Elizabeth Benassi was 18 years old, three months into her first professional job, and trying hard not to stand out. She had even quietly asked her manager not to mention her age to coworkers, worried they’d write her off as the kid of the group.
The manager told them anyway, at a bowling alley team-building night.
That detail didn’t make it into the headline-grabbing part of Benassi’s story, but it sets the scene for everything that followed. Benassi had joined Maximus UK Services in August 2022, a firm that works with the UK’s Department for Work and Pensions to help people back into employment. Her colleagues were mostly in their early twenties. She was the youngest by a noticeable margin, and she felt it.
Employees working in open office. Photo credit: Canva
Then came the trainers incident. One morning, Benassi wore athletic shoes to the office, unaware the company had a dress code against them. Her manager, Ishrat Ashraf, called her out on it immediately. Benassi apologized. But as she looked around the room, she noticed something: other colleagues were wearing the same style of shoes. No one had said a word to them.
She sent Ashraf a measured email. “This morning you mentioned that I am not allowed to wear trainers to work,” she wrote, as reported by The Metro. “Despite not being aware of this, as I have never worn trainers to work before, I apologized for this, and you rolled your eyes. I have now realized that I am not the only one wearing trainers today, and I have not seen anyone receive the same chat that I have.”
The email made things worse. Ashraf escalated it to the operations manager, who emailed Benassi to say her footwear was “totally unacceptable.” A month later, she was called into a probationary review meeting and dismissed. The company cited her performance, conduct, attendance, timekeeping, and the dress code violation. Benassi pushed back, filing a legal case for victimisation and age-related harassment.
The case was heard at an employment tribunal in Croydon, south London. The tribunal dismissed the age harassment claim, but it upheld the victimisation finding, and the picture it painted of Benassi’s time at the company was pointed. Employment Judge Forwell noted that no allowance had been made for the fact that she was new and might not have known about the dress code, and concluded the treatment showed “a desire to find fault” with her from the start. As HR Magazine reported, the judge observed that Benassi was “literally being scrutinised from the moment of her arrival.”
The company’s explanation for why other employees weren’t pulled up over their trainers, that one colleague had a sore foot, was also rejected. The judge noted that if that were true, Ashraf would have mentioned it at the time.
Benassi was awarded £29,187 in compensation (around $37,800 in US dollars). In her testimony, she described what she had been trying to avoid all along. “I didn’t want to be treated differently, or as I had put it, ‘as the baby of the group,’” she told the tribunal. The ruling suggests that’s exactly how she was treated anyway.
This article originally appeared earlier this year.
Sometimes the biggest moments in our lives might slip by unnoticed. That’s exactly what was happening to Airman Joel Usher. At his United States Air Force graduation ceremony, he stood alone, already knowing that no family members were coming to celebrate the occasion.
Many people know what it feels like to hit a major milestone and wish someone were there. Usher was visibly emotional as fellow graduates reunited with cheering family members. Suddenly, a friend he made during training stepped forward. Phone in hand, recording the moment, he walked up to “tap him out.”
1 year ago today. it’s been a journey man still can’t believe i’ve made it this far but is only the beginning more blessing to come💫#fypシ#militarytapout#explorepage
Caught completely off guard, a teary-eyed Usher smiles, turning what could have been a lonely memory into one defined by friendship. He posted the video on TikTok with a title overlay reading, “i had no one at my graduation to tap me out but that one good friend i met during training found me and come through for me…”
At military graduations, there’s a tradition known as “tapping out.” Family members or close supporters step forward at the end of the ceremony to officially greet and escort the graduates away. According to the AF WingMoms, it can be an emotional experience, but the Air Force views its military purpose as a productive way to maintain orderly disbursement.
In an exclusive interview with People, Usher described how important that kind act was, leaving him holding back tears:
“When my friend tapped me out, I was overwhelmed in the best way possible. It wasn’t just about finishing, it was about having someone there who truly had my back in that moment.”
Usher went on to explain that the achievement was important, but the friendship and support shown to him are what he remembers most. After sharing the moment online, he was surprised by all the feedback. He believes the overwhelming response was a strong reminder of the beauty behind meaningful acts of kindness.
Best friends take a group selfie. Photo credit: Canva
TikTok post resonates
After 4.6 million views, people flooded the comments with emotional reactions. For some, the small gesture perfectly captured the kind of bond people form while going through difficult experiences together. This wasn’t a performative moment—just someone refusing to let another person experience an important occasion alone.
For others, it was heartbreaking. Often, soldiers don’t have family members who are able to make the trip, or they find themselves on a solitary journey. Either way, the idea that people can accomplish something amazing and still be left to stand alone afterward can be difficult to swallow.
