Culture

Lordy, Seagulls, And ‘No Fuzz’: Relive All The Best Moments From Comey’s Riveting Testimony

by Katie Wudel

June 8, 2017
Chicago customers head to the bar R Public House, which opened five hours early, to watch former FBI Director James Comey testify before the Senate intelligence committee on June 8, 2017 in Chicago, Illinois.

Former FBI Director James Comey kicked off his public hearing Thursday morning by letting the Senate Intelligence Committee know he expected them to have done their homework, declining to repeat the “explosive” written testimony he released on Wednesday.

Though the Republican party insisted there was nothing of substance to be found in Comey’s statements, the internet begged to differ, capturing Comey’s sincere, apparently damning, and at times downright weird live testimony in all its glory. 

“Lordy, I hope there are tapes.”

Early on, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) pressed Comey, asking, “Why didn't you stop and say, 'Mr. President, this is wrong, I cannot discuss this with you?'”

Comey answered by saying, “I was so stunned by the conversation that I just took it in and the only thing I could think to say, because I was playing in my mind to remember every word he said, I was playing in my mind, what should my response be? That's why I very carefully chose the words. I’ve seen the tweet about tapes. Lordy, I hope there are tapes," he said. 

The moment was an instant Twitter classic.

And nobody could wait until Merriam-Webster chimed in.

Which it did, in uncharacteristically nonchalant fashion.

“The media was camping at the end of my driveway at that point, and I was actually going out of town with my wife to hide, and I worried that it would be like feeding seagulls at the beach."

Members of the media had to give this one to Comey.

“I had to call my wife and break a date with her.”

By now, Comey’s January dinner with Trump—in which the then President-elect demanded his loyalty—has taken on a notorious air. Asked if Comey had in any way initiated the dinner, he immediately scoffed and again brought up his wife.

“There should be no fuzz on this whatsoever, the Russians interfered in our election during the 2016 cycle.”

The former FBI Director minced fuzzed no words when he confirmed that the Russians did, in fact, commit a hostile act by interfering with the 2016 U.S. election. 

Of course, Merriam-Webster had to weigh in again.

Is James Comey Dale Cooper IRL?

With a reprise of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks back on air, starring FBI Agent Dale Cooper (known for employing his own odd turns of phrase), the comparisons ran rampant.

And we can’t forget about the hearing’s other star, John McCain.

Toward the end of the hearing, 80-year-old Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) either showed his age or a refusal to take a stand, engaging Comey in a number of strange queries. 

Rachel Maddow’s description was an understatement, to say the least. 

Especially when you take a look at the other Senators in attendance.

McCain apparently felt he had to address his unusual behavior, and released a press release on Thursday afternoon.

… So, how’d you do?

Though there were no smoking guns in Comey’s testimony, he addressed many of the public’s concerns about the ongoing Russia investigation—and many Twitter users appeared to keep score, going so far as to employ a #ComeyBingo hashtag.

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Lordy, Seagulls, And ‘No Fuzz’: Relive All The Best Moments From Comey’s Riveting Testimony