When sharing the secrets to a happy marriage, there’s one golden rule that comes to mind consistently for experts and longstanding couples alike: friendship. Because while love and lust are nice, of course, being real, honest, and true friends with your partner is the most important part of any relationship, particularly a marriage you’d like to see last.
While studying love and relationships during his professorship at Harvard, Dr. Arthur Brooks has shared that the most important kind of love is companionate love. According to the American Psychological Association, companionate love is “characterized by strong feelings of intimacy and affection for another person rather than strong emotional arousal in the other’s presence.” As the Encyclopedia of Social Psychology shares, companionate love is “also known as affectionate love, friendship-based love, or attachment.” While a guest on the podcastThe Drive helmed by Peter Attia, MD, Brooks discussed the nature of companionate love and its importance to relationships, adding that “the goal of your marriage is not passion, it's friendship.” You really, actually, have to like each other.
Dr. Arthur Brooks discusses the importance of companionate love with Dr. Peter Attia. Dr. Peter Attia, MD www.youtube.com
“You must be close friends, ideally, best friends, with your spouse,” Brooks continues. Because if you have kids who grow up and move away, what are you going to talk about when they’re gone? But if you have something to talk about–ideally some overlapping philosophies you enjoy discussing, Brooks says–and you enjoy each other’s company, your relationship is virtually unstoppable.
You may not always have passion; in fact, as Brooks says, it’s actually “healthy, normal and actually advisable” that it peters over time “because it's more sustainable over the long run.” But you don’t just have to take it from Brooks.
Below: Denzel Washington and Pauletta Washington have been married for 42 years.
The renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman–founder of The Gottman Institute, whose goal is “to foster and sustain greater love and health in relationships”--believed this was the case as well. To continue creating friendship when you’ve been together for a long time, the Institute believes you need to keep listening, keep being interested, keep sharing your experiences, and keep being a good teammate.
Indeed, when answering the question, “What’s the secret to a happy marriage?” respondents in the Reddit thread r/AskOldPeople had the same thing to say. “Valuing our friendship together as much as our romantic interest in one another,” one person shared.
Below: Elton John and David Furnish have been together for 32 years.
“Marry someone you really, really like. Because if you’re doing life together, you’re going to go through a lot of shit. So much shit, y’all,” another shared. “You’ve got to have a partner who you genuinely love seeing walk into the room at least 90% of the time. It’s been 32 years and I still smile when my partner shows up.”
“I’d say my own marriage is happy because we like, love and respect each other,” one more poster added. “We also overlap a lot in values and interests although we each have our own hobbies. And we are not competitive with each other.”
Below: Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson have been married for 37 years.
Tom Hanks shares what makes a happy marriage with 60 Minutes Australia. 60 Minutes Australia, www.youtube.com
And while there will be work, and there will always be work, liking your partner in addition to loving them means there’s a much higher chance that you’ll want to show up to do that work, too. No relationship is easy, but if you and your partner are friends it can become so much easier.
Below: Michelle Obama and Barack Obama have been married for 33 years.
Michelle Obama shares her marriage philosophy with NPR. NPR, www.youtube.com
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Ketel Marte was brought to tears during an MLB game after facing a shameful fan taunt.
Baseball manager's poignant support for a player brought to tears after shameful fan taunt
Whether they’re expecting perfection from their favorite players or, worse, behaving callously toward opposing teams, sports fans often forget that athletes are human beings. But athletic competition has the ability to unify and uplift, even amid such painful and unpleasant encounters. Take, for example, a major-league baseball game held June 24, 2025 between the home team Chicago White Sox and visiting Arizona Diamondbacks.
A shameful low point occurred when Diamondbacks second baseman Ketel Marte was at bat in the seventh inning. Per ESPN, a fan reportedly yelled out a comment regarding Marte’s late mother, Elpidia Valdez, who died in a 2017 car accident in the Dominican Republic. Team personnel, including manager Torey Lovullo, then requested the 22-year-old fan be ejected. (Though he was remorseful and admitted his actions were inappropriate, according to an ESPN source, he was nonetheless banned indefinitely from all MLB ballparks.) "We commend the White Sox for taking immediate action in removing the fan," the MLB said in a statement. Marte reportedly declined to comment.
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
While the fan’s behavior is inexcusable, it did spark a powerful and inspiring moment. After hearing the comment, Marte was visibly upset, prompting Lovullo to walk on the field, put his arm around him, and offer some words of encouragement. "[I said,] 'I love you, and I’m with you, and we’re all together, and you’re not alone,'" Lovullo said in a post-game interview, as documented by The Rich Eisen Show. "'No matter what happens, no matter what was said or what you’re heard, that guy is an idiot.’"
According to Arizona Republic, Lovullo heard the fan’s comment but didn’t want to repeat it. “I looked right at [Marte] when I heard,” he said. “I looked right at him, and he looked at the person, as well. He put his head down and I could tell it had an immediate impact on him, for sure."
Elsewhere in the post-game interview, the manager called the moment "terrible" and reflected on why he stood up for Marte. "Fans are nasty, and fans go too far sometimes," he said. "I love my players, and I’m gonna protect them…I’ve known Ketel for nine years. He’s had some unbelievably great moments and some hardships as well and some really tough moments in his life. I know those. At the end of the day, we’re human beings, and we have emotions. I saw him hurting, and I wanted to protect him."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
The following day, the Chicago White Sox X account sent out a message in support of Marte, writing, "We’re with you" and "Baseball is family." On The Rich Eisen Show, the show's host addressed the need to eradicate this kind of toxic athlete-fan interaction: "I was hearing [people saying], 'There’s no place for this in major league baseball.' There isn’t. There’s no place for this in our society. I understand that people are saying the MLB has got to do something about this. Fans have a right to heckle players—this is something that has happened forever…But there is a line."
In another recent, depressing sports moment with a beautiful coda, let’s look to Game 7 of the NBA Finals between the Indiana Pacers and the eventual champions, the Oklahoma City Thunder. During the first quarter, Pacers point guard Tyrese Haliburton tore his right Achilles tendon—a devastating injury that could potentially sideline him for most of the 2025-2026 season. Following the game, in a lovely display of sportsmanship, Thunder point-guard and league MVP Shai Gilgeous-Alexander went to the Pacers locker room to check on his competitor. In a press conference, he said, "You just hate to see it, in sports in general. But in this moment, my heart dropped for him. I can't imagine playing the biggest game of my life and something like that happening. It’s so unfortunate."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com