Save the Earth with Dirty Towels

"Welcome to the Welton Inn. To make ice, fill your ice bucket with water and wait for winter."

[image id="529428" position="standard"]

"Save our planet! Every day tons of detergent and millions of gallons of water are used to wash towels that have been used only once. PLEASE DECIDE FOR YOURSELF. A towel on the rack means, ‘I'll use it again.' A towel on the floor or in the tub means, ‘please exchange.'"-MESSAGE IN A HOTEL BATHROOMWith this letter, we welcome you to the Welton Inn, the world's first sustainable eco-motel! At the Welton, you will be an honored guest as well as our partner in the fight against environmental degradation!Many perceptive guests inquire about our lack of a parking lot. Every year, millions of acres of natural land are paved over to make room for cars. We are committed to fighting this. Please decide for yourself: Simply give up your car altogether, or park at the Bennigan's across the street. (The hostess can't see you if you park in the back.)As you walk into the Welton, you will enter our dramatic lobby, with its environmental theme and odors. You will be delighted to encounter our "Sustaina-Kennel," where we play temporary host to actual creatures from the native ecosystem, such as German shepherds and a lively ferret. Don't worry, their cages are made of biodegradable plastic! And every Thursday, we allow the dogs to stretch their legs in the Bennigan's parking lot-please join us as our guest!Do not approach the ferret.Kindly take our gleaming silver elevator to your floor. But wait-have you considered an aerobic walk up the stairs instead? Did you know that, for a machine to lift two people and their luggage up four floors, it requires 15 watts of energy? This is energy that otherwise might have gone toward life-support systems for children in African hospitals. Whichever option better suits your personal preference is the one we support!\n\n\n
To make ice, fill your ice bucket with water and wait for winter.
Your room is fully appointed with distinctive eco-contemporary flair. Your pulse will quicken as you spy the queen-size mattress with Egyptian polyester sheets. It is the ideal oasis after a hard day's work! And we are proud to announce that we have launched a program called Dirty Sheets for the Earth, and we invite you to participate! Every month, we waste many cups of detergent and hundreds of gallons of water in order to wash sheets that have been slept on by only 14 guests. We believe this is tragic. If you wish to join us in this crusade, simply wrap yourself in the complimentary Saran Wrap before going to bed at night.The Saran Wrap is offered as part of our Dirty Plastic Wrap for the Earth program. Stand with us!As you explore your room, you'll notice the exquisite faux-plywood armoire. Inside it is a fully stocked minibar, filled with a natural harvest of tasty and exotic treats such as Skittles and Peeps, as well as more than 20 tiny bottles of Popov vodka. The minibar is a 100-percent organic appliance, by the way-just add ice to cool down your goodies! To make ice, fill your ice bucket with water and wait for winter.But might we urge you not to drink the vodka? As you may know, thousands of potatoes are needlessly slaughtered every day, and where will it end? Please decide for yourself: Leaving a fully stocked minibar for the next guest means, "I oppose tubercide." Passing out with 20 empty bottles of Popov vodka scattered around you means, "Please take my wallet."Checkout is a breeze at the Welton! As part of our commitment to preserving the rainforests, we do not print bills as a record of your stay here. Instead, simply accept our assurances that your credit card will be charged appropriately. Our word is our bond, and you can cancel the resulting adult website subscriptions at any time.When you're ready to depart the eco-motel, simply slide your room key under the door in the lobby marked "Private." Then, leave your minibar Peeps for one of the dogs (please decide for yourself) and move quickly toward the exit.Do not look at the ferret.Thank you for being our guest-and for helping to make the world a better place for your grandchildren and ours! If you find that you've been towed from Bennigan's, maybe it's a hint that you should be reducing your carbon footprint.
via Barry Schapiro / Twitter

The phrase "stay in your lane" is usually lobbed at celebrities who talk about politics on Twitter by people who disagree with them. People in the sports world will often get a "stick to sports" when they try to have an opinion that lies outside of the field of play.

Keep Reading

The Free the Nipple movement is trying to remove the stigma on women's breasts by making it culturally acceptable and legal for women to go topless in public. But it turns out, Free the Nipple might be fighting on the wrong front and should be focusing on freeing the nipple in a place you'd never expect. Your own home.

A woman in Utah is facing criminal charges for not wearing a shirt in her house, with prosecutors arguing that women's chests are culturally considered lewd.

Keep Reading

In August, the Recording Academy hired their first female CEO, Deborah Dugan. Ten days before the Grammys, Dugan was placed on administrative leave for misconduct allegations after a female employee said Dugan was "abusive" and created a "toxic and intolerable" work environment. However, Dugan says she was actually removed from her position for complaining to human resources about sexual harassment, pay disparities, and conflicts of interest in the award show's nomination process.

Just five days before the Grammys, Dugan filed a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and her claims are many. Dugan says she was paid less than former CEO Neil Portnow. In 2018, Portnow received criticism for saying women need to "step up" when only two female acts won Grammys. Portnow decided to not renew his contract shortly after. Dugan says she was also asked to hire Portnow as a consultant for $750,000 a year, which she refused to do.

Keep Reading