Start Your Own Political Party: A Checklist For Success
How can you choose just one political party that represents everything you stand for? You can’t. You’re a snowflake.
An exclusive from GOOD Magazine's Exploration Issue.
How can you choose just one political party that represents everything you stand for? You can’t. You’re a snowflake. You're for gay marriage, but you're also allergic to gluten. You’re against immigration reform, but you’re also a die-hard Mumford & Sons fan. One party can't possibly encapsulate all of those stances. So instead of joining a party....
Have the party join you.
1. Come up with a catchy name. Saddam Hussein was really smart to join the Ba’ath Party; I mean, who doesn’t want go to a bath party? I went to a kickass bath party in '95 and ended up in jail with a nasty rash ... and it was worth it. Come up with a name that is simultaneously catchy and vague, such as "The Vagosaurus Party” or "The Mystery Party brought to you by J.J. Abrams."
2. Get signatures. This one’s easy. If at first you don't succeed, forge, forge again.
3. Find a symbol. This can be anything that encapsulates your party’s values. If you’re starting “The De-gentrification Party” in Brooklyn, your symbol could be a pair of thick-framed glasses watching an episode of Girls and telling an asymmetrical haircut, “That’s so us.”
4. Figure out why you got all those signatures. Everything I read on the internet said you need signatures to form a party, but I'm really not sure whose signatures you need or exactly why you need them, so you’re gonna have to figure that out at some point.
5. Establish your messaging. This is the LEAST important step; it really doesn’t matter what you stand for. As long as you have a sweet name and a dope mascot, donors will open their pocketbooks.
6. Open donor’s pocketbooks. You're going to need money for your beautifully appointed new office. From an Eames chair to plenty of staple removers, your new digs should be stylish and practical. It’s your party, and you can rock a Noguchi coffee table if you want to.
Congratulations! You've started your own political party.
Next up: Starting your own religion.
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