What do collecting old editions of Dungeons & Dragons monster manuals, securing the same tailgate spot for over 20 years and mastering yoga postures have in common? They are all forms of “serious leisure.”

These pursuits are different from casual hobbies in several ways. They require participation over longer periods, which makes people who practice them more skilled and more connected with the activity over time. The driving force for casual leisure is having fun; when a participant becomes more focused on accomplishment and improving their skills, the pursuit can gradually become more serious.

I direct the Rehabilitation and Recreational Therapy Program at Florida International University. In my research, I study leisure pursuits and various contexts for serious leisure, with a focus on the tabletop role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons.

I also work in recreational therapy, which helps people recover and return to their pursuits after injury or illness. The approach we use can work as well for someone starting out with a new hobby.

The idea of serious leisure was coined in 1982 by sociologist Robert Stebbins, who described the unique characteristics of more structured leisure pursuits. The more we understand about why people do the things they do, the more they can benefit from their pursuits. Even fringe or supposedly nerdy activities like D&D offer insight into the connections people form when they delve into a nonwork activity.

Why so serious?

People often associate leisure with ease and freedom. In contrast, serious leisure involves pursuing something for a long time and gradually developing the skills and knowledge required to excel at it. People have to push through barriers or setbacks to stay engaged and make progress.

Over time, participants come to identify with the activity and to feel included in a subculture that has its own norms and values. In my work, that sometimes means developing elaborate characters who can battle beasts, dragons and giants.

Dungeons & Dragons, which was developed in 1974, is a long-form game that takes place in multiple sessions that can last weeks, months or years. A Dungeon Master moderates the game and assumes the role of all monsters and non-player characters.

The Dungeon Master narrates an adventure, aided by a Dungeon Master’s Guide and Monster Manual. Players create characters that possess certain traits and qualities. The outcomes of battles, decisions and interactions are determined by dice rolls.

My study included convening focus groups with regular D&D players to determine whether their experiences playing the game represented serious leisure, as opposed to casual leisure associated with traditional board games.

Players described developing their characters for years and acquiring knowledge and skills. They learned how magical items and weapons worked, made calculations and researched their character sheets. All of these practices are attributes of a uniquely D&D subculture.

Participants also described the benefits they received from playing the game. For many of them, D&D offered a sense of community. It also was a safe space and a welcoming activity for those who might feel excluded by traditional leisure pursuits, such as sports and competitive games.

From yoga to tailgating

Prior studies have identified many other activities that can qualify as serious leisure, depending on the level of engagement. Some are in-person physical activities like yoga, sport clubs and rock climbing. Others include online pursuits like multiplayer online games and a virtual Harry Potter running club where members share running stories and experiences keyed to Harry Potter-themed discussion topics, such as logging miles in virtual races for their specific Hogwarts houses. Studies have explored game-based pursuits like tournament bridge, and even the social art of tailgating among serious football fans.

In each case, researchers found that participants experienced hallmarks of serious leisure. For example, participants in multiplayer online games describe prolonged immersion in the activity. Yoga students pursued systematic training and skill development. And maniacally devoted Florida Gators fans scheduled family events around football season.

In all cases, participants became increasingly involved over time, acquired knowledge and skills, and often forged shared identities and social connections.

Are you serious?

How do you know if your favorite leisure pursuit has gotten serious? One indication could be spending a lot of time on it and expanding your related knowledge or skills. You may also personally identify with the activity and its associated norms or subculture. Perhaps you’re increasingly spending time with other participants, and even using shared lingo.

Ideally, your serious leisure pursuit will give you pride and a sense of accomplishment. Belonging to a shared subculture can make it easier to express yourself, which promotes social interaction and a feeling of belonging.

These benefits aren’t trivial. Studies show that Americans’ social networks are getting smaller and that people are spending more time alone. These trends are associated with increased risks for premature death, heart disease and stroke, anxiety and depression, and dementia. In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on the loneliness epidemic that called for a national strategy to advance social connection.

