This Diabolical Alarm Clock Puts You Through Hell So You Don’t Sleep In

If hitting snooze is a problem for you, this is the terrible solution

As smartphones have become prevalent, the traditional bedside alarm clock appears to be going the way of the dinosaurs, with one survey (from way back in 2012) reporting that 90 percent of people ages 18-30 use the alarm on their phones to wake up.

Many bemoan the fact that one more relic of a simpler existence is falling prey to our phone obsessions, but one smartphone app engages with its user in a way no alarm clock ever could. It’s called, appropriately enough, I Can’t Wake Up!, and it’s for people who can’t muster the willpower or clarity of mind to do the right thing and rise from bed when their alarm goes off.

At its most innocuous, I Can’t Wake Up! functions just like your built-in iPhone or Android app does. But if you weren’t looking for any extra functionality, you wouldn’t want to stray from the stock phone alarm, now would you? I Can’t Wake Up!’s value is as a device that doesn’t take “snooze” for an answer.

When I was in high school, my dad—knowing I’d been out late the night before—would enter my room at the ungodly hour of 9 a.m., turn off my ceiling fan, open my shades, and move the glass of water from my nightstand to the other side of the room. It was somewhat tough, unwelcome love, but it got the job done. As adults, we don’t have parents to prod us out of bed, but I Can’t Wake Up! is an amazingly competent surrogate for an unsympathetic parent.

When the app’s alarm goes off, you can be subjected to an array of increasingly difficult challenges (you set the difficulty, thank God). Only upon your successful completion will your alarm stop ringing. At that point, screw it, you’re up, right? Which is all part of the utility of this evil little app.

As noted in this Lifehacker review of the product, the alarm starts gently, and you go to work on a puzzle. But if you slack off and fail to keep up with the puzzle, the alarm gets louder, your life becomes terrible, and there’s no escape because the thing won’t shut off.

Here’s a video showing the seemingly incomprehensible puzzles required to turn the alarm off:

The variety of puzzles includes iterations as simple as “touch this button, then this one, then that one, etc.” and as complex as memory games of various scales, the more difficult of which ensure you’ve cannibalized 90 percent of your day’s brainpower before brushing your teeth.

Here’s are photos of the app’s tests to ensure you’re really, for sure going to get out of bed:

You can set it to ask you in five minutes if you’re REALLY awake, even when you completed their Saw-like games. If you don’t respond, the alarm kicks in again—with a new puzzle.

Maybe you can just reboot your phone, right? Nope. There’s a setting that checks for “active” alarms upon reboot, so when your phone starts back up, so, too, does your alarm.

But those measures all come in a distant second to the barcode feature. When the alarm goes off, the only way to silence it is to scan a previously uploaded barcode with your phone. It could be a shampoo bottle, the back of a box of Cream of Wheat, last August’s issue of Cat Fancy … whatever.

If you can sleep through this thing … see a doctor. It might not make you any happier in the morning, but if you have a clinical compulsion to hit the snooze button … there’s an app for that. An evil, merciless app.

via Collection of the New-York Historical Society / Wikimedia Commons

Fredrick Douglass was born into slavery in 1818. At the age of 10 he was given to the Auld family.

As a child, he worked as a house slave and was able to learn to read and write, and he attempted to teach his fellow slaves the same skills.

At the age of 15, he was given to Thomas Auld, a cruel man who beat and starved his slaves and thwarted any opportunity for them to practice their faith or to learn to read or write.

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via Thomas Ledia / Wikimedia Commons

On April 20, 1889 at the Braunau am Inn, in Upper Austria Salzburger located at Vorstadt 15, Alois and Klara Hitler brought a son into the world. They named him Adolph.

Little did they know he would grow up to be one of the greatest forces of evil the world has ever known.

The Hitlers moved out of the Braunau am Inn when Adolph was three, but the three-story butter-colored building still stands. It has been the subject of controversy for seven decades.

via Thomas Ledia / Wikimedia Commons

The building was a meeting place for Nazi loyalists in the 1930s and '40s. After World War II, the building has become an informal pilgrimage site for neo-Nazis and veterans to glorify the murderous dictator.

The building was a thorn in the side to local government and residents to say the least.

RELATED: He photographed Nazi atrocities and buried the negatives. The unearthed images are unforgettable.

For years it was owned by Gerlinde Pommer, a descendant of the original owners. The Austrian government made numerous attempts to purchase it from her, but to no avail. The building has served many purposes, a school, a library, and a makeshift museum.

In 1989, a stone from the building was inscribed with:

"For Peace, Freedom

and Democracy.

Never Again Fascism.

