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This Is Why We Don't Say Global Warming...

Because it's Frickin' Cold. Or, What To Tell Your Crazy Uncle When He Says: "Guess This Cold Means Global Warming Isn't Happening." Here at...

Because it's Frickin' Cold. Or, What To Tell Your Crazy Uncle When He Says: "Guess This Cold Means Global Warming Isn't Happening."Here at GOOD, we make a special effort to never refer to the horrible things happening to our climate as "global warming." This is because what we used to call "global warming" doesn't just mean the globe is warming up, though those few naysayers out there (we're looking at you, Matt Drudge) always get to crow to themselves when it is in fact colder than it's supposed to be. But that's the same thing. (Here is how cold it is now, but you really shouldn't be thinking about wind chill, though that's a different story.)For the younger people out there, we used to have things called seasons. In the winter, it was cold and it snowed, and it was cold every day. In the summer, it was warm, and it was warm every day. We called these predictable weather patterns the "climate." It was things like this that allowed farmers to predict when to plant their crops, and other old timey things like that. What is happening now, due to all the carbon in the atmosphere, is that weather patterns are becoming crazy and unpredictable. In the summer, this may manifest itself by excessive heat, but apparently in the winter this means that some days you will be able to wear a T-shirt in December in New England (this is disturbing in and of itself) and then just the next day, a massive ice storm will leave you and 200,000 of your neighbors without power. I'm no meteorologist-and the weather is always unpredictable, sure-but give me a break. Back in the old days, it was cold when it was supposed to be cold, and warm when it was supposed to be warm, and men were men, and so on. Also, please refer to the horrible Jake Gyllenhaal vehicle in which global warming causes most of the planet to be freezing cold and wolves to come into New York City and eat people until Dennis Quaid saves you. That was "global warming," too.So, ditch the "global warming." Here's the bottom line: Parts are warming up, parts are cooling down, but neither is doing what it's supposed to do on any given day, and that is dangerous. We're calling it climate change now, because the climate is out of control.

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