Here are some of the comments:
“i’m glad you made a good friend along the way who came looking for ya. those are the meaningful connections you make while in the military”
“now this just broke my heart”
“Those teary eyes”
“This just breaks my heart! Everyone should have someone tap them out. So much respect for the military”
“The pain in bros eyes. Went to my soul. Brother we are here for u! Ty for serving”
“sometimes thats all we need! Just one good friend”
“I’m so sorry no one from your bloodline was there for you in that moment but you have all of TikTok cheering you on and we are so proud of your accomplishments”
“Ex military that tap means more than you think.”
“i really wish they had a volunteer program for something like this… let other mamas and dads come and be there for these young men and women.. we never know how bad they just need SOMEONE to be there for them”
“Been there my man. But you’re going to be an amazing soldier. Use that to be the best you can be”
The mix of responses shows why meaningful moments shouldn’t be faced alone. Friendship and community are defined by simple choices: stepping in, showing up, and refusing to let a proud day also become someone’s loneliest. These small acts turn milestone accomplishments into memories carried forward with a tearful, joyful smile.
A teenager scrolls through their phone at the dinner table, barely looks up and answers questions with one-word replies. For many adults, that image has come to stand for a larger fear: that today’s young people are disconnected from others and may be uninterested in the world around them. Concerns about declining civic participation often deepen that worry.
As researchers whostudy adolescent development, we believe this picture is incomplete. Adults help shape the environments in which young people learn to contribute, or learn not to. In worrying that young people are disengaged from participating in civic society, adults may overlook both their own role in fostering engagement and the many ways young people are already contributing.
Youth civic and community engagement matters because it helps build skills, relationships and habits of participation that carry into adulthood. How do teens actually express their care for the world around them, and what helps them to do so?
What does engagement really look like?
When adults talk about “engaged” teens, they often picture a narrow set of activities: volunteering, joining clubs, leading student government, maybe attending a rally or organizing a fundraiser. Those forms of contribution to society matter. But they are not the whole story.
In two recent studies, we surveyed 723 American adolescents, with an average age of 15, to understand what predicts whether teens will contribute to society and what their contribution looks like.
In the first study, we identified four distinct patterns: Some teens were generally less engaged; this group represented 21% of our sample. Another 19% we called “Digital Advocates,” highly active online but less involved in face-to-face settings. A third group, 33% of our sample, we termed “Local Helpers,” more engaged in interpersonal and community-based helping. “Contributors” were our fourth profile type, making up 26% of our sample; they reported high engagement across all domains.
How do teens contribute to civic activities?
In a survey of 723 American adolescents, researchers noticed four distinct patterns of contribution. They divided the respondents into four profiles: those who were less engaged overall, those who engaged mostly online, those who focused on interpersonal helping, and those who were involved in multiple ways.
Our finding pushes back against a common adult assumption that “real” engagement has to look a certain way. It doesn’t. A teen sharing information online about where local families can access food assistance and a teen quietly checking in on a struggling friend are both contributing – just differently. Digital participation is not automatically shallow; for many young people, online spaces are where they learn about issues, form opinions and connect with others who share their concerns.
Crucially, these profiles were shaped less by demographics – age, gender or race and ethnicity – and more by whether our teen respondents had the personal and contextual supports that helped them act on what they cared about.
We were especially interested to see that purpose mattered not only when it was self-focused – wanting to succeed, build a career and so on – but also when it extended beyond the self, such as wanting to help others or contribute to something larger than one’s own interests.
That may sound obvious, but it has real implications. Adults often tell teens to “get involved” without helping them connect that involvement to a meaningful why. Our findings suggest young people are more likely to contribute when they feel hopeful about the future and when they see their lives as connected to others.
To help young people make a difference, first broaden your definition of contribution. The teenager organizing a school drive, the one helping a neighbor and the one making informative videos about a community issue are all contributing in real ways. Notice these efforts and support them in their chosen contribution.
You can also support adolescents in building the traits that make it easier for them to get involved and make a difference:
Help young people develop a sense of purpose that goes beyond themselves. Ask questions like: What do you care about? What kind of difference do you want to make? Purpose-driven engagement tends to be more durable than participation that’s driven by obligation.
Nurture hope. Young people are less likely to act when they feel that nothing will change. Adults can support hope by helping teens see realistic pathways for success and giving them opportunities to speak up or solve real problems in their schools and communities.
