicing amends. I can reflect upon past interactions and be encouraged.

Here’s a list of things I’ve gained in the process of making amends:

  • Self Esteem – Being able to stand in front of someone and own my behavior and actions is a mind blowing confidence booster. It’s not just feeling better. It’s acting better.
  • Freedom from Guilt and Shame – This is not freedom from regret. Regret is healthy. It shows I want to be better and do better. Making amends helps break that cycle of self-loathing and avoidance.
  • Peace of Mind – Often avoiding amends means secrets and hiding of the truth. That’s a huge emotional weight that can be lifted and in most cases has been.
  • Humility – Acknowledging my flaws and offering a sincere attempt to correct them is a spiritual action. My experience is that humbling myself actually makes me feel stronger. I’m owning my behavior which takes courage.
  • Trust – My friends and family believe me and trust me because I act in a way that honors it and them. If I do wrong, I have the courage to admit it. I am accountable which is a much wanted self-esteem booster.
  • Improved Relationships – I’m able to empathize and connect on a much deeper level with the people I know, and the new people I meet. I feel strong and practice much healthier and more positive behaviors, because that’s part of making amends.

The world can benefit from some strong accountability. Too often we find ourselves overly invested in what other people are doing and how they need to be behaving better. The clear and simple truth is no matter how much we want them to change, our best course of action is demonstration. History carries the message of people that have shown up to life honest, whole, compassionate, and with a concerted effort to lead by example.

You might think that the greatest change for myself, based on the behavior and willingness to make amends, has been the way people approach me. My experience has been the greatest change is in how I approach them. I’m no longer wrapped up in what they did or are doing. Focusing on my own behavior gives me strength and empathy for the people that come into my life. I’m a stronger and more confident person who has learned from the mistakes he’s made. I’ve gained wisdom from doing what I can, to make those things right again.

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  • 17 everyday things we do now that the future will find utterly bizarre
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    17 everyday things we do now that the future will find utterly bizarre

    An online community imagined looking back from the year 2075, and their predictions about our current “primitive” habits are surprisingly convincing.

    Adam Albright Hanna

    GOOD Staff

    Hindsight is 20/20, but foresight is a little more complicated. Just as we look back at the Victorian era—with its arsenic makeup and child labor—and shudder, future generations will undoubtedly look back at 2025 and wonder, “What were they thinking?”

    A recent thread on r/AskReddit posed a fascinating thought experiment: “What’s something normal to us in 2025 that by 2075 will be seen as barbaric?”

    The thread exploded with over 4,500 upvotes, generating a mix of hopeful medical predictions, environmental critiques, and harsh truths about our social norms. Here are 17 of the most compelling things we do today that might horrify the history students of tomorrow.

    future predictions, 2075, barbaric habits, Reddit AskReddit, societal change, medical advancements, factory farming, child influencers, future tech, cultural shifts
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    The “Primitive” Hygiene & Diet

    1. Wiping with dry paper The concept of chopping down forests to dry-wipe our bodies baffled many users.

    “They cut down trees just to wipe themselves?!” one user imagined a future citizen asking. Another, u/Dramatic-Avocado4687, was blunt: “Wiping our asses with toilet paper.” The Future: High-tech bidets becoming the global standard.

    2. Factory farming This was a top answer. The industrial scale of animal agriculture was predicted to be looked upon with deep shame.

    “The worst hell on earth that humans have ever created,” wrote u/w0ke_brrr_4444.

    The Future: Lab-grown meat that is indistinguishable from the real thing, without the suffering.

    3. Eating animals entirely Some users went a step further, suggesting that 2075 society might be entirely vegetarian.

    “We don’t care because we don’t see it,” u/Zetsubou51 noted about our current disconnect from food sources. “Factory farms are awful for the animals and the people that work in them.”

    future predictions, 2075, barbaric habits, Reddit AskReddit, societal change, medical advancements, factory farming, child influencers, future tech, cultural shifts
    An empty hospital room Canva

    The “Dark Ages” of Medicine

    4. Chemotherapy While it saves lives today, “poisoning the whole body to kill a tumor” will likely look crude to future doctors.

    “We still poison the whole body with chemo and hope the cancer dies first,” noted u/Vocalscpunk.

    The Future: Targeted genetic therapies that delete cancer without making the patient sick.

    5. Drilling into teeth Dentistry involving drills and metal rods might be viewed the way we view Civil War amputations.

    u/nomiis19 offered a hopeful alternative: “Pull the tooth, get injection, grow a new tooth.”

    6. Ignoring women’s pain The medical industry’s historical dismissal of women’s pain was a major point of contention.

    “Not giving anesthesia with placing IUDs,” wrote u/tt_DVM2011. u/ThatRoryNearThePark shared a personal horror story: “Worst pain of my life… couldn’t sit upright for at least 48 hours.”

