Why Vote? Reasons 1-176

1. An “I Voted” sticker is the unequivocal best accessory of all time. 2. Arugula prices at Whole Foods aren’t going to lower themselves.3. The days of a single global superpower are gone, so we need to start making some room at the table-and who we elect to host the dinner party is going to have a big say in how the next 50 years unfold.4. Toby Keith-composer of songs with lines like “We’ll put a boot in your ass, it’s the American way”-endorsed Obama. You never know how these things can go.5. In a true November surprise, your patriotism will be rewarded with a voucher to download Toby Keith’s “Shock’n Y’All” on Rock Band 2. Jingoistic air guitar is wicked awesome.6. Reduce Your Blood Pressure by Paula Scher

7. John Brown gave his life and those of three sons to save the Union, and you’re being asked to give half an hour.8. We don’t need another Pillsbury, North Dakota, where not a single person voted in the mayoral race in June. Because while it makes a funny weird news story, that would be a pretty bad look for an entire country.9. Universal health care means more beautiful people.10. You’re part of that much-maligned generation whose political apathy is well-documented and tirelessly trotted out in the media. Let’s not give the media another easy story.11. Jesus didn’t get a vote. Neither did Emily Dickinson, Harriet Tubman, or Leonardo Da Vinci. Eleanor Roosevelt couldn’t even vote until she was 36 years old. So that’s one thing you’ve got on all of them.12. Election Day is like Super Bowl Sunday, except you always get to play, and score.13. Yakov Smirnoff came to this country for the very right you’re throwing away. And if you don’t vote, it’s tantamount to saying, “Hey, Yakov, stop writing your humor column for AARP Magazine, get in your time machine, and go back to Soviet Russia.” And trust us, Yakov won’t like that. Because here, you cast ballot. In Soviet Russia, ballot cast you!14. Tuesday, November 4, will be perfect for it: mostly clear, with unseasonably high temperatures thanks to a high-pressure system that has settled over the region. Which region? All of them.15. “We will all be better citizens when voting records of our congressmen are followed as carefully as scores of pro-football games.” -Lou Erickson16. Nader supporters will.17. President Bush is trying to take independent review out of the Endangered Species Act-a move that would essentially sink the legislation on one of the few categorical successes of the environmental movement. Supporting that is like saying you hate polar bears.18. At some point you will probably need Social Security.

19. In 2009, the president and Congress will ride tandem on a new version of the federal transportation bill. If you ride a bike (or would, if there were a damn bike lane where you needed to go), this could mean a serious expansion of your ability to get around. As it stands, Obama has pledged to increase bike funding if elected president. McCain, meanwhile, hasn’t rolled out any commitments on the issue.

20. Corporations like Blackwater and KBR are still getting multibillion-dollar contracts to carry out work that should be entrusted to publicly held institutions.

23-77. The so-called largest political party in America-every eligible voter who doesn’t vote-has lost every presidential election since 1789. That’s 55 in a row.78. If you don’t, crotchety old war hawks can become president.

83. It’s a better excuse for being late to work than “I’m super hungover” or “I got really caught up in this episode of Regis and Kelly.”84. You get to stand in the booth, close the curtains, pull the lever, and pretend Madonna is going to dance for you.85. You’re going to have an Election Night party, and it’s going to seriously undercut your credibility as host if you say you were too busy making humanely raised, antibiotic-free chicken wings and organic guacamole to get to your polling station.

86-90. Five of the nine sitting justices on the Supreme Court are edging toward retirement age, which means five potential vacancies within the next four to eight years.

91. As Emma Goldman said, “If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.” And they did, in the Soviet Union, Cuba, North Korea, China, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, Burma, and elsewhere.92. “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”-Kanye West93. Margins of victory in swing states like Ohio and Florida have been as low as half a percent in the past two presidential elections.94. While your vote is secret, the fact that you did (or did not) is a matter of public record. So if you ever find yourself requesting help from any of your elected representatives, this is the first thing they’ll be checking when you need them.

96. It’s so easy, even old people can do it. And they do. In 2004, only 47 percent of people age 18 to 29 voted; 73 percent of people age 65 to 74 did. Are they voting for the person you want to win?97. We had this revolution in which our forebears declared that taxation without representation was tyranny, and kind of insisted that we, as a nation, be allowed to vote on issues that affected us. Yes, it was also about trade and stamps and being allowed to bear arms. But it was a lot about voting, too.98. It’ll prove Robert Putnam wrong: Maybe you bowl alone, but you can still be civic-minded.99. At this rate, when your children are adults, the United States will owe China more money than actually exists on the planet.100. Hiu Lui Ng, a 34-year-old married immigrant with two American children, was denied medical supervision and died of cancer in custody of Immigration and Customs Enforcement this August. Despite earlier stabs at reform, McCain now says he would no longer support his own 2006 bill that would have offered a path to citizenship for people already living in the country.101. 20 percent of NYU students polled recently said they’d give up their right to vote in 2008 for an iPod Touch. A fucking iPod Touch.

103. “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” -George Jean Nathan104. The old people manning the polls are always super nice.105. You can become famous by accidentally voting for Pat Buchanan.106. When the guy you didn’t vote for but thought was all right loses, you’ll need someone to blame, and it would suck if that person was you.107. You want to avoid giving Robin Williams and Kevin Costner the material to make more unbearably weak political satires.108. Unless you are a white landowning male Protestant, there was a time in our history when you would have been thrown out of the polling facility without a second thought.109. Your buddies are gonna be all, “Hey, what’d you think about the referendum?” And if you don’t vote,you won’t know what they’re talking about, so you’ll be all, “Oh, I, uh… liked it?” And then they’ll inch away with disgusted looks on their faces because you apparently support testing nonlethal weapons on animals.110. Like it or not, there are a lot of people who will do whatever Sean Hannity tells them to.111. Like it or not, there are a lot of people who will do whatever Keith Olbermann tells them to.112. Great Britain is still looking for evidence that our little experiment didn’t work out. Don’t help them along.113. Le esperanza es lo último que se pierde.114-173. They killed Socrates, 280 to 220.174. If you live in a swing state, your vote will count a lot more than everyone else’s (if it gets counted).175. In Australia, voting is mandatory.176. There are 6.46 billion human beings who aren’t eligible to vote in this election, but who will have to live with the results.