Author’s note: Every piece of music linked here is almost miraculously unsafe for work.

The Notorious B.I.G. has meant a great deal to my life, so much that I wish I could open everything I write with that remark. His was the first music I ever felt like I needed to make a deep series of moral compromises in order to love, and for that I want to publicly thank him. I love Biggie’s “Unbelievable” like I love the Rolling Stones’ “Under My Thumb,” not because I agree with it, but rather because I don’t and I still want to listen to it, and thinking about why makes me to think about where great music happens: the crunchy sonority of a line like “those that rushes my clutches / get put on crutches/ get smoked like Dutches,” massaged through that magnificent voice; the nimble lilt of Keith Richards’ rhythm guitar as it richochets off that xylophone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about B.I.G. recently because I’ve been thinking about Lil’ Kim, and I’ve been thinking about Lil’ Kim because I’ve been thinking about Nicki Minaj, and still don’t know what to think about Nicki Minaj. She feels like a logjam of simulacra, and she’s hard to talk about because it often feels like we’ve already talked about her while talking about someone else. That isn’t not to say she’s unoriginal—in fact, that might be where her originality lies, a sort of postmodern human jukebox perpetually winking us towards the traditions from which she sprang.

Her one fit of undeniable greatness came when she absolutely murdered the final two-plus minutes of Kanye West’s “Monster.” When I first heard it, after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I instantly thought of Lil’ Kim, the predecessor Minaj seemed most obviously winking towards in that moment, right down to the pink wig, thick ass, give ‘em whiplash. It was the first time in a while that I’d thought about Lil’ Kim, and I wondered what happened to all that, and then a few weeks ago I watched the Super Bowl, and since then I’ve been wondering if maybe we should start talking more about Lil’ Kim.

Kim herself is hard to talk about: She’s one of those artists whom we tend to think of as having a “moment,” like the Sex Pistols, or Musical Youth, because they’re weird and unique but also because no one since has really tried to “be” them because, well, why would they. She wouldn’t have happened without Biggie, and by that I don’t just mean that she got her start as his Bonnie Parker-cum-Tammi Terrell in Junior M.A.F.I.A., or even the longstanding rumors that he wrote the lion’s share of her lyrics. B.I.G. changed hip-hop in a lot of ways, perhaps most influentially by exploding rapping about crime into an entire metaphorical landscape of power relations. No musician has ever been a more obsessed with power: wanting it, having it, losing it, keeping it, wielding it. Kim shared this obsession, but instead of crime her chosen metaphor was sex.

And oh my how. The first time I heard Lil’ Kim’s 1996 debut album Hard Core I was 17 years old, sitting in the kitchen of a friend whose parents were out of town. We listened to it the way middle-school kids consume pornography: surreptitiously, excitedly, guiltily. It was a weird, crazy music that existed in some universe where firearms and female orgasms were mutually dependent—if I’d been aware of the existence of a word like “transgressive” I might have used it. I wasn’t sure I liked it and wasn’t sure I was supposed to; I’m still not entirely sure I’m supposed to, and I certainly still can’t listen to “Not Tonight” without blushing.

Thanks to some Herculean feats of radio-friendly editing Hard Core produced a few hits, most notably “No Time” and “Big Momma Thang,” both of which became minor classics of their day. After B.I.G’s murder Kim sort of spiraled, taking four years to release a follow-up to Hard Core (a delay that didn’t help with the ghostwriting rumors). In 1998, Lauryn Hill released The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, heralded at the time as a glass-ceiling moment for feminism in rap. Lauryn was refined and politicized, aggressively disinterested in speculating on the intersections of mink coats, blowjobs and cocaine trafficking. When Kim came back in 2000 with The Notorious K.I.M., the album was already past its prime and just not very good; then a few years later came a perjury conviction and prison stint. Lil’ Kim’s moment, it appeared, was up.

But after gazing upon Nicki Minaj—or, hell, even M.I.A.—at the Super Bowl I’m not sure that it was, or even is. Is Lil’ Kim’s imprint on rap 16 years after Hard Core comparable to that of Lauryn’s 14 years after Miseducation, and is this a development we should greet neutrally? Was Hard Core—essentially a concept album about the metaphysical implications of receiving cunnilingus—a feminist statement? Does a bottomless appetite for rhyming the words “Amaretto,” “cheddar” and “Beretta” carry a critique of gender and sexual politics? I don’t ask these questions rhetorically.

Or maybe Kim was just a gimmick and Minaj is just another iteration, and Hard Core’s porn-rap wasn’t so much a critique of hip-hop misogyny as it was a limit extreme of that misogyny. And maybe a Super Bowl halftime show bearing the Queen Bee’s DNA speaks only to our culture’s ability to absorb evermore advanced forms of sexual degradation as it lurches towards some deadening porn-ocracy—a truly unexciting suggestion.