    7. Medical bankruptcy The idea that getting sick could make you homeless is a concept many hope will be extinct.

    “Medical bankruptcies and for-profit healthcare leaving people to die if uninsured,” wrote u/SarlacFace.

    8. Orthopedic hardware

    “Orthopedic surgery with drills, rods, and screws?” asked u/Orthocorey.

    Future surgeons might view our titanium pins and screws as barbaric carpentry rather than medicine.

    future predictions, 2075, barbaric habits, Reddit AskReddit, societal change, medical advancements, factory farming, child influencers, future tech, cultural shifts
    Trash floating on the surface of the ocean Canva

    The Environmental & Social Reckoning

    9. Single-use plastics We wrap fruit in plastic, drink from plastic, and wear plastic.

    “Plastic everywhere, all the time,” wrote u/letthisbeanewstart. u/MarkNutt25 added that “plastic textiles” and microfibers will likely be viewed as an environmental disaster we willingly wore.

    10. Burning fossil fuels Burning liquefied dinosaurs to move cars will likely seem inefficient and dirty.

    u/loftier_fish offered a grim reality check: “If the answer isn’t ‘using fossil fuels,’ there will be a lot fewer humans to deem anything barbaric in 2075.”

    11. Humans driving cars We let imperfect, distracted, tired apes pilot two-ton metal death machines at 70 mph.

    “Driving yourself will seem barbaric,” predicted u/CranberryCheese1997. The Future: Fully autonomous transport networks that eliminate traffic accidents.

    12. Fast fashion The cycle of buying cheap clothes to wear once and throw away was called out by u/rabbity_devotee for filling landfills and exploiting labor.

    13. Animal entertainment

    “Drugged dolphins in resorts and whales at SeaWorld. Barbaric,” wrote u/w0ke_brrr_4444. Future generations may view zoos and marine parks the way we view old-timey circuses.

    The “What Were We Thinking?” Lifestyle

    14. Child influencers Putting children on the internet for profit before they can consent was a major ethical concern.

    “Hopefully, monetizing your children for social media will seem barbaric,” wrote u/TheWorstWitch.

    15. The 40-hour workweek

    “Working a 9-5 just to survive? Barbaric,” said u/DeathofSmallTalk1. Though u/EvaMayShadee cynically noted, “We’ll probably be working 60-hour weeks by then.”

    16. Doomscrolling Spending our one wild and precious life staring at a glowing rectangle.

    “Spending multiple hours, every day, scrolling mindlessly on social media,” predicted u/cornylilbugger.

    17. The optimistic twist Finally, one user suggested that we might be the civilized ones compared to what is coming.

    “By 2075, we’re gonna be way more barbaric… we’ll fight over everything once food gets scarce,” u/NapoleonDonutHeart warned.

    Let’s hope the optimists win this round.

    This article originally appeared earlier this year.

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  • A millionaire went homeless to prove he could make $1M in a year. He lasted 10 months.
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    A millionaire went homeless to prove he could make $1M in a year. He lasted 10 months.

    Michael Black gave up his house and savings to prove he could rebound from rock bottom, but a medical emergency forced him to face a harsh reality.

    Adam Albright Hanna

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    In July 2020, entrepreneur Michael Black (known online as @mikeblack) made a radical decision. To prove that success is about mindset rather than resources, he voluntarily drained his bank accounts, gave up his apartment, and walked onto the streets with nothing but the clothes on his back.

    His goal was audacious: launch a business from scratch and generate $1 million in revenue within 12 months.

    He called it the “Million Dollar Comeback.” However, with just two months left on the clock, the experiment came to a sudden, painful halt.

    Black’s motivation came from a place of empathy. During the height of the pandemic, he watched friends lose successful businesses overnight.

    “I knew a lot of people who lost everything during the pandemic and they got really depressed,” he explained in a Nas Daily video. He wanted to document a blueprint for resilience, proving that it was possible to bounce back from absolute rock bottom.

    The beginning was brutal. He faced immediate homelessness, relying on the kindness of a stranger who let him sleep in an RV. He slowly clawed his way up, selling free furniture on Craigslist to generate seed money. By day five, he had bought a computer. Within two weeks, he had secured office space.

    But while his business acumen was sharp, his body was breaking down.

    Four months into the challenge, tragedy struck. Black’s father was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. The emotional toll of managing his father’s chemotherapy while trying to survive on the streets (or close to it) began to mount.

    Simultaneously, Black’s own health collapsed. Viewers of his YouTube series didn’t know that between his hustle-focused uploads, he was secretly visiting doctors. He was eventually diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases that caused chronic fatigue and excruciating joint pain.

