Articles

Making Sense of Syria

“For the greater part of my life, I’ve seen the devastation wrought by American involvement in the Middle East”

Image courtesy of the Kremlin.

I was only in elementary school when the Iraq War began, but I still remember being in the car with my parents, and hearing the news reporter solemnly announce the first strikes on Baghdad. Even then, I had enough political consciousness to feel a deep sense of dread. The ride home was a quiet one.

I had a flashback to this moment on Thursday evening, as I was scrolling Twitter and started to see news of Donald Trump’s strikes on the Syrian Air Force trickle into my timeline. But the alchemy of emotions differed this time. A familiar sense of dread set in. I grew up going to anti-war rallies and signing petitions for the removal of President George W. Bush for his involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan. For the greater part of my life, I’ve seen the devastation wrought by American involvement in the Middle East.

When I was in college, however, I found myself in the awkward, and deeply conflicted, position of defending U.S. intervention. The Arab uprisings were underway, and there were nascent movements in my family’s hometown of Benghazi, Libya. A few days before the official demonstrations were set to begin—February 17—an anti-Gaddafi demonstration broke out at a courthouse, and it soon spread to the rest of the city. Government security forces were responding to the protesters with tear gas, and then gunfire. The ordeal coalesced into a month-long battle for the city once protesters took ahold of some arms. A month later, Gaddafi himself called into a radio show to promise a brutal attack on the city. “We are coming tonight,” he told listeners. “You will come out from inside. Prepare yourselves from tonight. We will find you in your closets.”

My mother made frightened phone calls to Benghazi from our home in Southern Calfiornia, to check in on our family. They feared a terrible onslaught. As the U.N. prepared to vote on a coalition-based intervention, my cousin Hamadi was shot and killed by Gaddafi forces. There emerged a broad consensus by the city’s inhabitants in favor of a no-fly zone. At protests, they called on the U.S. and other nations to take action and prevent Gaddafi’s attack on the city.

[quote position="full" is_quote="true"] I wonder where this anger was over the past seven years, as Syrian lives were lost to regime violence, Russian airstrikes, and, of course, U.S. intervention. [/quote]

It was a troubling position to be in. Who was I, to lecture my family and friends—those who were directly in Gaddafi’s line of fire—about the possible consequences of Western intervention? After all, they didn’t just watch the Iraq war happen on TV—they welcomed Iraqi refugees into their country. They had material knowledge of the ramifications that I did not possess. Yet, they insisted on taking the risks—did it matter who took their lives now, Gaddafi or a NATO missile?

Gaddafi is gone, but the country is trapped in chaos. The political situation remains unstable, with conflicting groups struggling for control—on one side, a power-hungry military general (with CIA ties) named Khalifa Haftar, and on the other side, rogue militias. In retrospect, I don’t know that I would advocate as strongly for a no-fly zone as I did when I was a college student. I did not have to live with the aftermath. My family does, and many of them look back with a mixture of regret and relief.

I think about all this now, as leftist backlash to Trump’s actions in Syria fulminates. I wonder where this anger was over the past seven years, as Syrian lives were lost to regime violence, Russian airstrikes, and, of course, U.S. intervention. To be clear, this latest action is one of more than 7,900 strikes in Syria—most of which happened under the Obama administration—that the U.S. has conducted in its offence against ISIL in the region (that doesn’t include the additional 11,000 it has conducted in Iraq). Many of these strikes also took civilian lives, while the American public looked on dispassionately. Meanwhile, the Trump administration made moves to limit the immigration of refugees to the U.S., those who were escaping a conflict the U.S. had a very strong hand in creating. ISIL, after all, is a monster borne of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So, Trump’s actions are not so much a new development in the Syrian war, as much as they are a continuation of previous policies. From the comfort of his glitzy golf resort, as he wined and dined the prime minister of China, Trump ordered these latest strikes. The only difference this time is that these strikes hit the Assad regime directly, and that the man who ordered them is a more definable villain than Barack Obama, or even Hillary Clinton. But one thing remains the same: the Syrian people suffer the consequences, every time.

Everyone has a few clothing items in their wardrobe that just become staples over the years.

Whether it be that oversized college sweatshirt or that one t-shirt you bought 10 years ago that you just can't seem to part with, there are just certain clothing items that make you feel like you whenever you slip them on.

Last year, an Imgur user uploaded a picture of their mother's favorite summer dress that she has been wearing for years. At first glance, it looks like any other generic novelty Hawaiian-printed garment. But look a little closer...

via Imgur

The summer dress.

Can you see the NSFW pattern among the hibiscus print?

If you're still having trouble, look a little harder:

via Imgur

The hidden risky pose on a summer dress.

Yep, there are silhouettes of naked women all over the dress.

