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Love educator shares how awkward flirting can be turned into a romantic superpower

“Flirting gives you more agency over human connection.”

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Mark Wales

By  Mark Wales
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Francesca Hogi, flirting, TedTalk, attraction, chemistry, humans, psychology, superpowers
Photo credit: Canva – A couple flirts on the dance floor.

In a recent TED Talk, love coach Francesca Hogi shared how even your awkward flirting can be a superpower. Sometimes mistaken as off-putting, flirting actually offers a powerful gateway to real human connection.

By reframing flirting as an act of curiosity, she explains how anyone can kickstart attraction and open the door to lasting love. In an impassioned presentation, Hogi demystifies flirting and explains why building attraction matters.

Flirting can be a superpower

Hogi explains that for 12 years she’s been helping people fall in love as both a matchmaker and a coach. “As a love professional, I can assure you that many dating problems can be solved with flirting,” Hogi says. “If you’re single, it helps you to connect and fall in love. If you’re partnered, it helps you to reignite or maintain the spark of chemistry that brought you together in the first place.”

Many might have concerns about their ability to flirt. Will they be received well, or are they even doing it right? Hogi explains, “I’ve got good news for the introverts out there. You don’t have to be extroverted to be a magnet for connection. In fact, I believe that introverts have a secret advantage when it comes to flirting because your efforts at being more open feel more genuinely inspired by another person and therefore special.”

She shares that flirting can give you confidence and courage. She also acknowledges that feeling awkward is normal. “Confidence with flirting comes from knowing yourself, your intentions, reading the room, discerning other people’s reactions, and adapting accordingly,” she says. “Sometimes it’s going to be awkward, sometimes it’s going to be embarrassing, and that’s okay.”

flirtation, connection, mental health, good vibes, sexuality
A couple enjoys flirting.
Photo credit: Canva

Healthy flirting

“Flirting gives you more agency over human connection,” says Hogi.

She then describes the two foundational principles of healthy flirting. The first is presence: being in the moment and avoiding distractions like a phone or the surrounding environment. The second is enthusiasm. Getting the right vibe while being enthusiastic goes a long way toward mastering the art of flirting. These principles have a strong effect on other people.

Hogi explains that expressing positive intentions has a large impact on outcomes:

“You have the ability to leave other people feeling good for having interacted with you…Even your unspoken appreciation for a shared moment of connection, no matter how brief, can often be felt. Lean into being the version of you who leaves other people with a smile on their face and notice how much more magnetic you become.”

community, expression, humor, self-confidence, self-esteem
A flirtatious interaction.
Photo credit: Canva

Hogi inspires the crowd

People seem quite taken with Hogi’s energy and charisma. Some of the comments expressed admiration for her vibe and flirtatious delivery on stage. Hogi was sharing her own version of flirting as a superpower:

“Even this presentation feels like shes flirting…especially her laughs”

“She is such a good public speaker, ten minutes of speech with no filler words whatsoever”

“Flirting is a way making one feel seen and acknowledged.”

“Where were you, Francesca, when I needed these words? Like, 40 years ago? Never too late, right?”

“Had me clapping in the end! She’z good”

“I feel better about my flirting abilities after watching this now.”

“She’s good , reading her body language generally teaches me more about flirting than learning it itself”

gender, attraction, laws of attraction, social skills, personality traits
A vintage photo of a couple flirting.
Photo credit: Canva

The power behind a flirtatious connection

Flirting can have a powerful effect on both the initiator and the person on the receiving end. It isn’t necessarily about romance or sex. It helps build and strengthen relationships in everyday life.

A 2025 study on ResearchGate analyzed where and how people flirt. The results suggested that people who flirt can improve with practice. The best flirting involved humor, confidence, and social skills. A 2026 study on ScienceDirect found that flirting can be an effective way for people to express their personality and individual differences. While personality traits and sex were linked to how often and how skillfully people flirted, these influences had only modest effects on overall outcomes.

Hogi suggests flirting requires nuance and a little bit of courage. Practice prepares you for any occasion. “Attentiveness, compliments, playfulness—there’s nothing complicated about these actions, yet they have the potential to spark and sustain connection over time,” she says. “That’s a true superpower we can all tap into.”

Hogi and the research suggest flirting isn’t just a trivial social game. It’s a meaningful way to express personality, build connections, and boost self-confidence. Flirting isn’t shallow. It doesn’t need to involve manipulation or outcome-obsessed action. These small everyday acts of courage embolden human connection and reveal individual superpowers in all of us.

