Mixed couples are more common nowadays than ever before. But acceptance still doesn’t come easily, especially from the older members of the family. In a YouTube video, this woman shared the progression of her Chinese grandma coming to terms with her boyfriend and finally accepting him. The brief clip is truly swoon-worthy. Claire and Peter are a mixed couple who upload travel vlogs. Recently, they posted a video where the woman introduces her boyfriend to her Chinese Grandma who isn’t exactly pleased with her choice of a boyfriend. But that gradually changes. The couple then uploaded that cute video on their channel and the amount of acceptance the grandmother shows is inspirational.
Image Source: YouTube | Claire and Peter
Through the video, one can see that the grandmother is super disappointed for an entire week. By the third week, she gets quite friendly and accepting towards her boyfriend. Eventually, when they are leaving the grandmother keeps coming along and waving at her boyfriend and that is a different level of wholesome. For a mixed couple, getting accepted by each other’s family means a lot as adjusting to a different culture and way of life can already be overwhelming. Disapproving families can greatly add to that burden. At such times, patience and initiative work wonders, the couple bears testimony to it. In another video, the woman is asking her grandfather if he approves of her boyfriend. The grandpa has a totally different take on things from the grandma. Claire asks her grandpa if he likes her boyfriend, and he says that he likes him very much and that he is very good.
Image Source: YouTube | Claire and Peter
She asks him if he would have liked him more if he was Chinese. Grandpa says, “The same.” He added, “I wouldn’t like him if he smoked.” He explains that he doesn’t like smokers. He happily says that her boyfriend likes eating Chinese food and listens to her and that was a very good thing. She also asks him if he has any trouble with her boyfriend being on YouTube. To which the grandpa replies that it was okay. He hilariously adds that if he listens to you everything is okay. He wisely adds that if she meets someone who doesn’t listen then the couple would have fights more often. He also says that as she has found someone who does as she says it will be good and that she has made a very smart choice.
A YouTube user @LadeliciaDelinda commented on her grandma’s video, “Your grandma has the sweetest smiles. You can tell she had plenty of love from the beginning but maybe was just holding it in! I wish my grandma was alive to have met my Salvadorian boyfriend. I also wished my tio was alive too. I’m Chinese but have family from Mexico so my Chinese mom was surprisingly very receptive to my boyfriend. Love seeing interracial couples on YouTube connect cross-culturally with family.” Another user @micheledimond commented, “Aw, sweet Grandma! Just making sure he’s genuine. I had my daughter’s BF go on a light hike on Puget Sound just to see what I thought of him, and interact with him alone. They just had their first anniversary. He got a ‘thumbs up’ from our interactions and I have seen how he cares for my girl… I think he might be a keeper.” It was quite endearing to see both grandparents have a different but equally heartwarming reaction to the couple’s relationship.
Maintaining a deep sense of connection and trust in a long term relationship is often easier said than done. Even for couples who have been together for years, the daily grind can sometimes dull the spark of romance. However, Dr. Cortney Warren, a psychologist trained at Harvard Medical School, has identified a specific set of verbal habits that distinguish highly successful, trusting couples from those who struggle.
Dr. Warren recently shared seven phrases that secure partners use every day to reinforce their commitment. These small shifts in language are designed to foster vulnerability, safety, and a sense of shared purpose.
The first few phrases focus on the core of any partnership: the belief that your partner is on your side.
Feeling that twinge of jealousy or insecurity in your relationship? It happens to all of us, but how you respond can make all the difference. Instead of immediately reacting, try this: pause and ask yourself: What does my reaction to this situation say about me? Is it about fear of being unloved? A belief that you’re “not enough”? Often, our strongest emotional reactions are more about our own insecurities than about our partner’s actions. Taking the time to reflect on your triggers, where they come from, and how you can strengthen your self-esteem can help you communicate with your partner in a healthier, more productive way. This clip is from my recent conversation with Shanenn Bryant on the Top Self Podcast. #SelfAwareness#EmotionalIntelligence#HealthyRelationships#JealousyTriggers#TopSelfPodcast#RelationshipAdvice
Simple, to the point, and clear. This communicates that you know your partner and that you believe they have your best interest in heart, even if you get into an argument. It also allows them to feel safe making some decisions on both of your behalf.
2. “You see me as I am.”
This not only tells your partner that they know all there is to know about you without fear of hiding parts of yourself, but that you’re comfortable being vulnerable should a difficult subject come up. It communicates that you trust your partner will respond with compassion, not judgment, while implying that they can trust you to do the same in return.
A couple on a romantic date. Credit: Canva
3. “We’ll get through this.”
Arguments, fights, and conflicts happen in even the most solid relationships. However, saying this phrase reinforces that while things still need to be sorted out, there is no intention of breaking the relationship over the disagreement. It allows more open communication and reiterates that it is you and your partner against the problem, not each other.
4. “Go have fun with your friends/Thanks for giving me space!”
If your relationship is solid, time apart shouldn’t be a threat. Alone time is natural and, frankly, healthy. Respecting your partner’s independence in turn respects yours.