I have so many questions. How did nobody notice this for so long? Who the heck is this dress even made for? What horny dude got away with this design?!

Yes, on one hand, this pattern is just another reminder of how women are sexualized at every turn— even in contexts that make no sense. But, on the other hand, the naked ladies do give this dress a little extra pizazz.

Would you rock this dress, or donate it to Goodwill?


This article originally appeared on 07.26.19.

Articles

A student's brilliant homework response outsmarted a teacher's ridiculously sexist question.

This 8-year-old proved she was far more enlightened than her teacher with this clever response.

While an English elementary school teacher created a list of clues for words that contain “ur” in them, they probably thought they were doing kids a service sticking to familiar jobs, days of the week, and other intuitive responses. However, one girl, 8-year-old Yasmine Sutcliffe of Birmingham, thought outside of the box when one of the responses was clearly designed to solicit a sexist response from the impressionable youngsters.

No doubt the teacher didn’t anticipate Yasmin’s thoughtful and far more appropriate response when assigning these questions. However, the response hopefully gave the responsible party something to think about as social media championed the girl for refusing to subscribe to outdated gender roles.

Here’s a photo of the assignment, initially shared by Yasmine’s father, Robert. The offending question and enlightened response are circled.

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While her answer certainly shook the antiquated belief that “woman equals nurse” when applied to anyone working in a hospital, some were quick to point out that equating any job at all, be it menial or lofty, to a certain gender is the very definition of sexism.

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Another user found a potential explanation for the tone-deaf cue.

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This fact may not mitigate the culpability of the school, but hopefully it serves as a small demonstration of the progress made in the past 20 years.


This article originally appeared on 05.29.19.

Articles

Daughter explains brutal obituary she wrote for her father about his ‘bad parenting.’

The obituary walks a fine line between uncloaked honesty and mean-spiritedness.

Everyone is entitled to a few nice words at their funeral, as the adage goes. Normally, this is a non-issue. Flaws can be ignored or overlooked for the sake of harmony and a peaceful, optimistic send-off.

But what if the flaws created too much damage and heartache to go without saying?

Sheila Smith made headlines last week with an obituary that was as honest in what can only be described as a brutal sense. Brutal for the departed, her father Leslie Ray Charping, and brutal for the family that had to endure his life and death.

Here's the obituary in its entirety, taken from the website of Carnes Funeral Home:

"Leslie Ray ‘Popeye' Charping was born in Galveston, Texas on November 20, 1942 and passed away January 30, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved. Leslie battled with cancer in his latter years and lost his battle, ultimately due to being the horses ass he was known for. He leaves behind 2 relieved children; a son Leslie Roy Charping and daughter, Shiela Smith along with six grandchildren and countless other victims including an ex wife, relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses and random strangers."

"At a young age, Leslie quickly became a model example of bad parenting combined with mental illness and a complete commitment to drinking, drugs, womanizing and being generally offensive. Leslie enlisted to serve in the Navy, but not so much in a brave & patriotic way but more as part of a plea deal to escape sentencing on criminal charges. While enlisted, Leslie was the Navy boxing champion and went on to sufficiently embarrass his family and country by spending the remainder of his service in the Balboa Mental Health Hospital receiving much needed mental healthcare services."


"Leslie was surprisingly intelligent, however he lacked ambition and motivation to do anything more than being reckless, wasteful, squandering the family savings and fantasizing about get rich quick schemes. Leslie's hobbies included being abusive to his family, expediting trips to heaven for the beloved family pets and fishing, which he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned. Leslie's life served no other obvious purpose, he did not contribute to society or serve his community and he possessed no redeeming qualities besides quick whited sarcasm which was amusing during his sober days."

"With Leslie's passing he will be missed only for what he never did; being a loving husband, father and good friend. No services will be held, there will be no prayers for eternal peace and no apologizes to the family he tortured. Leslie's remains will be cremated and kept in the barn until ‘Ray', the family donkey's wood shavings run out. Leslie's passing proves that evil does in fact die and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all."

The obituary walks a fine line between uncloaked honesty and mean-spiritedness, repeatedly falling on either side. If this obituary is to be believed (no person or account has publicly questioned or denounced this characterization), his family has a right to be both angry for his life and happy for his death. However, the controversy surrounding this obituary isn't the survivors' feelings, but their expression of them.

Sheila, speaking to The Michael Berry Show, a radio program, stood by the obituary she wrote, claiming it was an effort to heal, forget, and minimize the residual impact his death would have on their lives. To realize this, and to fulfill her late father's wishes, the obituary needed to be honest. She said to the show's host, “ A week after he passed I sat down and began working on it. I was somewhat blocked and everything I was going to write was going to be a lie," she said. “He hated a liar and he would appreciate this."

