102 days after unexpectedly losing his wife, true crime writer Michelle McNamara, comedian Patton Oswalt published an emotional Facebook post about his all-consuming grief. He starts by comparing it to depression, writing that “Grief is Jason Statham holding that 4th grade bully’s head in a toilet and then fucking the teacher you’ve got a crush on in front of the class. Grief makes depression cower behind you and apologize for being such a dick.”
McNamara, who suddenly passed away last April at the age of 46, left behind not only Oswalt, but a 7-year old daughter (Alice) and an unfinished book about the Golden State Killer.
Oswalt addresses the pain in a way that should resonate with anyone who’s ever lost someone close.
“But 102 days at the mercy of grief and loss feels like 102 years and you have shit to show for it.” he wrote. “You will not be physically healthier. You will not feel ‘wiser.’ You will not have ‘closure.’ You will not have ‘perspective’ or ‘resilience’ or ‘a new sense of self.’ You WILL have solid knowledge of fear, exhaustion and a new appreciation for the randomness and horror of the universe. And you’ll also realize that 102 days is nothing but a warm-up for things to come.”
But the post was not without its humor or hints of optimism. He promises that he will soon get back to writing, acting, and “making thing I like and working with friends on projects and do all the stuff I was always so privileged to get to do before the air caught fire around me and the sun died.” He also pledged to finish his wife’s book.
And the comic finishes up the epic post with a vow to getting back to what he’s most known for — making people laugh.
He wrote:
“Okay, I’ll start being funny again soon. What other choice do I have? Reality is in a death spiral and we seem to be living in a cackling, looming nightmare-swamp. We’re all being dragged into a shadow-realm of doom by hateful lunatics who are determined to send our planet careening into oblivion.”
Read his full post below:
