Relationships can be difficult, even for the most committed and loving couples. Whether you’re dating or married, it’s important to make time for one another whether it’s a committed weekly date night, planned intimacy, or scheduling check-ins at the end of the work day. However, a psychologist says that one of the best ways to stay together is to actually make some time daily to stay apart.
Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers wrote that one of the best habits for the happiest couples to practice is for each person to take time for an “individual reset” each day. Each weekday can be filled with stress from answering emails from work, raising kids, and other tasks or interactions throughout that keep your brain focused, worried, processing, or all three. All of that stuff leaving you “on” could distract you or keep you feeling on edge when you’re supposed to be relaxed and focusing on time with your partner.
So while prioritizing time alone sounds illogical on paper, Dr. Travers says it’s important that each person takes some time alone after the work day ends to “reset” before engaging with their loved one. This can be a few minutes or an hour. You can do whatever you want during that time: a short walk outside, a full workout, transcendental meditation, or watching an episode or two of your favorite TV show. Do whatever recharges you, as long as you do it solo. Offering your partner time by themselves can be a gift to them as well.
Doing this individual reset allows you to mentally clear your plate, leaving you ready and open for time with your partner. This allows both of you to focus better on each other during your time together rather than juggling that alongside all the other thoughts, worries, to-do lists, and concerns that have piled up throughout the work day. “It might sound counterintuitive, but sometimes the best way to reconnect is to recharge separately first,” Travers shared on CNBC.
Making yourself ready and clear allows you to be present and better at all the other things that help keep romantic relationships alive and connected. By having your “me time,” the bit of “we time” you have with your partner will be more focused, whether it’s sharing dinner together, becoming physically intimate, or just playing a card game.
There are a few other daily habits that Dr. Travers recommends to keep relationships strong. One includes setting up a morning routine together to mentally remind yourselves that you’re a team, whether it’s getting up a little early to chat or just sipping coffee and quietly eating breakfast before work. Another is to regularly check-in with a text or a quick phone call throughout the day, even if all you end up doing is saying “I love you” or sharing a funny GIF. He also recommends doing a small “Are we okay?” audit before bed to get any issues out in the open before they grow too big to tackle.
So do your best to spend some time for yourself so you can be fully charged and present for the people you love most.