But it’s an unexciting suggestion summarily dismissed by “Queen Bitch,” the best track off of Hard Core that ranks with the very best music of its era, period. Here the power economies of sex and crime collide in perfect synthesis, and this strange artist who never entirely made sense suddenly makes all the sense in the world. It’s impossibly obscene, with Kim hurling creative epithets like “baby drinkers” (let that wash over you) amid lyrics like “bet I wet ya / like hurricanes and typhoons / got buffoons eatin’ my pussy / while I watch cartoons,” a bit of wordplay whose final turn revels in its own outlandishness. My favorite moment comes near the song’s end: “my shit’s straight like 9:15, y’nahmean?” It’s a line almost certainly written by Biggie—no one else had such command of esoteric allusion, or such arrogance that it was on you to know what the fuck he was talking about (hint: analog clock). But Kim absolutely owns it, and everything else around it.

If Lil’ Kim had a moment that moment had its moments and might still have its moments, and those moments make us see the forest through the trees and realize that there are a lot of ways for music to be great, and some of those ways are messy and complicated and richer for that complexity. It’s music we make compromises in order to love because we’d be foolish not to, and because doing so makes us more complete even as it makes us blush, and forever changes the way we watch cartoons.

Photo via (cc) Flickr user windyjonas

  • Man’s dog suddenly becomes protective of his wife, Internet clocks the reason right away
    Dogs have impressive observational powers.Photo credit: Canva

    Reddit user Girlfriendhatesmefor’s three-year-old pitbull, Otis, had recently become overprotective of his wife. So he asked the online community if they knew what might be wrong with the dog.

    “A week or two ago, my wife got some sort of stomach bug,” the Reddit user wrote under the subreddit /r/dogs. “She was really nauseous and ill for about a week. Otis is very in tune with her emotions (we once got in a fight and she was upset, I swear he was staring daggers at me lol) and during this time didn’t even want to leave her to go on walks. We thought it was adorable!”

    His wife soon felt better, butthe dog’s behavior didn’t change.

    pregnancy signs, dogs and pregnancy, pitbull behavior, pet intuition, dog overprotection, Reddit stories, viral Reddit, dog instincts, canine emotions, dog owner tips
    Otis knew before they did. Canva

    Girlfriendhatesmefor began to fear that Otis’ behavior may be an early sign of an aggression issue or an indication that the dog was hurt or sick.

    So he threw a question out to fellow Reddit users: “Has anyone else’s dog suddenly developed attachment/aggression issues? Any and all advice appreciated, even if it’s that we’re being paranoid!”

    The most popular response to his thread was by ZZBC.

    Any chance your wife is pregnant?

    ZZBC | Reddit

    The potential news hit Girlfriendhatesmefor like a ton of bricks. A few days later, Girlfriendhatesmefor posted an update and ZZBC was right!

    “The wifey is pregnant!” the father-to-be wrote. “Otis is still being overprotective but it all makes sense now! Thanks for all the advice and kind words! Sorry for the delayed reply, I didn’t check back until just now!”

    Redditors responded with similar experiences.

    Anecdotal I know but I swear my dog knew I was pregnant before I was. He was super clingy (more than normal) and was always resting his head on my belly.

    realityisworse | Reddit

    So why do dogs get overprotective when someone is pregnant?

    Jeff Werber, PhD, president and chief veterinarian of the Century Veterinary Group in Los Angeles, told Health.com that “dogs can also smell the hormonal changes going on in a woman’s body at that time.” He added the dog may “not understand that this new scent of your skin and breath is caused by a developing baby, but they will know that something is different with you—which might cause them to be more curious or attentive.”

    The big lesson here is to listen to your pets and to ask questions when their behavior abruptly changes. They may be trying to tell you something, and the news may be life-changing.

    This article originally appeared last year.

  • Throughout history, women have stood up and fought to break down barriers imposed on them from stereotypes and societal expectations. The trailblazers in these photos made history and redefined what a woman could be. In doing so, they paved the way for future generations to stand up and continue to fight for equality.

  • ,

    Why mass shootings spawn conspiracy theories

    Mass shootings and conspiracy theories have a long history.

    While conspiracy theories are not limited to any topic, there is one type of event that seems particularly likely to spark them: mass shootings, typically defined as attacks in which a shooter kills at least four other people.

    When one person kills many others in a single incident, particularly when it seems random, people naturally seek out answers for why the tragedy happened. After all, if a mass shooting is random, anyone can be a target.

    Pointing to some nefarious plan by a powerful group – such as the government – can be more comforting than the idea that the attack was the result of a disturbed or mentally ill individual who obtained a firearm legally.


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