Dr. Cortney Warren, relationship advice, Harvard psychologist, building trust, healthy communication, romance tips, non-verbal cues, marriage success, intimacy, partnership. Credit: Youtube
5. “I miss you.”
As a counterbalance to the previous phrase, “I miss you” isn’t an indicator of being too clingy unless you’re not offering your partner the trust to have space. It’s just a nice way of saying that you look forward to being together and builds upon that when you reunite, whether it’s after a long business trip or later in the evening after work.
A growing relationship means mutually planning and investing in each other’s futures to further turn “your plans” and “my plans” into “our plans.” This phrase relays to your partner that you want them around for the long haul.
7. “Can we talk?”
Communication issues are one of the primary reasons relationships fail. Asking this simple and direct question accompanied with the previous phrases as foundations in your relationship will allow trust for you to ask and be asked when something troubling occurs with either of you.
While verbal communication is important in sustaining relationships, it’s good to incorporate non-verbal gestures of support, love, and trust, too.
Now, pairing these loving wordless gestures that experts, counselors, and psychologists recommend with the previous seven phrases could help your relationship develop deeper connection and trust.
1. Eye contact
Seeing eye-to-eye literally helps you both see eye-to-eye better when discussing a difficult topic or when you want to express loving attention to your partner.
2. Smile
Smiling is a nonverbal cue to reiterate that your partner’s presence is welcomed and safe. It also reminds your partner that you’re both okay, too.
3. Supportive touch
Caressing a shoulder, a peck on the forehead, holding hands, or a tight hug—any of these and all of these are ways to provide comfort and reassurance along with your words. It could also be a way to indicate your interest in further intimacy.
4. Mirroring
Matching your partner’s posture and pose helps foster connection while also indicating you’re absorbing what they’re verbally communicating to you. So, when you adjust your posture to meet theirs when they’re discussing something important to them, they’ll know you think it’s important, too. On the other end, if you match their relaxed pose, they’ll in turn feel more relaxed, too.
5. Enjoy quiet time together
Being able to enjoy the silence in the same room bolsters feelings of safety and comfort. It shows that you and your partner don’t feel panicked or stressed about the other feeling bored, awkward, and you don’t cary the pressure of needing to be entertained/entertaining. Shared silence is precious in a relationship.
6. Handwritten notes
Okay, this might be a cheat technically, but written notes and letters can be left for your partner to find when they wake up after you have left for work early, on the kitchen table, or on a bathroom mirror as ways to express those previous seven phrases. For some people, written communication is much easier for them than speaking, too, so there’s that factor to consider.
This is a bit of a grab bag as what acts of service are depends on who you are in the relationship with. It could be making them coffee each morning the way they like it so they don’t have to. It could be doing a chore they hate doing. It could be cooking them their favorite food after finding out that they had a long day. These acts remind your partner that they’re known and safe with you.
While there are general guidelines, a healthy diet can still look different from person to person. Some people eat meat, stick to a vegetarian diet, or go fully vegan for a variety of reasons. With that in mind, a recent study suggests something that may seem surprising at first. The study indicates that eating meat could increase your chances of reaching 100 years old.
Starting in 1998, research from the Chinese Longitudinal Healthy Longevity Survey followed the diets of more than 5,200 adults aged 80 and above who were free of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer. The group included omnivores, pesco-vegetarians, ovo-lacto vegetarians, and strict vegans. In 2018, twenty years after the research began, results showed that among the 1,459 centenarians, a higher percentage were omnivores compared to the other groups.
? Study Finds Meat Eaters Are More Likely To Live To 100.
What if everything you thought you knew about healthy eating was about to be turned upside down?
A new study has revealed a surprising link: older adults who eat meat and other animal foods are more likely to live to… pic.twitter.com/tfcAorzkw1
One might think this would debunk the idea that plant-based or vegan diets are healthy, but that’s not necessarily the case. Vegetarian and vegan diets have been shown to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, hypertension, dementia, and cancer, among other ailments. However, the results of the research could be due to our bodies’ needs in later years.
As our bodies age, it becomes harder to maintain muscle mass and bone density. On top of that, our appetites tend to decline. Animal-based foods like meat are natural sources of protein and calcium that can help prevent declines in muscle strength and bone density, as well as malnutrition in adults who eat less. So while a plant-based diet might be more beneficial to younger people, a more omnivorous diet could be better for great-grandpa.
“Older adults may face distinct nutritional challenges,” said researcher Kaiyue Wang of Fudan University in Shanghai. “Our study suggests that dietary recommendations for the oldest-old should emphasise balance and nutritional adequacy, rather than strict avoidance of animal foods, especially for underweight older adults.”
However, this doesn’t mean that you should call grandma to make sure she’s eating bacon cheeseburgers. The National Institute on Aging recommends that older adults eat seafood, low-fat dairy products, beans, lentils, peas, and fortified soy products to get their protein fix. It cannot be stressed enough that while eating meat, per this study, appears to be beneficial to older people, that doesn’t mean they should switch to an all-meat diet.
