Hang More Pirates

Pirates! They’re all over the news these days, aren’t they. We featured them on GOOD News, and there is even a pirate map where you can track them. But who is solving the pirate problem. No one really, and that’s a problem, because they are stealing boats filled with tanks and oil and then demanding lots of money. Students of history, or fans of Johnny Depp, will remember that we used to have an even larger pirate problem. How’d we solve that one? We killed all the pirates. Any pirate caught on the high seas was summarily hung. Sounds grizzly, but, hey, then there were no more pirates. Now we are too lily-livered to do anything like that, and instead no one even captures pirates because they might ask for asylum and there are no courts with jurisdiction to try them. So, here’s a simple solution: start hanging them again.