Leisure pursuits are a way to develop shared interests and social contacts. For example, dedicated bridge players describe a social world unique to champion-level players that involves hierarchies and relationships spanning decades. Serious participants in multiplayer online games describe feeling like part of a team and working together to share materials, skills and knowledge to help win challenges and battles. And serious football fans describe rites of passage associated with fandom, such as a solo performance of the team fight song on the tailgate of a truck.

How to start

Serious leisure doesn’t happen instantly, and not every practice needs to reach this level of commitment. Casual leisure has benefits too, so there is value in just getting started. But when a beginner gets obsessed with a new pursuit, it may start to take on the qualities of serious leisure over time.

Starting a new hobby can be nerve-racking, especially when it takes place outside of our familiar home environments. Start small, go easy and match the level of challenge with your skill. You just may find yourself getting serious about it.

This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.

  • Licensed therapist says these 3 steps stop rude people from hijacking your mind
    Woman exhausted by man's poor behavior.Photo credit: Canva

    Licensed therapist Jeffrey Meltzer offers three steps for dealing with rude people. In his helpful TikTok post under the name therapytothepoint, he suggests helpful tactics that go far beyond setting simple boundaries.

    Rude people are almost impossible to avoid, and the instinct to snap back or make a passive-aggressive remark can be strong. Meltzer shares some practical mental health advice that can lead to a calmer resolution.

    It Begins With Emotional Regulation

    Some individuals might believe that other people are responsible for how they make us feel. Meltzer suggests that self-regulation is an important first step to dealing with disrespectful people. Despite instincts to retaliate or escalate the situation, staying calm is more effective.

    Meltzer proposes that reciprocating aggression will only embolden a rude person and even justify their poor behavior. Instead, calmness and controlling our emotions will disrupt the pattern. Meltzer explains, “You might feel angry, embarrassed, disrespected, but calmness is about your behavior, despite the internal chaos you may be having. At the end of the day, emotional regulation is your strength, and reactivity gives your power away.”

    A 2024 study in the National Library of Medicine found that people’s ability to reappraise a stressful event in a more balanced way was strongly linked to greater resilience and better recovery from stress. The strategy helps people stay calmer by changing how the brain interprets the event.

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    A woman is rudely interrupted on the phone.
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    Passive Aggression Is NOT a Solution

    An easy response might be the simple eye roll, sarcasm, or a retaliatory personal dig. Meltzer points out that these are only ego attempts to win an unwinnable situation. “Instead, be straightforward. I’m open to talking about this, but not like that. It’s hard for me to connect when you speak to me that way.” Meltzer explains that these tactics bring clarity and remove the defensive guard of said rude individuals.

    A 2026 study in Psychology Today reported that passive-aggressive behaviors worsen relationship dynamics and fail to resolve disagreements. Criticism, ostracism (ignoring others), and sabotage all undermine cooperation and relational success.

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    A man blows a dandelion in a woman’s face.
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    Role play works

    Practice makes perfect has value in dealing with rude people. “You don’t magically become composed under pressure; you train for it.” Meltzer continues, “Practice with a friend. Practice with your therapist. Have them be rude. Respond calmly. Respond assertively. Respond clearly. Because in real life, you don’t rise to the moment, you fall to your level of preparation.”

    A 2024 study in the National Library of Medicine revealed that an individual’s level of assertiveness can be trained. The strategy of preparation reduced feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.

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    Interrupting a meditation.
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    Stay Calm, Be Assertive, and Practice

    The solutions offered by Meltzer seem to resonate. Several people reveal their own struggles when facing similar predicaments. These are some of their comments:

    “Practice with a therapist? Why didn’t I think of that”

    “You don’t rise to the moment you fall to the level of your preparation. I’m gonna memorize that.”

    “I’m waiting for you to write a book about all your amazing insights”

    “I can handle them but i internalize later n let it ruin my day”

    “The real skill is knowing when to ignore and when to address it. Not everything deserves your energy.”

