“Male feminist” is a fraught term. There are those who find it oxymoronic, those who think it’s patronizing, and others who find it unnecessary (there’s even a satirical magazine about it). But as recent campaigns—including the UN’s HeForShe and the White House’s It’s On Us campaign—have highlighted, the struggle for gender equality is everyone’s problem.

It’s difficult to be a feminist, and male feminist allies have the added burden of being men. No one goes to bed a misogynist and wakes up a feminist—feminism is not an end goal, but a process. It’s a process that requires men not only to listen to the experiences of women but also to leverage their privilege in support of the feminist cause. It’s not a slouch’s journey, which means that even the best of men have to constantly struggle to achieve better feminist politics. In honor of that effort, we highlight seven unlikely men who are making the case for gender equality—without waiting for a formal invitation to the cause. They’re not perfect, but at least they’re trying.


Anthony Bourdain

Bourdain is generally known for mining his bad-boy culinary past to write a best-selling book that led to the most enviable job in the world: hosting his own travel show about food. But a careful observer will notice the feminist underpinnings of his work. In his 2010 book Medium Raw, he pointed out the problematic way that home-ec classes of the 1950s and 60s perpetuated a gender divide in the kitchen, writing, “Knowing how to cook, or visibly enjoying it, became an embarrassment for an enlightened young woman…Males were hardly leaping to pick up the slack, as cooking had been so wrong-headedly portrayed as ‘for girls.’” Though Bourdain has lauded female chefs like Gabrielle Hamilton, he has also objected to the idea that there should be a designated category for them, tweeting in August 2013: “Why—at this point in history—do we need a ‘Best Female Chef’ special designation? As if they are curiosities?” Though his viewpoint was controversial (and challenged by Dirt Candy owner and chef Amanda Cohen), speaking out on the issue shows he’s aware of the need to finally close the gender gaps in professional kitchens.

Arthur Chu

[tweet url=”https://twitter.com/arthur_affect/status/524590972810706945″ author=”Arthur Chu” handle=”arthur_affect” text=”I am a man who talks about gender. Women make me feel bad sometimes. I can handle it. Male “victims of feminism” are #NotYourShield” date=”2014-10-21″ time=”08:00″]

Chu came into the public eye earlier this year after controversially subverting the rules on Jeopardy to win 11 straight games. He then turned his 15 minutes of unlikely fame into something much more meaningful: a thoughtful column in The Daily Beast about the role of women in gaming culture, which he was prompted to write after Elliot Rodger’s school shooting in May near UC Santa Barbara. The piece gained traction online for eloquently pointing out that “fixating on a woman from afar and then refusing to give up when she acts like she’s not interested is, generally, something that ends badly for everyone involved.” The column amassed more than 1,300 comments and since then, Chu has continued to thoughtfully weigh in on gender issues on his Twitter account.

Russell Brand

Calling Brand a feminist has caused more than a few eyebrows to be raised in the past year. The once-notorious lothario—who once famously broke up with Katy Perry via text message—is full of paradoxes. But in January, he made headlines for publicly backing Britain’s No More Page 3 (NMP3) campaign, a social media-fueled effort to stop the The Sun from displaying topless women daily in their so-called “family newspaper.” Holding up a NMP3 t-shirt, he tweeted: “And finally, through the love of a good woman, teenage, sexist me was slain.” While his new book-cum-manifesto Revolution calls for equality of all kinds, Brand’s involvement in the cause of gender equality will undoubtedly continue to stir controversy and debate. However, it’s hard to deny the significance of someone whose public profile was once synonymous with the objectification of women publicly admitting that the institutionalized sexism has no place in a mainstream publication.

Vivek Wadhwa

Wadhwa—an Indian-American tech entrepreneur, academic, and one of TIME’s Top 40 Most Influential Minds in Tech—came across the problem of tech’s gender discrepancy numerically. After noticing the dearth of minorities and women at TechCrunch’s 2010 awards, he crunched the numbers to reveal the difficulty females have in finding investors, jobs, and mentors in Silicon Valley. As a columnist for The Washington Post, Forbes, The Wall Street Journal and others, he’s used his platform to advocate for Silicon Valley companies to post transparent diversity information and examine the “conscious and subconscious bias that has led to the exclusion of women, blacks, and Latinos from their workforce.” This year he published Innovating Women, a book he co-authored with Farai Chideya that was based on the submissions and interviews from more than 500 women.

