When your boss tells you to do a task that won’t work or is just a bad idea, it can create an awkward situation. Due to the power dynamic, you don’t want to get yourself fired by telling them “no” or that their idea won’t work. Egos can be on the line, leading to serious tension. It may sound impossible, then, to ever give a superior sound feedback, but that’s far from the truth.

In fact, there are some tactful ways to disagree and even just say “no” to your superior without even using those words. You don’t have to say, “You’re wrong,” “That’s a bad idea,” or anything really negative at all.

Here are some phrasings and reframings to use when you’re in a tight spot and need to disagree with your boss or their plan. In fact, they might respect you more after you’ve used them.

“Are you open to another perspective?”

Leading with this question is a way to ask permission to push back without actually asking for permission. Directly asking for permission to push back not only makes it awkward but could make you appear intimidated when you’re not. 

Asking if your manager is open to other perspectives allows them to know that you’re approaching this with curiosity and the company’s goals in mind. It’s not shutting down their ideas or looking out for yourself. It is a great opportunity to start a dialogue.

It’s also a safe way to test the waters to see if it is the right time to offer your opinion. If your boss declines, whether to schedule a time to further discuss or not, you’ll know how they feel about the issue.

“I want to make sure I’m understanding this correctly, can you tell me a bit more?”

“’Can you help me understand the goal here?’ is a powerful phrase to have in your back pocket,” tech career coach Dr. Kyle Elliott shares with GOOD. “It buys you more time, indicates genuine curiosity, and often prompts your manager to think through the idea more carefully on their own, instead of putting the burden on you. Often, they’ll talk themselves into the problem before you have to point it out, which is a major win.”

“I agree with your point. The challenge I see is…”

Finding common ground is key in finding a resolution within a disagreement. This type of phrase allows you to start off on a friendly note. It shows that while you may not agree with your superior’s approach, you do agree with the overall goal or desire. With this framing, your boss will likely be more open since you’re addressing the problems and not their idea.

“You know, we tried that at another company and here’s what we found…”

HR Director and founder of HRStudyPro.com Kevin Byford shared a great point with GOOD: If you know your manager’s idea won’t work because of your past experience, bring that up.

Byford suggests framing it this way:

“You know, we actually tried that at (name of other company) when I worked there, and what we found was (reason why the suggestion/method that your boss proposed didn’t work). I had the same thought you did when we were implementing that, but what ended up working was (insert your counter-suggestion/proposal).”

“This accomplishes a few things,” said Byford. “First, you are not simply speculating that they are wrong; you are telling them about a legitimate outcome you experienced first-hand. More importantly, you are signaling that, at one point in time, you actually agreed with them, until proven wrong.”

“This changes the narrative from ‘My gut is telling me you’re wrong”’to ‘Let me save you the trouble I went through when I tried that same idea.’”

“If we pursue this idea, it would probably require some trade-offs. Is this idea worth it?”

Dr. Larry Schooler, professor of communication studies at the University of Texas at Austin, told GOOD that if a manager is really sold on their idea, it might be best to present the other factors or needs. This is because they may not be aware of the scope of what they are requesting.

“If the manager is really intent on pursuing that one idea, the employee can say, ‘From my perspective, if we pursue this, it would probably require these tradeoffs (pull people off other projects, delays to other projects, cut funding to other projects, etc.) Is that a tradeoff you think is worth making to get this done?’” said Dr. Schooler. “That can provoke a meaningful conversation to figure out how much of a priority this one idea is.” 

“I’m currently focused on (name of current project). Can we discuss how this new idea should be prioritized?”

If your boss still believes in their idea or suggestion while you’re working on a different project, this phrasing could help in different ways. It reminds your boss what you are working on and allows them to weigh the importance of it versus what they’re requesting. 

The end result will likely benefit you in some fashion. Your boss might see the current task as a priority and leave you to it without pursuing their new one. Or, they will remove the current task and put you to work on their idea. In either situation, you won’t be having additional work piled onto you no matter if their idea succeeds or fails.

If, for some reason, your boss piles both tasks onto you, you may have to request further one-on-one time to discuss trade-offs and their expectations again.

While every boss and manager is different, you’ll generally be able to earn their respect while pushing back if the focus is on finding solutions together with positive, active framing.

  • America’s friendliest states
    Photo credit: New Africa // ShutterstockA young couple talking to a friendly elderly neighbor.
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    America’s friendliest states

    Mountain West states lead the nation in community connection.

    The ways in which Americans connect vary widely by state. A range of factors contribute to a place’s overall character, but the time residents spend socializing, volunteering and helping people outside their own homes can shape how friendly it feels.

    SmartAsset analyzed the 50 states by the number of minutes per day residents spend on these three “friendly activities,” using time and action as measures of how communities connect. The results offer a behavioral snapshot of where residents spend the most time engaging with others in their communities.