Make space for critical consciousness. After-school programs, classrooms and youth groups can create environments where conversations about social issues are taken seriously and connected to real action. Young people need chances to talk about the world they see – and the world they want.
Teens often make a difference in ways that reflect both what they care about and how they are beginning to understand the world around them. Contributing is about more than just involvement in civic institutions; it can also look like helping a neighbor, speaking up for others or creating social media content that raises awareness about an issue. Instead of expecting teens to be checked out, caring adults can help them develop the skills and resources to contribute in any and all of these meaningful ways.
I have been a dog lover ever since I was a kid and have spent years learning about the temperaments and histories of different dog breeds, as well as famous dogs and their adventures. I have attended a variety of dog shows to meet various breeds and talk with their owners, and I’ve also lived with several dogs – including a dachshund, otterhound, German shepherd, Indian spitz and Labrador retriever – over the course of my life.
Beyond my canine concerns, I’m a professor of management who loves teaching courses and conducting research on leadership. So, it was a no-brainer for me to combine my two interests to write a book, “Learning Leadership from Dogs.” Various dog breeds embody distinct traits and behaviors that we humans can emulate to become better leaders.
Here are five qualities dogs model that any leader, at work or in life, can learn from.
The author’s own otterhound Fiona was always up for a good time. Aditya Simha
Joie de vivre
Happy-go-lucky hounds have an abundance of joie de vivre, a French phrase that refers to a cheerful and exuberant enjoyment of life. My own otterhound, Fiona, amply embodied this trait. A simple walk in the woods or hike on the beach was all she ever wanted.
This kind of optimism and cheerfulness can make leaders more empathetic and pleasant to work with, partly because psychology research finds that positive moods increase helping, generosity and interpersonal understanding. Those are key ingredients of empathy.
While there are many dog breeds that embody courage, I want to single out the Dutch shepherd. Smaller than the German shepherd and the Belgian Malinois, the Dutch shepherd is used in police and military work because of its athleticism, trainability and strong work ethic. Just like how Dutch shepherds run toward danger to protect others, courageous leaders take risks for their values and to support their team.
Intelligence
Leaders must not only know about their domain, they also need to be able to understand which of their followers needs to be treated or led differently. Both emotional and cognitive intelligence are essential for effective leadership and have positive consequences for their followers’ attitudes and performance.
I point to the border collie as a dog that exemplifies both forms of intelligence. The border collie not only knows how to herd sheep, but also which sheep to herd with patience and which sheep need a bit more sharpness.
This intelligence is something that needs to be guided and channeled. Border collies left without enough work or stimulation are famous for finding their own “jobs,” such as herding the human children, chasing shadows or inventing new mischief around the house.
Without proper direction, even brilliance can become counterproductive – another lesson leaders can keep in mind when managing their own flocks.
Kindness
Kindness is one quality that is sadly not given the amount of attention it merits in the world of management, even though it can shape whether followers feel respected, trusted and willing to contribute.
Displaying kindness is a canine specialty. The dog breed that comes to mind for me here is the Newfoundland. First bred in Canada and known as a fine water rescue dog, these gentle giants are supremely kind to everyone and display a benevolent, protective nature.
Leaders similarly need to be kind to their followers, even if a team member has failed at a task. A kind response does not mean ignoring mistakes; it means correcting them in a way that preserves dignity, making followers more likely to learn, speak up and try again. Together those patterns facilitate work environments that promote what researchers call psychological safety: a shared belief that people can ask questions, admit mistakes and raise concerns without fear of embarrassment, rejection or punishment.
Resilience
Resilience is not just toughness; it is the ability to recover from setbacks, adapt under pressure and keep moving forward when things don’t go as planned. Leaders rely on it during crises, failed projects, public criticism or periods of organizational change, all moments when uncertainty is high and confidence can falter.
Any leader can look to the Rhodesian ridgeback as a resilience role model. This breed hails from South Africa and was originally used to assist in lion hunting – an activity fraught with peril and with high prospects of failure. Rhodesian ridgebacks are dauntless dogs, always ready to try another dangerous hunt even in the wake of repeated failures.
Like these dogs, leaders often must confront perilous tasks with a high likelihood of failure, and they must be ready to bounce forward so they can eventually seize success. Without resilience, leaders may panic, withdraw or become overly reactive, especially during a crisis. When that happens, uncertainty spreads, confidence erodes and teams are less likely to stay focused or move forward effectively.
Dogs are the most popular choice of pet in the United States and worldwide. You probably don’t need to look far to find some furry friends who can inspire you with their admirable characteristics. Dogs may never author a leadership book, but they live out leadership lessons in courage, kindness and joy every day.