Aziz Ansari

By his own admission, actor and comic Aziz Ansari is a feminist because his girlfriend, professional chef Courtney McBroom, compelled him to think more deeply on issues of gender equality. On a recent Late Show with David Letterman appearance, Ansari went on a well-publicized tangent about what it means to be a feminist and why he’s happy to bear the label. “You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay-Z and Beyoncé concert and you’re not like, ‘I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay-Z,’” he said. “‘Also, I don’t think Beyoncé should have the right to vote and why is Beyoncé singing and dancing? Shouldn’t she make Jay a steak?’” On Parks and Recreation, Aziz Ansari is co-star to another outspoken feminist, Amy Poehler, whose character on the show, an ambitious public servant named Leslie Knope, is pretty flamboyant about her own gender-equality agenda. It’s hard not to be a feminist when you have that many powerful women around.

Saladin Ahmed

As an Arab-American fantasy writer and Twitter personality, Saladin Ahmed has not only used his platform to talk about racist depictions of Arabs in popular media but also about feminism. Although Ahmed faced some criticism for his representations of women in his popular novel, Throne of the Crescent Moon, he’s now trying to repair his feminist standing. In an interview with Think Progress, he said, “It’s why I’m practicing what I preach in creating warrior women and badass grandma alchemists.” Ahmed has gained huge followings on social media, where he posts frequently about how women are depicted in comics. More recently, he sparked a lively conversation when he posed this question to his followers: “What do you think men can do to help make the internet less dangerous for women? I AM LOOKING FOR RESPONSES FROM WOMEN ONLY, PLEASE.” The resulting Twitter thread is a good place start for any man looking to strengthen his feminist chops online.

Chris Hayes

Cable news often has little to offer in the way of feminist discourse, but those looking to reform the medium should seek out Chris Hayes, host of All In. Last year, the MSNBC host wrote a well-received letter to the feminist movement for making Father’s Day a better day for dads. “This is the great gift of feminism to men: It took a sledgehammer to the [most] stultifying parts of patriarchy, including a vision of fatherhood in which dads were expected to be distant, stoic, removed creatures from their kids’ lives,” he wrote. Hayes puts his money where his mouth is, not only applying a feminist lens to the issues of the day but also making sure his guest panels are diverse in both race and gender.

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  • How to be grateful to someone – even when you really don’t want to
    Photo credit: Focus Pixel Art/Moment via Getty ImagesAt times, feeling personally grateful to someone can feel like a big ask – but there are other forms of gratitude.
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    How to be grateful to someone – even when you really don’t want to

    A change in perspective can make gratitude easier.

    There are few greater feelings than the sense of heartfelt gratitude to another human being who has done you a solid. Sincere thanks and reciprocation are part of the glue that binds us in human relationships.

    But sometimes you’re just not feeling it. You know that you have benefited from what someone has done for you, but you don’t really feel grateful to them for doing it. Most teenagers go through this period with their parents. Maybe you take your partner or colleague for granted.

    For me, 14 years ago, it was my mother-in-law. She had upended her life to move from South Dakota to California to live with my wife and me to assist with childcare after our daughter was born; no other source of childcare fit with our demanding work schedules and my commute. She made a huge sacrifice that transformed our lives, but there were moments when I really struggled to feel grateful.

    Since that time, I’ve come to devote much of my research as a philosopher to studying how the way that we interpret each other as people shapes our relationships. That work has helped me to understand why I struggled to be grateful – and taught me a little bit about how to do better.

    Personal gratitude

    I’ve found that the hardest part of feeling grateful to someone is the “to” part. It is one thing to be impersonally grateful that something happened and another thing to be personally grateful to someone for doing it. These are not the same.

    Both forms of gratitude require seeing something as a benefit. And they both require a humble recognition of how easily things could have been otherwise. When the rain ends a drought, an atheist can feel grateful that the tomatoes will survive. But the atheist isn’t grateful “to” anyone for the rain.

    A line of around a dozen men wearing white sarongs stand in waist-high water, holding their hands up in prayer.
    Priests offer prayers to Varuna, the Hindu god of rain, as they stand in the Osman Sagar on the outskirts of Hyderabad, India, on July 16, 2013. AP Photo/Mahesh Kumar A

    Personal gratitude requires more than impersonal gratitude. It is an example of what the philosopher Peter Strawson calls a “participant” attitude: an attitude that we have toward people, but not toward things. And a large theme in my work is that participant attitudes such as gratitude involve giving someone credit for what the attitude responds to.

    But which benefits we give people credit for is complicated. As philosophers such as Tony Manela have argued, actions motivated primarily by money, self-interest or insecurity don’t merit personal gratitude, even when they benefit you. Actions motivated by love, generosity or concern, on the other hand – or other “pro-social” motives – do.

    Sometimes people fail to feel gratitude because they take someone for granted, not noticing how easily they could have done otherwise. This wasn’t my problem with my mother-in-law. It was obvious that she didn’t have to move across the country to live with us.

