Before having a conversation with a stranger, many people assume the interaction will be boring, uncomfortable, or simply not worth the effort. A recent study found that people routinely underestimate how enjoyable and meaningful these interactions can be.
In a recent paper, “Conversations About Boring Topics Are More Interesting Than We Think,” researchers suggest one of the biggest obstacles to human connection may be our own expectations. Across nine experiments involving 1,800 participants, talking on topics people expected to be boring turned out to be far more engaging than they predicted.
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People unknowingly avoid meaningful conversations with strangers
Elizabeth Trinh, a doctoral student at the University of Michigan and lead study author, placed people in conversations about topics that they identified as boring. Options varied from the stock market to cats to vegan diets.
The study asked participants to predict how a conversation with unfamiliar people might go. Most participants expected less enjoyment, less connection, and less value from the exchange. The results suggest that people are surprisingly poor at forecasting their own social experiences.
After the interaction with a stranger, the majority believed it went far better and was more engaging than they had predicted. In an American Psychological Association press release, Trinh said, “People consistently expected conversations about seemingly boring topics to be less interesting than they turned out to be.”
The study indicates people might place too much emphasis on the topic and situation itself. Because once people start actually talking, the content matters far less than the interaction. “What really drives enjoyment is engagement,” explained Trinh.
“Feeling heard, responding to each other, and discovering unexpected details about someone’s life can make even a mundane topic meaningful,” she added.
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People opt out of potential connections
The study shows that people may be opting out of potential connections because they assume that opportunity isn’t worth their time and energy. It also challenges the idea that meaningful conversations require a special chemistry or a pre-existing relationship.
Instead, ordinary interactions with neighbors, coworkers, or people standing in a line may offer more emotional value than once believed. “Even a brief conversation about everyday life may be more rewarding than we expect,” said Trinh.
Researchers have repeatedly found that people feel better after engaging with strangers, even when expectations of awkwardness are high. They report feeling happier and more connected. Responding to another person, sharing experiences, and discovering unexpected connections far outweigh the importance of a strong starting point.
An epidemic of loneliness
These findings offer a reassuring contrast to the belief that modern loneliness is a growing problem that may not be easily solved. Avenues for connection may be far more abundant than many people think.
Several proposed solutions to loneliness and social isolation involve building new friendships through social groups and new hobbies. But Trinh’s research suggests a far simpler approach. People may be surrounded by opportunities that they routinely dismiss. Most of us assume boring, small talk won’t go anywhere, yet even a brief chat with a coworker or stranger may offer more social value than people realize.
The basic, everyday exchanges people have been avoiding might actually be some of the most valuable. Rather than planning the perfect social outing, a willingness to talk with a stranger that we might otherwise avoid could lead to a more meaningful experience.