Millions of Dead Remind [us]."

via Jo Oh / Wikimedia Commons

For three decades it was home to an organization that offered support and integration assistance for disabled people. But in 2011, the organization vacated the property because Pommer refused to bring it up to code.

RELATED: 'High Castle' producers destroyed every swastika used on the show and the video is oh-so satisfying

In 2017, the fight between the government and Pommer ended with it seizing the property. Authorities said it would get a "thorough architectural remodeling is necessary to permanently prevent the recognition and the symbolism of the building."

Now, the government intends to turn it into a police station which will surely deter any neo-Nazis from hanging around the building.

Austria has strict anti-Nazi laws that aim to prohibit any potential Nazi revival. The laws state that anyone who denies, belittles, condones or tries to justify the Nazi genocide or other Nazi crimes against humanity shall be punished with imprisonment for one year up to ten years.

In Austria the anti-Nazi laws are so strict one can go to prison for making the Nazi hand salute or saying "Heil Hitler."

"The future use of the house by the police should send an unmistakable signal that the role of this building as a memorial to the Nazis has been permanently revoked," Austria's IInterior Minister, Wolfgang Peschorn said in a statement.

The house is set to be redesigned following an international architectural competition.

via Chela Horsdal / Twitter

Amazon's "The Man in the High Castle" debuted the first episode of its final season last week.

The show is loosely based on an alternative history novel by Philip K. Dick that postulates what would happen if Nazi Germany and the Empire of Japan controlled the United States after being victorious in World War II.

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via Mike Mozart / Flickr

Chick-fil-A is the third-largest fast food chain in America, behind McDonald's and Starbucks, raking in over $10 billion a year.

But for years, the company has faced boycotts for supporting anti-LGBT charities, including the Salvation Army, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and the Paul Anderson Youth Home.

The Salvation Army faced criticism after a leader in the organization implied that gay people "deserve to die" and the company also came under fire after refusing to offer same-sex couples health insurance. But the organization swears it's evolving on such issues.

via Thomas Hawk / Flickr

The Fellowship of Christian Athletes explicitly announced it was anti gay marriage in a recent "Statement of Faith."

God instituted marriage between one man and one woman as the foundation of the family and the basic structure of human society. For this reason, we believe that marriage is exclusively the union of one man and one woman.

The Paul Anderson Youth Home teaches boys that homosexuality is wrong and that same-sex marriage is "rage against Jesus Christ and His values."

RELATED: The 1975's singer bravely kissed a man at a Dubai concert to protest anti-LGBT oppression

In 2012, Chick-fil-A's CEO, Dan Cathy, made anti same-sex marriage comments on a radio broadcast:

I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, "We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage". I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.

But the chicken giant has now decided to change it's says its charitable donation strategy because it's bad for business...Not because being homophobic is wrong.

The company recently lost several bids to provide concessions in U.S. airports. A pop-up shop in England was told it would not be renewed after eight days following LGBTQ protests.

Chick-fil-A also has plans to expand to Boston, Massachusetts where its mayor, Thomas Menino, pledged to ban the restaurant from the city.

via Wikimedia Commons

"There's no question we know that, as we go into new markets, we need to be clear about who we are," Chick-fil-A President and Chief Operating Officer Tim Tassopoulos told Bisnow. "There are lots of articles and newscasts about Chick-fil-A, and we thought we needed to be clear about our message."

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Instead, the Chick-fil-A Foundation plans to give $9 million to organizations that support education and fight homelessness. Which is commendable regardless of the company's troubled past.

"If Chick-Fil-A is serious about their pledge to stop holding hands with divisive anti-LGBTQ activists, then further transparency is needed regarding their deep ties to organizations like Focus on the Family, which exist purely to harm LGBTQ people and families," Drew Anderson, GLAAD's director of campaigns and rapid response, said in a statement.

Chick-fil-A's decision to back down from contributing to anti-LGBT charities shows the power that people have to fight back against companies by hitting them where it really hurts — the pocket book.

The question remains: If you previously avoided Chick-fil-A because it supported anti-LGBT organizations, is it now OK to eat there? Especially when Popeye's chicken sandwich is so good people will kill for it?


Oh, irony. You are having quite a day.

The Italian region of Veneto, which includes the city of Venice, is currently experiencing historic flooding. Venice Mayor Luigi Brugnaro has stated that the flooding is a direct result of climate change, with the tide measuring the highest level in 50 years. The city (which is actually a collection of 100 islands in a lagoon—hence its famous canal streets), is no stranger to regular flooding, but is currently on the brink of declaring a state of emergency as waters refuse to recede.

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