    But it was hard to avoid noticing that she had always wanted to live in California. Sometimes it is hard to feel grateful because of how we interpret someone’s motives. They could have done otherwise, but we don’t think their action was really “about us.”

    Bad motives are easy to find

    Sometimes ungenerous motives can help people to be generous. Your child’s kindergarten teacher isn’t a volunteer. They may be a naturally generous person – but still, they probably wouldn’t be working with your child on spelling, arithmetic and handling adversity if they weren’t getting a paycheck.

    It’s still appropriate to be grateful to them. Their financial incentive to show up for work enables their generosity, rather than competing with it.

    A row of young children sit on the floor, clapping, as they face a seated teacher in a striped yellow shirt.
    Your child’s teacher might be generous, but their job enables them to act on that generosity every day. svetikd/E+ via Getty Images

    Elementary school teachers are not alone. After all, people’s decisions are often driven by many factors: some that merit gratitude and others that don’t. So if you go looking for selfish motives, you are bound to find some.

    Take your partner, for example. They do something that benefits you: buying you flowers, filling your tank with gas or finally taking their turn to wash the dishes. They are partly motivated by generosity, love or communal spirit. But, as in any close relationship, sometimes they may be hoping to get something out of it: reciprocation, maybe, or getting you off their back.

    It matters which of these you interpret as their “true” motive: Seeing it one way opens you up to gratitude, while the other precludes it.

    What are ‘true’ motives?

    The distinction between someone’s “true” motive and the other motives that enable it looks like the distinction between causes and enabling conditions. For example, when you drop a wine glass, the fragility of the glass enables the drop to cause the break, but it isn’t itself a cause of the break – the drop is.

    In the case of the falling glass, there’s a clear, objective answer to what caused the break and what merely enabled it. But I believe that relating to people is deeply different than understanding physical things.

    The key question in whether to be grateful to someone isn’t about which motives count as “causes.” It is about which cause we need to bring into focus in order to see the other person more clearly for who they are.

    See it their way

    In other words, it’s at least partly a matter of perspective. If someone does you a favor, but you know they’re hoping for something in return, you can see that as their “true” motive. But you don’t have to see it that way. Instead, you could see that motive as the condition they need for their generosity to thrive.

    Shifting perspectives isn’t easy. When you’re doubting someone’s motives, their lack of generosity can feel obvious. But it helps to remember that people tend to believe they’re acting generously. If you want to respond with gratitude, try seeing them as they see themselves.

    What if that doesn’t work?

    Well, the next best thing to being grateful to someone is being grateful for them. Starting there is a good way to remind yourself of why you value this relations

    This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.

  • America’s friendliest states
    Photo credit: New Africa // ShutterstockA young couple talking to a friendly elderly neighbor.
    ,

    America’s friendliest states

    Mountain West states lead the nation in community connection.

    The ways in which Americans connect vary widely by state. A range of factors contribute to a place’s overall character, but the time residents spend socializing, volunteering and helping people outside their own homes can shape how friendly it feels.

    SmartAsset analyzed the 50 states by the number of minutes per day residents spend on these three “friendly activities,” using time and action as measures of how communities connect. The results offer a behavioral snapshot of where residents spend the most time engaging with others in their communities.

    Key Findings

    • The Mountain West leads the rankings. Montana (No. 1), Utah (No. 2), and Wyoming (No. 3) took the top spots in the study, with residents of Montana averaging a nation-leading 95 minutes per day socializing, volunteering and helping others.
    • Mountaineers are the most likely to help others. Although West Virginia ranked No. 24 overall, its residents spent more time than any others providing unpaid help to people outside their own homes, about 30 minutes per day.
    • Rankings challenge some stereotypes. Despite its reputation for “Minnesota Nice,” Minnesota ranked No. 11, just outside the top 10. Washington, home to Seattle and its “Seattle Freeze” reputation, ranked No. 10.
    • Three Northeast states in the top 20. Although residents of Northeastern states are not always seen as especially warm by outsiders, three states in the region made the top 20: Rhode Island, Massachusetts and Maryland.
    Table listing the top 20 friendliest states in America.

