In our modern world, one might think making connections and finding relationships is easier. Perhaps for some it actually is. However, with more people moving toward online dating, fewer are meeting and starting relationships in person.
On the Reddit thread r/AskMenAdvice, someone asked, “Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?” Some of the answers shed light on a troubling situation. Men aren’t comfortable asking women for their numbers in public, and so they don’t do it.
Redditors share why they aren’t asking women for their numbers in person
Men have other avenues for striking up a conversation with less face-to-face risk. With social media and dating apps, some find it a simple, and safe, alternative. Many find the thought of social embarrassment overwhelming if they were to approach a woman in public, and so prefer the safety of swiping left or right. Still, with fewer young people dating, there’s a dramatic change in how we form relationships in the modern world. As this trend unfolds, it’s worth investigating why men aren’t asking women for their numbers anymore.
It’s harder than ever to read signals
There’s no doubt that people respecting each others’ boundaries should be the standard. However, some men complain that it’s hard to tell what those hard-line boundaries are these days. Does a transition still exist to move from a casual conversation to asking someone out on a date?
“Also, we’ll assume maybe she was just being nice and fun and we absolutely aren’t picking up any hints. Unless you tell us explicitly, assume we don’t know.”
“Yup. Flirty, laughing, touching me… And then laugh at me when I ask for her number.”
“There has been a big (and imo positive) move forward in terms of men misreading women’s friendliness as interest, so a lot of men are simply more cautious these days. Perhaps it’s about that?”
“I’m extremely dense and need a runway lit up like a Christmas tree for me to realize you’re flirting. Then you have to ask for my number.”
Men feel like in-person is no longer a viable option
It seems the modern consensus is that it’s probably better that men don’t approach women in public for various reasons. Due to this, and according to some of the comments on the thread, the responsibility for moving a relationship forward in a public space falls on women.
“The sentiment from women for the last few decades has been don’t bother women while they are working, or while they are at the gym, or while they are on the street, or at a bar. And I think it definitely is an overcorrection from men in general. But it’s tough to find that balance and you don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable…”
“Social media has proven public encounters are off limits. I’m not here for you to feel good about yourself and make media content for others to enjoy. I don’t approach anyone. The ones ‘acting really nice’ get a smile, small talk, and ‘have a nice day.’”
“Because women have made it clear that they don’t want men approaching them.”
“You don’t know who has a 50k follower tiktok account that will put you on blast if you have the audacity to approach while ugly”
Trying to respect a modernized dating world
Women have every right to be treated respectfully. These men shared that they want to meet that standard:
“Contrary to popular belief most men do listen, and the loudest women tend to be those who are telling men to stay away and not ask. So people listened.”
“I never ask for a woman’s number, i offer them my own. It can be a red flag to ask for theirs, i dont want them to feel unsafe. I offer mine that way if theyre interested they can reach out to me without giving out their own info to a random guy first”
“Better for a woman to give her number versus asking in today society”
Don’t be creepy
Rejection can be uncomfortable and even painful. Nobody wants to be viewed as undesirable and downright creepy. These men find that thought mortifying:
“Cuase we dont wanna end up on tik tok as “creeps” and “stalkers” and lose our jobs and life’s ruined”
“There was a thread the other day where someone said it was normal to ask someone you just met out and/or for a number and there were ENDLESS responses that it was creep behavior and not normal. I’m not sure how one of the most normal rituals on the planet has suddenly become creep behavior.”
“Men have been chastised in the media to the point they dont want to do anything that may come off as sexually harassing.”
“From around 2023 onwards I feel like the attitude towards men showing any kind of interest in women has soured. Absolutely everything can be considered creepy. It’s like a weird social contagion caused by TikTok.”
What science says is happening
A 2024 study by DatePsychology reported that about 45% of men ages 18-25 had never asked a woman out on a date in person. These young men are heavily reliant on social media and dating apps to navigate social anxiety and the fear of rejection. There seems to be a growing trend of less energy invested in dating in general. In a 2025 survey, Dating News reported the average U.S. single person went on fewer than two in-person dates in 2024.
Although research into the psychology of recent dating trends is a rather small body of work, dating anxiety seems to be a significant factor. The distress about initiating a romantic interaction reduces the likelihood of someone making a first move. A 2022 study in Research Gate found that people’s growing attachment to their appearance and the high value placed on it make rejection more anxiety-inducing.
If people are going to attempt to move a casual conversation toward a possible date, that transition of responsibility now rides heavily on women. As this Redditior stated, “The ball is in the women’s court now; you can ask us, or we will respectfully treat all your ‘hints’ as you just being nice.”
