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Pat Robertson Warns That Partying Makes Us “Enslaved to Vegetables”

I, for one, welcome our new leafy overlords

While some toil under the silly impression they’re being watched over by some all-knowing, benevolent deity, professional internet scienticians proved years ago that it was, in fact, the lizard people who control our day-to-day lives and provide marching orders to our illuminati overlords. But what if—and I know this may be hard to believe—that were all a lie? What if every time you partied, you were unknowingly submitting yourself to some other cruel, mindless, fibrous master? What if we were slaves to… vegetables?

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