    The 20 Friendliest States

    1. Montana
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 43.36
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 35.62
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 15.89
    1. Utah
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 38.24
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 32.46
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.95
    1. Wyoming
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 35.57
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 40.49
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 7.07
    1. Oregon
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 53.74
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 14.85
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.36
    1. Illinois
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 32.37
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 14.12
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 28.43
    1. Rhode Island
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 52.15
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 5.33
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 17.35
    1. Nebraska
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 39.3
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 11.08
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 24.06
    1. North Dakota
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 35.5
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 24.61
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.88
    1. Missouri
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 43.44
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 16.05
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 11.86
    1. Washington
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 30.59
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 24.04
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 14.92
    1. Minnesota
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 30.33
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 11.75
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 25.18
    1. Massachusetts
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 35.38
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 9.63
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.91
    1. Wisconsin
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 36.51
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 8.46
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.86
    1. Colorado
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 27.08
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 16.82
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.31
    1. Maryland
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 26.05
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 25.72
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.39
    1. Michigan
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 38.9
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 11.21
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 12.98
    1. Tennessee
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 33.82
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 9.45
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 19.53
    1. South Dakota
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 41.61
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 0.21
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.61
    1. Hawaii
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 26.3
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 14.84
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 20.98
    1. Virginia
    • Average Minutes Spent Socializing (daily): 38.96
    • Average Minutes Spent Volunteering (daily): 10.92
    • Average Minutes Spent Helping Others (daily): 11.97

    Methodology

    This study uses data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey, extracted from IPUMS, over the most recent available four-year period. For each state, SmartAsset calculated the average daily minutes residents spent socializing, volunteering, and helping people outside the household. Those three measures were then equally weighted and summed to produce a total time value used to rank the states. Source data providers are not affiliated with, and do not endorse or sponsor, this study or its findings.

    Citation: Sarah M. Flood, Liana C. Sayer, Daniel Backman and Annie Chen. American Time Use Survey Data Extract Builder: Version 3.3 dataset. College Park, MD: University of Maryland and Minneapolis, MN: IPUMS, 2025. https://doi.org/10.18128/D060.V3.3

    This story was produced by SmartAsset and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.

  • One man’s bad day led to a legacy of love from the ‘Kissing Tree’ for the whole Victoria community
    Photo credit: CanvaSneak a kiss while walking the sidewalk.

    There is a spot dedicated to love in Victoria, British Columbia. In it, a billowing tree grows from a woman’s yard into the sidewalk with an arch-like opening. For decades, couples have shared sweet moments under the shady green privacy of the “Kissing Tree.” Not only that, but children have been making wishes and new parents bring their babies to enjoy the quiet tranquility under the tree. Oddly enough, though, the creation of the Kissing Tree wouldn’t have happened if not for a violent riot.

    The story of Victoria’s Kissing Tree actually starts in New York City. In 1972, Bronx native Brian O’Reilly got his car stuck in the middle of a crowd waiting for a Rolling Stones concert. A riot broke out, forcing O’Reilly to protect himself with the only thing he had in his car: a tape recorder.

    “I wasn’t recording on purpose,” O’Reilly explained to CTV News. “I just had the microphone in my hand, and I had my arm up like this to defend myself and I was asking why he was hitting me.”

    Moving toward love

    O’Reilly was so upset at the encounter that he moved away from the United States to settle in British Columbia. That was where he met and befriended Bonnie. Over the years, the two became close. Then, Brian made his move.

    “He said, ‘I don’t want to date you. I want to marry you,’” Bonnie recalled to CTV News. “It felt amazing and wonderful because I had fallen in love with him.”

    They embraced under what is now known as the Kissing Tree.

    That one bad day in New York turned into 38 years of marriage in Victoria. While Brian has passed away, Bonnie has kept the tree the two of them enjoyed kissing under ready and available to all.

    “If you can come here and have an ‘aha!’ moment, isn’t that wonderful? Wouldn’t you like to do that for everyone?” Bonnie said.

    tree, foliage, British Columbia
    Screenshot

    The legacy of the Kissing Tree

    Over the last few decades, the Kissing Tree’s branches have created a natural arch from Bonnie’s yard over the sidewalk. After seeing several couples make a stop to kiss under the privacy of nature, Bonnie hung some lights under the tree to create a more intimate, cozier space.

    Thanks to the O’Reillys, couples have gotten engaged under the tree. Many resident couples have spent years making it a point to kiss under the tree whenever they pass through. That love has extended to children whispering wishes to the tree’s trunk. Pet lovers and new parents also have a nice quiet place for their dogs and babies to enjoy the shade.

    Other ‘Kissing Trees’ in North America

    There are other legendary “Kissing Trees” throughout North America, labeled as such for different reasons. In San Marcos, Texas, a large oak was dubbed “The Kissing Tree” after Sam Houston kissed the cheeks of the women who stitched him the state flag as a gift when he was running for governor.

    The Kissing Trees/Love Trees of St. Augustine, Florida have a legend of their own. These trees are typically an oak and a palm tree that grow intertwined together, symbolizing connection. Legend has it that if you were to kiss under one of these trees, your love will last forever.

    Whether it is imprinting magic onto a landmark or not, it is great to see how something as simple as a tree can connect people across time.

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