Speaking earlier to KTRK, Sheila said that those who are bothered by this or the notion of speaking ill of the dead, are fortunate to not understand. “I am happy for those that simply do not understand, this means you had good parent(s) -- please treasure what you have."She continued to say that whitewashing transgressions that are so endemic and undiscussed in the world, such as her father's issues with domestic violence and alcoholism, serves no greater good.She concluded, “I apologize to anyone that my father hurt and I felt it would have been offensive to portray him as anything other than who he was," she also said. "This obituary was intended to help bring closure because not talking about domestic violence doesn't make it go away!"


This article originally appeared on 05.22.19


For anyone who thinks stories of sexual harassment and assault are complicated, writer Maura Quint has a story for you. Actually, she has quite a few.

Quint posted a thread on her Twitter account that quickly went viral in which she talked about a number of real-life encounters with men that started out sexual, involved her expressing disinterest, and the men responding appropriately.

It wasn't an unrealistic hero's tale of men handing over the keys to their autonomy. Rather, Quint's incredible thread made it clear that the only variable in cases of assault vs. non-assault are when a man doesn't respect the autonomy of the woman he's propositioning.

Her thread opens up in an all-too-familiar tone, where we're led to believe it will go to an incredibly dark place:

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Maybe?

Instead, Quint says her indifference to his proposition was met in kind with a guy just acting in a basic, non-rapey way:

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Should be expected.

She goes on to offer several other examples of being in sexual or potentially sexual situations with men who also managed to not sexually assault her:

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Annoyed but with character.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Meeting the right instead of wrong person.

And here's the real kicker, Quint says she has been assaulted. To her, the difference isn't hard to pinpoint:

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Difference being whether they were okay with assault.

Her thread has been re-tweeted nearly 50,000 times and “liked" more than 100,000 times. Other women and some men jumped in with their own tales of drinking, partying and still, somehow, managing to not assault or even harass the women they encountered.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

She married him.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Men avoid abusers too.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Kind and human.

It's a stark contrast to the half-baked defenses of Brett Kavanaugh and other men like him. There are incredibly rare exceptions where a man is accused of assault or harassment and he is entirely free of guilt. But for women, or anyone for that matter, who has survived sexual assault or experienced sexual harassment, there is no “gray area."

There's being OK with assault and then there's everything else. Whether or not we're consciously aware of this, we've all chosen a side. But if you're on the wrong side, it doesn't have to be that way forever.


This article originally appeared on 10.02.18

Articles

People are dying over this kid's emotional reaction to learning his sister is his half-sister.

Pam's brother doesn’t quite grasp the concept of half-siblings.

This is Pam.

Pam has a little brother, who recently learned that he is actually her half-brother. Of course, half-siblings are still very much siblings, but Pam's brother doesn't quite grasp the concept yet and seems upset about having to part with 50% of his sister.

So when she came home recently, she found this letter he'd written. It will make you cry, so have off-brand tissues on hand:

via PamTina_/Twitter

Letter with love from her brother.

OMG.

GIF from media1.giphy.com.

GIF of a teary Oprah.

As if this letter isn't enough to turn your heart into a soft pile of oatmeal, he also left her some of her (presumably) favorite snacks, like Chips Ahoy and Takis (excellent choices!).

Pam, being a human with a soul, was deeply moved and tweeted out a photo of her little brother's letter:

"My little brother found out I\u2019m not his fully sister and I came home to this...”

-I\u2019m crying..pic.twitter.com/DAC0yUUBt4—\ua9c1Pam\ua9c2 (@\ua9c1Pam\ua9c2) 1532413776

It quickly went viral. And now the whole internet is now welling up with tears.

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And others are sharing their own sibling stories:

These are so, so sweet.

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@PamTina_ When my sister realized we didn’t have the same dad she told me I could share hers and she was gonna tell him to adopt me😢 — corazon🌙 (@corazon🌙) 1532556170.0

Don't say we didn't warn you about the tissues.

GIF from media2.giphy.com.

The feels!

Remember this next time you get into a fight with your sibling. Half or whole, doesn't matter.


This article originally appeared on 08.17.18

Articles

Man gets hilariously shamed by his mom after sexist Facebook post

A friendly reminder that your parents are always on Facebook.

The old litmus test of, “Would you say that in front of your mother?" was unintentionally put into action recently with hilarious results.

A few weeks ago, a guy decided to share a profoundly stupid meme from the Facebook page of Meninist which tries to mansplain all of the horrible gates a man must pass through to win the favor of a woman.

Conversely, the only listed items on “what it takes to be attractive" for a woman is “don't be too fat." Because we all know the real victims of objectification throughout history have been the bros of the world like yours truly.

Image from Facebook.

Laws of Attraction.

Sadly, the meme this guy posted truly has gone viral, being shared nearly 9,000 times and generating more than 6,000 likes.