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  • It’s a myth that baby boys are less social than girls – a new look at decades of research shows all babies are born to connect
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    A sweeping review finds no inborn social gap at birth.

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    Girls and boys are equally social at birth.

    This finding, based on my team’s synthesis of six decades of research, may come as a surprise. Gender differences in adults’ social sensitivity are famous. Women outperform men at recognizing faces and emotions, and they score modestly higher on measures of empathy. They are likelier to take jobs working with people, such as in teaching and health care, whereas men are likelier to choose jobs working with “things,” such as in engineering or plumbing.

    But how early do these differences emerge, and are they a matter of evolution or social learning? For years, some theorists have argued the former: that the difference is innate, built into the brain hardware of girls and boys through Darwinian selection. But this perspective relies almost exclusively on just one high-profile, yet deeply flawed, study of 102 newborns.

    Mining the neonatal research trove

    Realizing that psychologists have been studying newborns’ social orientation for decades, my team of neurobehavioral researchers and I set out to collect all the data – every published study that has compared boys’ and girls’ attention to social stimuli in the first month of life. Our goal was to better test the hypothesis of an inborn gender difference in attention to, or interest in, other people.

    Our study was a systematic review, meaning we searched through every published report indexed in both medical and psychological databases from the 1960s onward.

    We cast a wide net, looking for any research that measured newborns’ attention to or preference for human faces or voices and that reported the data separately by gender. Importantly, we did not limit our search to the terms “gender difference” or “sex difference,” since these would bias the collection by potentially excluding studies that failed to find boy-girl differences..

    As expected, we unearthed dozens of studies comparing newborn boys and girls on social perception: 40 experiments reported in 31 peer-reviewed studies and involving nearly 2,000 infants. The majority of studies measured the amount of time newborns spent looking at faces, either at a single face or comparing a baby’s preference between two faces of differing social value, such as their own mother versus a woman who was a stranger.

    Our data collection was large enough that we were able to carry out meta-analysis, which is a statistical method for combining the results of many studies. Meta-analysis essentially turns many small studies into a single large one. For studies measuring neonates’ looking time at faces, this included 667 infants, half of them boys and half of them girls.

    a blue and a red distribution curve overlap almost completely making it look mostly purple
    Newborn boys and girls are similarly attentive to faces, with the distribution of time they spend looking almost completely overlapping. Data from Karson et al. plotted using tool at sexdifference.org.

    The result was clear: nearly identical social perception between baby boys and girls. There was no significant difference between genders overall, nor was there a difference when we focused only on studies measuring babies’ gaze duration on a single face, or only on studies measuring babies’ gaze preference between two different faces.

    Our search also netted two other types of studies. One focused on a remarkable behavior: newborns’ tendency to start crying when they hear another baby cry. An early study found this “contagious crying” to be marginally more common in girls. But when we performed meta-analysis on data across nine contagious-crying experiments, including 387 infants, there was again no solid evidence for male-female difference.

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    In other words, girls in this test seemed a bit more attuned to every type of stimulus, perhaps due to a general maturity advantage that they hold from fetal development through puberty. But there was nothing special about their interest in people, according to the Brazelton assessment.

    Boys, too, prefer faces

    Our findings align with other well-designed studies, including one finding that 5-month-old boys and girls equally prefer looking at faces over toy cars or other objects, and another finding that 2-month-old boys actually perform better than girls at detecting faces. So taken together, current research dispels a common myth that girls are innately “hardwired” to be more social than boys in early life.

    The truth is that all babies are wired for social engagement at birth. Boys and girls are both primed to pay attention to human faces and voices, which, after all, belong to those who will keep them fed, safe and comforted.

    Despite their best intentions, most parents cannot help but stereotype their infants by gender and begin treating boys and girls differently early on. Presuming that sons are already less social is not a recipe for remedying this bias. Our research can help dispel this myth, giving every child, male or female, the best possible start for connecting with and caring about other people.

    This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.

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    Licensed therapist shares 6 signs you’re doing a lot better than you think you are

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    For many people, it’s easy to overlook progress because it often lacks clear milestones. There can be increased anxiety and stress from feeling like they’re still catching up or even falling farther behind.

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    A look at smaller, decentralized systems

    Smaller systems can be effective, with lower initial costs and quicker start-up processes.

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