    In a somber 2021 update, Black announced he was pulling the plug.

    “I have officially decided to end the project early,” he told his followers. “Now, as much as it hurts me to do this, especially with just two months left, I feel like it’s the right thing to do.”

    By the time he quit, Black hadn’t made a million dollars, but he hadn’t failed completely, either. Starting from zero, he had generated $64,000 in revenue—a respectable salary for ten months of work, though far short of his seven-figure goal.

    Ultimately, the experiment taught a lesson different from the one he intended. He set out to prove that “hustle” conquers all, but he learned that health and family are the ultimate non-negotiables.

    “We have been through a lot together,” Black said in his farewell to the project. “We walked miles together and spent late nights in the office… [but] health and family come first.”

    This article originally appeared last year.

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  • Chris Hemsworth made ‘one lifestyle change’ amid Alzheimer’s diagnosis that we all need to commit to
    Array – Photo credit: Gage Skidmore / Wikimedia Commons
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    Chris Hemsworth made ‘one lifestyle change’ amid Alzheimer’s diagnosis that we all need to commit to

    He shared how this one change helped him take control of his stress and protect his brain health.

    GOOD Staff

    Chris Hemsworth has opened up about the most prominent change he’s made since learning he’s at high risk for Alzheimer’s disease. The actor, who discovered his genetic predisposition while filming season one of his National Geographic series “Limitless,” said the adjustment wasn’t physical, but it’s something he now considers essential. Hemsworth revealed that he’s started building stillness and solitude into his daily routine, a decision that came after realizing how constant stress could impact brain health. “I don’t want to be in a sprint anymore,” the actor said, as he opened up about finding more time to spend with his loved ones.

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    Chris Hemsworth at the 2024 Cannes Film Festival. Frank Sunu00a0/ Wikimedia Commons

    What he changed after the Limitless revelation

    “There’s good stress… and then there’s continual dumping of cortisol, which is negative. Being in that fight or flight state, which in this modern world, we tend to find ourselves in far too often and for prolonged periods,” he told LADbible. That understanding led him to step back from the nonstop pace he was used to. He described making a conscious effort to slow down and take control of his time and abate signs of cognitive decline. “I sort of pushed back a little bit on the sort of ride I was on, where I felt like I wasn’t in control. I was just being dragged along,” he said.

    What APOE4 means for Alzheimer’s risk

    The change came after Hemsworth learned he carries two copies of the APOE4 gene, one from each parent, which puts him at significantly higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. According to Mayo Clinic, carrying one E4 variant doubles or triples the risk of developing Alzheimer’s diseasesevere onset of the disease. The result, shared by longevity physician Dr. Peter Attia during filming, was kept off camera at first to allow Hemsworth time to process the information, as per Fox News.

    sleep routine, screen-free evenings, ice baths, breathwork, surfing therapy, Menu2019s Health, Dr Peter Attia, family time, cognitive decline, healthy aging, Thor actor, Avengers Doomsday
    Chris Hemsworth speaking at the 2014 San Diego Comic Con International Gage Skidmoreu00a0/ Wikimedia Commons

    Since the diagnosis…

    Though he made headlines for taking a break from acting after the episode aired, Hemsworth clarified that he’s not retiring. He’s returning to play “Thor in Avengers: Doomsday” and will star alongside Barry Keoghan in Crime 101. He explained that the break was part of a broader shift in how he approaches work, stress, and his health. Hemsworth said the news also prompted him to re-evaluate how he spends time with his family. “It made me think about my kids and how they’re growing up and things are changing so dramatically. I want to sit, I want to soak it in. I don’t want to be in a sprint anymore,” he told Dr. Attia. Reflecting on the experience, Hemsworth said the Alzheimer’s disease diagnosis was a reminder and “a realization of the fragility of everything, but also the beauty of things. And how to really take stock in the important relationships and experiences in life, and have them be purposeful.”

    @brutamerica Chris Hemsworth is taking a break from acting after learning he is predisposed to Alzhiemer’s disease, which his grandfather is currently battling. #news #fyp ♬ Love Of My Life – Metrow Ar

    In an interview with Men’s Health, Hemsworth said he’s adjusted his physical routine to match his new priorities. “I’m lifting less frequently than I was, and I’m incorporating more cardio and endurance workouts,” he shared. “I’ve always been pretty consistent with my exercise commitments, but lately I’ve really felt the importance of taking time for yourself without any outside voice or stimulation.”

    He now focuses on sleep, screen-free evenings, and mindfulness practices like ice baths, breathwork, and surfing — habits he says help him reset and stay present to avoid signs of cognitive decline. “My favorite mindfulness work comes from the immersion in physical activities that allow me to be fully present and force me out of my head and into my body,” he said.

    This article originally appeared last year.

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