But one disapproving internet denizen definitely had something to share was the guy's mom.

In a series of escalating posts on his Facebook wall, the unnamed first lady in his life went off, promising to not only start a one-on-one conversation with her son but to hold this shameful moment over his head forever. “I've screen shot this for our further viewing pleasure and future learning tool."

Image from Facebook.

Mom is angry.

Image from Facebook.

Wedding day challenges.

Image from Facebook.

Doctor called.

With Mother's Day on the horizon, here's hoping this guy learned his lesson and took to heart some easy to follow tips on not being a horrible person from the woman who brought him into this world.


This article originally appeared on 09.23.17

Stressed? Of course you are. Luckily for you, and the entire U.S. population, scientists believe they may have identified the most relaxing song in the world.

Music has forever been associated with bringing about relaxation, happiness, and serenity — whether it's a Gregorian chant or some Enya accompanied by a glass of merlot.

Neuroscientists in the United Kingdom think they have found the one song that relieves stress and soothes our souls more than any other.

Mindlab International, a market research firm, conducted a study a few years ago in which participants completed difficult (and possibly stressful) puzzles while their brain activity was monitored. To study its effect, music was played while they completed the puzzles.

One song stood out above the rest. “Weightless" by Marconi Union (listen below), an English ambient music band, induced a 65% reduction in stress among participants, according to Inc. And DailyMail.com reported that the song was 11% more effective than most other songs — by such musicians as Adele and Coldplay — in reducing blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing speed.

The 2011 song was created by the band, along with the British Academy of Sound Therapy, to do just that — relax listeners.

If you prefer something with lyrics, try Enya's “Watermark" or “Pure Shores" by All Saints, which were also proven to be relaxing,

Music therapy is considered to be a natural therapy important in alleviating stress. Because stress is an important cause of other deadly illness, fighting it is key to maintaining good health. Numerous studies have shown how damaging stress can be to our bodies and our brain. So don't let it get out of control. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the music.

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Marconi Union - Weightless (Official Video)


This article originally appeared on 11.03.16


Heidi Johnson's son was 13, deeply in adolescence, and in that stage where he lashes out.

He told her he shouldn't have to deal with her rules and should be independent.

So she wrote a strict but loving “Mom's not a fool" letter.

She wrote on Facebook how her son reacted to the letter:

Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

Love, Mom.

“He came home, saw the note, crumpled it on the floor, and stormed out of the apartment. I have always encouraged him to take a walk when he is upset so that he can collect his thoughts so when we try to talk, we are able to talk, and not just yell at each other. I do the same thing — sometimes, I just need to walk away and collect myself. I am not above admitting that. He was still livid when he got home. He decided to stage a 'sit in' in my room, where he did laugh at me and repeat, 'Really? What are you going to do? You can't take my stuff,' etc. He was asked to leave my room, and when he could be respectful, and I was more calm, we would discuss it further. He went to his room, and after about an hour, he had removed some electronics and items I missed that he felt he should have to earn back for his behavior. He apologized, and asked what could he do to make things better and start earning items back. He earned his comforter and some clothes right back. I did leave him some clothes to begin with, just not the ones he would want to wear every day. He also had some pillows and sheets, just not his favorite ones."

She decided to post it on Facebook, the way one does to friends for a laugh and connection. She neglected to make it “private," and soon comments and shares proliferated, including admonishments from strangers who thought she was a bad parent.

Now she had to deal with a bigger teenager: the internet and its commentariat. But Johnson remained level-headed and wrote another Facebook post, clarifying.

“It's out there; and I am not ashamed of what I wrote... I am not going to put my 13-year-old on the street if he can't pay his half of the rent. I am not wanting him to pay anything. I want him to take pride in his home, his space, and appreciate the gifts and blessings we have."\nShe explains that he is more grateful because of it, and also that he has slowly earned back things and dealt with sacrificing others. Then she lists her very organized and succinct rules of the house:

1 – Do your best in school! I don't expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don't understand something.

2 – Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.

3 – Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.

4 – You must complete two chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday has a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options: dust, vacuum, polish furniture, clean windows, mop the floor.

5 – Be respectful and kind with your words — no back talking, no cussing at me.

6 – Keep good hygiene.

7 – Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener.

8 – Use proper manners.

“You know what.. this hasn't hurt our relationship. He and I still talk as openly as ever. He has apologized multiple times... And… he is trying harder." Her son is earning things back little by little, and appreciating it more than he did before.

“This came down to a 13-year-old telling his mother she had no right to enforce certain rules, and had no place to 'control' him. I made the point to show what life would look like if I was not his 'parent,' but rather a 'roommate.' It was a lesson about gratitude and respect from the very beginning. Sometimes, you have to lose it all to realize how well you really had it."

This article originally appeared on 06.19.21.