    “Rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength. Just say that to them and if they continue, walk away with a smile.”

    Meltzer advises that the best way to handle rudeness begins with how we respond. Diffusing a situation helps maintain peace of mind. Remaining composed helps control our own reactions. In the end, rehearsing for success allows us to stay confident when difficult situations arise.

  • Love educator shares how awkward flirting can be turned into a romantic superpower
    A couple flirts on the dance floor.Photo credit: Canva

    In a recent TED Talk, love coach Francesca Hogi shared how even your awkward flirting can be a superpower. Sometimes mistaken as off-putting, flirting actually offers a powerful gateway to real human connection.

    By reframing flirting as an act of curiosity, she explains how anyone can kickstart attraction and open the door to lasting love. In an impassioned presentation, Hogi demystifies flirting and explains why building attraction matters.

    Flirting can be a superpower

    Hogi explains that for 12 years she’s been helping people fall in love as both a matchmaker and a coach. “As a love professional, I can assure you that many dating problems can be solved with flirting,” Hogi says. “If you’re single, it helps you to connect and fall in love. If you’re partnered, it helps you to reignite or maintain the spark of chemistry that brought you together in the first place.”

    Many might have concerns about their ability to flirt. Will they be received well, or are they even doing it right? Hogi explains, “I’ve got good news for the introverts out there. You don’t have to be extroverted to be a magnet for connection. In fact, I believe that introverts have a secret advantage when it comes to flirting because your efforts at being more open feel more genuinely inspired by another person and therefore special.”

    She shares that flirting can give you confidence and courage. She also acknowledges that feeling awkward is normal. “Confidence with flirting comes from knowing yourself, your intentions, reading the room, discerning other people’s reactions, and adapting accordingly,” she says. “Sometimes it’s going to be awkward, sometimes it’s going to be embarrassing, and that’s okay.”

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    A couple enjoys flirting.
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    Healthy flirting

    “Flirting gives you more agency over human connection,” says Hogi.

    She then describes the two foundational principles of healthy flirting. The first is presence: being in the moment and avoiding distractions like a phone or the surrounding environment. The second is enthusiasm. Getting the right vibe while being enthusiastic goes a long way toward mastering the art of flirting. These principles have a strong effect on other people.

    Hogi explains that expressing positive intentions has a large impact on outcomes:

    “You have the ability to leave other people feeling good for having interacted with you…Even your unspoken appreciation for a shared moment of connection, no matter how brief, can often be felt. Lean into being the version of you who leaves other people with a smile on their face and notice how much more magnetic you become.”

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    A flirtatious interaction.
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    Hogi inspires the crowd

    People seem quite taken with Hogi’s energy and charisma. Some of the comments expressed admiration for her vibe and flirtatious delivery on stage. Hogi was sharing her own version of flirting as a superpower:

    “Even this presentation feels like shes flirting…especially her laughs”

    “She is such a good public speaker, ten minutes of speech with no filler words whatsoever”

    “Flirting is a way making one feel seen and acknowledged.”

    “Where were you, Francesca, when I needed these words? Like, 40 years ago? Never too late, right?”

    “Had me clapping in the end! She’z good”

    “I feel better about my flirting abilities after watching this now.”

    “She’s good , reading her body language generally teaches me more about flirting than learning it itself”

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    A vintage photo of a couple flirting.
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    The power behind a flirtatious connection

    Flirting can have a powerful effect on both the initiator and the person on the receiving end. It isn’t necessarily about romance or sex. It helps build and strengthen relationships in everyday life.

    A 2025 study on ResearchGate analyzed where and how people flirt. The results suggested that people who flirt can improve with practice. The best flirting involved humor, confidence, and social skills. A 2026 study on ScienceDirect found that flirting can be an effective way for people to express their personality and individual differences. While personality traits and sex were linked to how often and how skillfully people flirted, these influences had only modest effects on overall outcomes.

