A Day in the Life of Obama's Would-Be LGBT Advisor

Back in July, we nominated Chris "Leave Britney Alone" Crocker to head up a not-yet-created Department of LGBT Protections. Now, Change.org has a petition up asking the Obama administration to appoint a youth advisor to handle LGBT issues, citing the "bullying, physical abuse, isolation, and lack of support" that still plagues young queer kids across the country. The petition makes an impassioned argument "to give our youth a voice," but we're wondering: What would this advisor do, exactly? What does any White House liaison do on a daily basis?

In most cases, a youth advisor to the federal government fills her day with a mix of celebrity-fueled grand gestures and the "serious stuff"—staffing White House events and hooking up activists with policymakers. The administration has been solidifying its ties to Hollywood since the 2008 elections, and we're guessing the LGBT youth liaison appointment would be no exception.

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Here we imagine a day in the life of Obama's would-be advisor for all things young and proud.

9:00 a.m. Visit the set of Glee; photo op with Chris Colfer and Jake Shears of The Scissor Sisters, which is later posted on the White House Tumblr.

11:00 a.m. Meet with Tammy Aaberg, a Minnesota mom whose son took his own life in Michele Bachmann's district and who is organizing a petition to speak out against bullying.

12:00 p.m. Escort Aaberg to give testimony to public health officials on the district, which some are calling a "suicide contagion area."

Afternoon: Conference calls with...
2:30 p.m. PFLAG
2:50 p.m. GLAAD
3:20 p.m. Dan Savage, to get the details of the "It Gets Even Better" Very Special Episode of Savage's new MTV show, where he swoops in and rescues a gay kid who's getting slammed against his locker.

4:00 p.m. Host a tweet-up with glitterbomb mastermind Nick Espinosa about non-violent forms of protest.

5:30 p.m. Run a forum on transgender sexual health issues.

6:30 p.m. Attend a ribbon-cutting ceremony at the White House, which has nothing to do with gay people and everything to do with celebs. Give pounds to Scarlett Johansson and Chris Rock.

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Of course, this is just what we imagine this lucky liaison would do. To find out for sure, we're all gonna have to sign the petition.