    Key Findings

    • The Mountain West leads the rankings. Montana (No. 1), Utah (No. 2), and Wyoming (No. 3) took the top spots in the study, with residents of Montana averaging a nation-leading 95 minutes per day socializing, volunteering and helping others.
    • Mountaineers are the most likely to help others. Although West Virginia ranked No. 24 overall, its residents spent more time than any others providing unpaid help to people outside their own homes, about 30 minutes per day.
    • Rankings challenge some stereotypes. Despite its reputation for “Minnesota Nice,” Minnesota ranked No. 11, just outside the top 10. Washington, home to Seattle and its “Seattle Freeze” reputation, ranked No. 10.
    • Three Northeast states in the top 20. Although residents of Northeastern states are not always seen as especially warm by outsiders, three states in the region made the top 20: Rhode Island, Massachusetts and Maryland.
    Table listing the top 20 friendliest states in America.

    The 20 Friendliest States

    1. Montana
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 43.36
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 35.62
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 15.89
    1. Utah
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 38.24
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 32.46
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.95
    1. Wyoming
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 35.57
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 40.49
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 7.07
    1. Oregon
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 53.74
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 14.85
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.36
    1. Illinois
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 32.37
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 14.12
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 28.43
    1. Rhode Island
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 52.15
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 5.33
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 17.35
    1. Nebraska
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 39.3
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 11.08
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 24.06
    1. North Dakota
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 35.5
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 24.61
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.88
    1. Missouri
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 43.44
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 16.05
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 11.86
    1. Washington
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 30.59
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 24.04
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 14.92
    1. Minnesota
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 30.33
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 11.75
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 25.18
    1. Massachusetts
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 35.38
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 9.63
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.91
    1. Wisconsin
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 36.51
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 8.46
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.86
    1. Colorado
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 27.08
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 16.82
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.31
    1. Maryland
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 26.05
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 25.72
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.39
    1. Michigan
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 38.9
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 11.21
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.98
    1. Tennessee
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 33.82
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 9.45
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 19.53
    1. South Dakota
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 41.61
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 0.21
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.61
    1. Hawaii
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 26.3
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 14.84
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.98
    1. Virginia
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 38.96
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 10.92
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 11.97

    Methodology

    This study uses data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey, extracted from IPUMS, over the most recent available four-year period. For each state, SmartAsset calculated the average daily minutes residents spent socializing, volunteering, and helping people outside the household. Those three measures were then equally weighted and summed to produce a total time value used to rank the states. Source data providers are not affiliated with, and do not endorse or sponsor, this study or its findings.

    Citation: Sarah M. Flood, Liana C. Sayer, Daniel Backman and Annie Chen. American Time Use Survey Data Extract Builder: Version 3.3 dataset. College Park, MD: University of Maryland and Minneapolis, MN: IPUMS, 2025. https://doi.org/10.18128/D060.V3.3

    This story was produced by SmartAsset and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.

  • Who owns the beach? It depends on state law and tide lines
    Photo credit: Normanack/Flickr, CC BYIf you want to stroll the shoreline, know your rights.
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    Who owns the beach? It depends on state law and tide lines

    Public access shifts with tides and state law.

    As Americans flock to beaches this summer, their toes are sinking into some of the most hotly contested real estate in the United States.

    It wasn’t always this way. Through the mid-20th century, when the U.S. population was smaller and the coast was still something of a frontier in many states, laissez-faire and absentee coastal landowners tolerated people crossing their beachfront property. Now, however, the coast has filled up. Property owners are much more inclined to seek to exclude an ever-growing population of beachgoers seeking access to less and less beach.

    On most U.S. shorelines, the public has a time-honored right to “lateral” access. This means that people can move down the beach along the wet sand between high and low tide – a zone that usually is publicly owned. Waterfront property owners’ control typically stops at the high tide line or, in a very few cases, the low tide line.

    But as climate change raises sea levels, property owners are trying to harden their shorelines with sea walls and other types of armoring, squeezing the sandy beach and the public into a shrinking and diminished space.

    As director of the Conservation Clinic at the University of Florida College of Law and the Florida Sea Grant Legal Program, and as someone who grew up with sand between my toes, I have studied beach law and policy for most of my career. In my view, the collision between rising seas and coastal development – known as “coastal squeeze” – now represents an existential threat to beaches, and to the public’s ability to reach them.

    The beach as a public trust

    Beachfront property law has evolved from ideas that date back to ancient Rome. Romans regarded the beach as “public dominion,” captured in an oft-cited quote from Roman law: “By the law of nature these things are common to all mankind; the air, running water, the sea and consequently the shores of the sea.”

    Judges in medieval England evolved this idea into the legal theory known as the “public trust doctrine” – the idea that certain resources should be preserved for all to use. The U.S. inherited this concept.