As with diets in general at any age, lean, unprocessed meat is preferred, with an emphasis on fish and poultry, as well as how they are prepared. Frying meat tends to add excessive fat, while certain sauces paired with meat dishes can add fat, sugar, sodium, and unnecessary calories.
As mentioned previously, a healthy diet looks different from person to person depending on their age, needs, and health challenges. It’s best to consult with your personal physician to establish the best diet for you, or if you want to make any changes to your current one. They can also refer you to a licensed dietitian who can help, whether you prefer turkey, tofurkey, both, or neither.
David Cargo, a Dungeons & Dragons player, dressed as one of his characters named Thorn Woodson, browses through board games at Portland Comic Expo on Oct. 27, 2019, in Portland, Ore. – Photo credit: Ariana van den Akker/Portland Press Herald via Getty Images
What do collecting old editions of Dungeons & Dragons monster manuals, securing the same tailgate spot for over 20 years and mastering yoga postures have in common? They are all forms of “serious leisure.”
These pursuits are different from casual hobbies in several ways. They require participation over longer periods, which makes people who practice them more skilled and more connected with the activity over time. The driving force for casual leisure is having fun; when a participant becomes more focused on accomplishment and improving their skills, the pursuit can gradually become more serious.
I also work in recreational therapy, which helps people recover and return to their pursuits after injury or illness. The approach we use can work as well for someone starting out with a new hobby.
The idea of serious leisure was coined in 1982 by sociologist Robert Stebbins, who described the unique characteristics of more structured leisure pursuits. The more we understand about why people do the things they do, the more they can benefit from their pursuits. Even fringe or supposedly nerdy activities like D&D offer insight into the connections people form when they delve into a nonwork activity.
Why so serious?
People often associate leisure with ease and freedom. In contrast, serious leisure involves pursuing something for a long time and gradually developing the skills and knowledge required to excel at it. People have to push through barriers or setbacks to stay engaged and make progress.
Over time, participants come to identify with the activity and to feel included in a subculture that has its own norms and values. In my work, that sometimes means developing elaborate characters who can battle beasts, dragons and giants.
Dungeons & Dragons, which was developed in 1974, is a long-form game that takes place in multiple sessions that can last weeks, months or years. A Dungeon Master moderates the game and assumes the role of all monsters and non-player characters.
The Dungeon Master narrates an adventure, aided by a Dungeon Master’s Guide and Monster Manual. Players create characters that possess certain traits and qualities. The outcomes of battles, decisions and interactions are determined by dice rolls.
My study included convening focus groups with regular D&D players to determine whether their experiences playing the game represented serious leisure, as opposed to casual leisure associated with traditional board games.
Players described developing their characters for years and acquiring knowledge and skills. They learned how magical items and weapons worked, made calculations and researched their character sheets. All of these practices are attributes of a uniquely D&D subculture.
Participants also described the benefits they received from playing the game. For many of them, D&D offered a sense of community. It also was a safe space and a welcoming activity for those who might feel excluded by traditional leisure pursuits, such as sports and competitive games.
From yoga to tailgating
Prior studies have identified many other activities that can qualify as serious leisure, depending on the level of engagement. Some are in-person physical activities like yoga, sport clubs and rock climbing. Others include online pursuits like multiplayer online games and a virtual Harry Potter running club where members share running stories and experiences keyed to Harry Potter-themed discussion topics, such as logging miles in virtual races for their specific Hogwarts houses. Studies have explored game-based pursuits like tournament bridge, and even the social art of tailgating among serious football fans.
In each case, researchers found that participants experienced hallmarks of serious leisure. For example, participants in multiplayer online games describe prolonged immersion in the activity. Yoga students pursued systematic training and skill development. And maniacally devoted Florida Gators fans scheduled family events around football season.
In all cases, participants became increasingly involved over time, acquired knowledge and skills, and often forged shared identities and social connections.
Are you serious?
How do you know if your favorite leisure pursuit has gotten serious? One indication could be spending a lot of time on it and expanding your related knowledge or skills. You may also personally identify with the activity and its associated norms or subculture. Perhaps you’re increasingly spending time with other participants, and even using shared lingo.
Ideally, your serious leisure pursuit will give you pride and a sense of accomplishment. Belonging to a shared subculture can make it easier to express yourself, which promotes social interaction and a feeling of belonging.
Leisure pursuits are a way to develop shared interests and social contacts. For example, dedicated bridge players describe a social world unique to champion-level players that involves hierarchies and relationships spanning decades. Serious participants in multiplayer online games describe feeling like part of a team and working together to share materials, skills and knowledge to help win challenges and battles. And serious football fans describe rites of passage associated with fandom, such as a solo performance of the team fight song on the tailgate of a truck.
Serious leisure doesn’t happen instantly, and not every practice needs to reach this level of commitment. Casual leisure has benefits too, so there is value in just getting started. But when a beginner gets obsessed with a new pursuit, it may start to take on the qualities of serious leisure over time.
Starting a new hobby can be nerve-racking, especially when it takes place outside of our familiar home environments. Start small, go easy and match the level of challenge with your skill. You just may find yourself getting serious about it.