    Hogi suggests flirting requires nuance and a little bit of courage. Practice prepares you for any occasion. “Attentiveness, compliments, playfulness—there’s nothing complicated about these actions, yet they have the potential to spark and sustain connection over time,” she says. “That’s a true superpower we can all tap into.”

    Hogi and the research suggest flirting isn’t just a trivial social game. It’s a meaningful way to express personality, build connections, and boost self-confidence. Flirting isn’t shallow. It doesn’t need to involve manipulation or outcome-obsessed action. These small everyday acts of courage embolden human connection and reveal individual superpowers in all of us.

  • Retired U.S. Navy chief explains how to end discipline anxiety with wholesome ‘butler’ trick
    (LEFT) A cluttered closet. (RIGHT) Chase Hughes.Photo credit: Canva and YouTube

    During an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, retired U.S. Navy chief Chase Hughes explained how to end discipline anxiety. Using a simple perspective shift, often referred to as the “butler” trick, he describes a method of “prioritizing the needs of our future self.”

    Hughes shares that understanding discipline is one of the fastest ways to change everything in our lives. We might wish discipline would arrive like a lightning bolt of motivation. However, Hughes suggests the solution lies in our relationship with discipline and the perspective we take on it, which ultimately relieves our anxiety.

    End discipline anxiety

    Hughes begins by explaining the importance of understanding what discipline actually is: “I define discipline as your ability to prioritize the needs of your future self ahead of your present self.” He goes on to explain that a simple reframing can change the link between discipline and anxiety.

    “If I can start looking backwards with gratitude, [it] is the fastest way to make discipline dopamine-generating,” Hughes says. “I want past-tense me to be a source of dopamine for present-tense me. Cause most of us look back with regret. ‘I shouldn’t have drank that much. I shouldn’t have mouthed off at the family reunion. You know whatever it is, I shouldn’t have overslept.’”

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    A butler ready to be of service.
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    The butler trick for discipline

    Instead, it’s possible to prioritize long-term endeavors over short-term desires. In the full YouTube video of the interview, Hughes describes the butler trick as a way of treating your future self as someone you can serve today, just like a butler. The concept of looking forward with concerned awareness and backward with gratitude can help release the connection between anxiety and discipline. This reframing and release of negativity help people better motivate themselves and manage their present circumstances.

    A 2025 study in SAGE Journals found that future self-orientation directly impacts discipline-related outcomes. This trick can lead to meaningful behavior change. By reframing our relationship with the past, we directly affect our relationship with discipline and procrastination. A 2023 study published by Springer Nature found that procrastination and self-control significantly influence attitudes toward time. How someone relates to time ultimately shapes whether discipline feels easy or overwhelming.

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    A woman realizes she is late.
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    Thoughts on the butler trick

    Viewers seemed universally impressed by the solution Hughes offers in the butler trick for discipline. Here are some of their thoughts:

    “I love it when Past Me has done something great to support Future Me. Sometimes it’s all I got, but it’s enough.”

    “This is the best advice on discipline I’ve ever heard in my life”

    “He’s giving you the blueprint for ultimate self care”

    “Be methodically organized and make your life less complicated and more suitable to your needs.”

    “I’ve heard everything can be looked at as a learning opportunity. Selfless gratitude + learning seems like a strong combo.”

    “Be my own butler. Love this!”

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    Self-discipline is defined as controlling one’s own desires.
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    Discipline changes everything

    Hughes underscores the value discipline has in changing our lives:

    “Discipline is kind of the gateway drug to everything else in authority, and it’s the gateway to composure. But getting your discipline modified is one of the fastest ways to make everything else change.”

    Discipline can mistakenly be associated with punishment and rigid routine management. With Hughes’ framing, it might be better described as stewardship. Instead of battling the present, you can serve the future. The butler trick can help us all be more thoughtful toward the person we are becoming.

    You can watch the full interview with Chase Hughes on The Diary of a CEO podcast below:

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