    Most states place the boundary between public and private property at the mean high tide line, an average tide over an astronomical epoch of 19 years. This means that at some point in the daily tidal cycle there is usually a public beach to walk along, albeit a wet and sometimes narrow one. In states such as Maine that set the boundary at mean low tide, you have to be willing to wade.

    Sign directs beachgoers to walk along the water's edge.
    A sign marks the demarcation between public beach and private property in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida. AP Photo/Brendan Farrington

    Everybody in!

    Early beach access laws in coastal states were largely designed to ensure that workaday activities such as fishing and gathering seaweed for fertilizer could occur, regardless of who owned the beach frontage. Increasingly, however, public recreation became the main use of beaches, and state laws evolved to recognize this shift.

    For example, in 1984 the New Jersey Supreme Court extended the reach of the Public Trust Doctrine beyond the tide line to include recreational use of the dry sandy beach. In a pioneering move, Texas codified its common law in 1959 by enacting the Open Beaches Act, which provides that the sandy beach up to the line of vegetation is subject to an easement in favor of the public.

    Moreover, Texas allows this easement to “roll” as the shoreline migrates inland, which is increasingly likely in an era of rising seas. Recent litigation and amendments to the act have somewhat modified its application, but the basic principle of public rights in privately owned dry sand beach still applies.

    Most states that give the public dry sand access on otherwise private property do so under a legal principle known as customary use rights. These rights evolved in feudal England to grant landless villagers access to the lord of the manor’s lands for civic activities that had been conducted since “time immemorial,” such as ritual maypole dancing.

    Oregon’s Supreme Court led the way in judicially applying customary use rights to beaches in 1969, declaring all the state’s dry sand beaches open to the public. Florida followed suit in 1974, but its Supreme Court decision has since been interpreted to apply on a parcel-by-parcel basis.

    Like Texas, North CarolinaHawaii and the U.S. Virgin Islands all have enacted legislation that recognizes customary use of the sandy beach, and courts have upheld the laws.

    Sand wars in Florida

    Florida has more sandy beaches than any other state, a year-round climate to enjoy them, and a seemingly unbounded appetite for growth, all of which makes beach access a chronic flashpoint.

    Along Florida’s Panhandle, pitched battles have erupted since 2016, with beachfront property owners and private resorts asserting their private property rights over the dry sandy beach and calling sheriffs to evict locals. When beachgoers responded by asserting their customary use rights, Walton County – no liberal bastion – backed them up, passing the local equivalent of a customary use law.

    Florida’s Legislature stepped in and took away the local right to pass customary use laws, except according to a complicated legal process that only a few local governments have initiated. Critics argue that the law has made it harder for communities to establish lateral public access to beaches and has done little to resolve the ongoing disputes.

    What about just adding sand?

    Erosion is both an enemy and a potential savior of beach access. As rising seas erode beaches, pressure to harden shorelines grows. But armoring shorelines may actually increase erosion by interfering with the natural sand supply. Adding more sea walls thus makes it increasingly likely that in many developed areas the dry sand beach will all but disappear. And what once was the public wet sand beach – the area between mean high and low tide – will become two horizontal lines on a vertical sea wall.

    House fronted by sea wall extending into the ocean.
    The sea wall around this Florida Panhandle beach house blocks public movement along the shore. Thomas Ankersen, CC BY-ND

    One alternative is adding more sand. Congress authorizes and funds the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers to restore beaches with sand pumped from offshore or trucked from ancient inland dunes. States must typically match these funds, and beachfront property owners occasionally collectively pitch in.

    But federal regulations require communities that receive these funds to ensure there is adequate access to nourished beaches from the street, including parking. And new beaches built from submerged shorelines must be maintained for public access until rising seas submerge them again.

    This requirement, along with more arcane property rights issues, led landowners in Florida’s Walton County to fight a beach nourishment project that would have protected their property from erosion. They took the case to the U.S. Supreme Court and lost.

    Beach nourishment, too, is a temporary solution. Good-quality, readily accessible offshore sand supplies are already depleted in some areas. And accelerating sea level rise may outpace readily available sand at some point in the future. Squeezed between condos and coral reefs, South Florida beaches are especially at risk, leading to some desperate proposals – including the idea of grinding up glass to create beach sand.

    This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.

  • Why fatherhood matters more than ever before
    Photo credit: Xavier Desmier/Gamma-Rapho via Getty ImagesIn much of the industrialized world, daily life is increasingly organized around the nuclear family.

    Long gone are the days of the distant dad.

    According to some estimates, the average time dads spend caring for their kids each day has quadrupled over the past 50 years. Their attitudes about parenting are also changing. Today, men are about as likely as mothers to say parenting is a key source of meaning and a central priority in their lives. Roughly 85% of fathers identify parenthood as one of the most important aspects of their identity.

