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Newt Gingrich

The gist: "Some people say the America we know and love is a thing of the past." Gingrich begs to differ. He takes us through a steel factory, a countryside church, a cowboy roundup, and various scenes of content white people showing us what could be. Luscious shots of hill and dale are bolstered by inspirational Lord of the Rings music.

The theory: Americans miss the past. Newt Gingrich will jog their nostalgia.

The money shot: A slow-mo, gladiator-esque shot of a weathered hand caressing golden wheat stalks.

The verdict: Quaint, vague, and mildly amusing—sorta like Gingrich himself.

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