    As a parenting researcher who focuses on fathers, I’m pleased to see that dads are so invested in their kids. It correlates with better outcomes for kids, and it reduces pressure on moms.

    But there’s a less encouraging trend tucked into these gains. More is being asked of dads – and moms, for that matter – because the extended family and community networks that once supported childrearing have shrunk or deteriorated.

    Parenting alone

    In researching my new book, “Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How it Shapes Men’s Lives,” I talked to an anthropologist named Barry Hewlett, who has spent his career studying hunter-gatherer fathers.

    One society he studies, the Aka Pygmies of the Central Congo, have been called “the best fathers in the world” for their dedication to childcare. Aka men are frequently observed within arms reach of their infants and take a lead role in raising them. Children are seen as central to men’s lives.

    However, if you compare the time Aka dads spent on childcare with recent data on American parents, as parenting writer Tomo Kumaki recently did, you might be surprised.

    According to 2024 American Time Use Survey data – considered the gold standard of evidence on how Americans are spending their time – American dads of infants are devoting about 125 minutes a day to what’s called “primary child care,” in which their main activity is tending to the child. They’re spending another 394 minutes on what’s known as “secondary child care,” which involves watching a child while doing something else, such as cooking dinner or straightening up the house.

    In contrast, according to Hewlett’s research from the field, Aka fathers of infants spend about 57 minutes a day on primary and 96 minutes a day on secondary childcare.

    The minutes American dads relayed should be taken with a grain of salt; it’s a stretch to compare an anthropologist’s direct observations with self-reported time diary data, which can often be subject to bias. Still, it’s striking to see how – based on these calculations, at least – today’s new dads are devoting far more time to parenting than a society described as having the best dads in the world.

    Children sit on the ground in various poses. Some cook and help with food prep. A man in a red shirt stands with his arms folded, watching.
    Among the Aka people, who are indigenous, nomadic hunter-gatherers native to Central Africa, men take a lead role in raising their children. Andia/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

    When I spoke with him about how fatherhood has changed, Hewlett told me he thinks the role of fathers has taken on more importance today than ever before – not just because mothers are more likely to have jobs outside the home, but because there are simply fewer childcare helpers around.

    When you’re surrounded by your kin and neighbors in a communal setting like the Aka, it’s easy to get assistance with kids. Fathers care for children, but so do lots of other people.

    A 2021 study of another hunter-gatherer society, the Agta, which lives in the mountains of the Philippines, found that fathers provided only about 7% of child care. Mothers, however, provided only about 25%. The rest came from siblings, grandparents, extended family, peers and other community members, who all pitch in.

    A class divide

    In much of the industrialized world, daily life is organized around the nuclear family, with relatives and neighbors playing a less central role than they once did.

    Today’s fathers contribute more to childcare than even the most hands-on hunter-gatherer dad, because there’s simply less of a village to support shared care.

    Even as men are being asked to take on a bigger role in childcare, it’s become harder for some men to do so. That’s because – in the U.S., at least – the time men are able to spend on childcare has become increasingly stratified by class.

    Journalists Derek Thompson and Aziz Sunderji analyzed multiple waves of U.S. data collected by the Multinational Time Use Study and were able to show that the significant rise in the time dads spend parenting over the past 60 years has primarily been driven by college-educated fathers.

    When the Multinational Time Use Study started in the 1960s, fathers with a college degree were devoting only a few extra minutes per day to childcare compared with noncollege-educated dads. But the gap has quintupled over that time span, such that college-educated dads are now spending 46 more minutes with their kids each day compared with noncollege-educated dads.

    So why the growing divide? In part, it’s because benefits such as universal paid paternity leave and stable, flexible work options are available only to dads with good jobs.

    Only about half of U.S. fathers take any paid paternity leave following the birth of a new baby, because many employers don’t offer it. In theory, most dads who can’t access paid leave should be eligible for unpaid leave through the 1993 Family and Medical Leave Act. However, since that legislation doesn’t apply to small businesses or many part-time or gig work situations, about 44% of workers are ineligible for it. Low-wage dads are also often reluctant to take leave because they can’t afford to lose income.

    The rise of what sociologists call intensive parenting among the most educated, affluent parents also helps account for some of the class divide in parenting time. As the wealth gap between the richest and poorest Americans has widened over the past 60 years, many parents have been eager to optimize their children’s success. Devoting extra time to children, including monitoring their schoolwork and enrolling them in enrichment activities that require time and money, has become one way for parents with privilege to give their children a leg up.

    In my view, hands-on parenting should not be a luxury good. Americans should be fighting for policies that empower all dads, no matter their income, to enjoy time with their children. The village could use some rehabilitation, too, since parents fare best when they have access to community support and stronger connections with their neighbors, friends and family.

    This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.

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