7 steps to break free of codependency and build a healthier relationship—with your pet

“Why loving your pet too much is hurting you.”

By

Mark Wales

Jul 25, 2025

By Mark Wales

July 25, 2025

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Photo credit: Image via Canva – Photo by annakraynova – Family picture in need of a reframing.

Learning how to build healthy relationships with our partners, friends, family, and communities is all part of the life-learning curve. There’s the added bonus for some of us in becoming an animal guardian. Successful pet parenting is more than being a kind and involved owner. It’s also setting healthy boundaries which can be a bit difficult for a co-dependent person. (If you’re on high alert from the word “pet” instead of “family member,” this article is perfect for you.)

Relationships have to be one of the most complicated parts of the human experience. It starts off simple with learning to share a plastic, yellow pale with another child in the sand box. It evolves into conflict mastery and relational awareness.

With our pets, however, our relationships are not on equal footing. We are in an ownership role with our pets, meaning the relationship has a different balance of power and influence. We feed them, give them a place to stay, arrange their lives around our schedules, and overall take care of them much like a parent does a child. When in that position, it can be dangerous to depend too heavily on the party that has no authority, power, or influence because, well, it’s an animal.

friendship, companionship, dogs, hugs, woman, pet owner, family pets — Dog and womanu00a0hug. Image via Canva – Photo by Harbucks

If you find yourself in a co-dependent relationship with your pet, don’t worry. There are ways to reverse the dynamic. Here are seven changes to make to cope with codependency and build a healthier relationship with your pet.

1) Understand the issue

emotional reliance, issues, behavior, humans, emotions, relationships, problems

Psychology Today describes codependency as “relationship addiction” and lists the following behaviors as tell-tale signs that your attachment to another being is unhealthy:

Difficulty setting boundaries,
Prioritizing others over self,
Fear of rejection or abandonment,
Low self-esteem,
Caretaker mentality,
Difficulty identifying your own emotions,
Anxiety in relationships

These are pretty clear cut with another human, but how does that relate to your pets? Here’s a list of some inner dialogue or comments to match the behaviors that might suggest a problem:

“That couch is for Lucy. She gets mad if anyone else sits on it so stay off it.”
“I can’t make your baby shower on Saturday because Rose my hamster needs checkup.”
“Why doesn’t Patches want to cuddle me now?”
“I only walk Steve five times a day. I’m a horrible owner.”
“I know Cindy is a hermit crab, but she gets lonely. I can’t leave her.”
“I only spent $200 on that dog bed, what’s the big deal?”

If any of these statements sound like you, you might be a codependent pet parent, which can be dangerous for a handful of reasons. According to Parade, pet behaviorists highlight the following problematic outcomes of codependency with your pet:

Your pet never learns how to be alone and won’t be used to it if you have to be away for the day or night.
Your pet will develop poor behaviors because you “can’t” discipline them out of guilt. Basic training is totally lost.
Your relationship can become disruptive to others when you insist on bringing your animal to busy restaurants, on public transportation, into stores, or along with you on dates or hangouts with friends.

2) Set clear boundaries

boundaries, healthy ownership, trauma pets, healing pets, behavior issues, separation anxiety — Animated, media2.giphy.com

Bear Hugs offers advice for setting boundaries that work for the pet and for you. Offering a family companion a cozy spot of their own can also mean having areas that are pet free like the bed or the couch. Pets have their own blankets so they don’t use your clothes or bed spread. Maybe the family dog doesn’t need their own chair at the dinner table. These aren’t absolutes, but suggestions that most people can understand the reasoning behind.

You’re allowed to watch your favorite TV show while the pet lays down for a minute. You don’t have to pet the pet every waking moment. It can wait until you have time to give it the love and attention it deserves.

3) Establish a routine

routines, pet-free time, self-care, owner habits, pet detachment, stress, security — Kitty cat, media1.giphy.com

You set the routine, not your pet. If you walk them, have a consistent time. Meals can be scheduled as well as play time. There can be exercise time, quiet time, and grooming time. Animals are happy to learn a pattern of events to which they will look forward. Petspiration writes, “Animals, much like humans, can experience anxiety and stress when faced with unpredictability. A consistent routine provides a sense of security for pets, allowing them to relax and feel safe in their environment.”

These behaviors will work well for your pet and for you. Knowing and sticking to the routine can free up your mental space to focus on your own wants and needs.

4) Focus on your own needs

perspective, Michael Jordan, empathy, hope, solutions, actions, emotional lives — Michael Jordan, media2.giphy.com

This might feel crazy simple or extremely challenging, depending on your perspective. Sometimes the best actions we can take for ourselves are ones we don’t want to or don’t think to do. Psychology Today shares that lack of social connection can be more dangerous to your health than obesity, lack of exercise, and smoking. These feelings can drive us to our pets instead of human interaction.

Pets are amazing support in our lives. However, a pet cannot give advice. A pet cannot understand work stress or family dynamic challenges. Humans can empathize with our situations and offer experience and hope for solution. Hug your pet. Love your pet. Get help from friends and professionals.

5) Seek support

friendship, pandemic, overly attached, healing pets, psychotherapy, coaching, healing, self-help — We can help each other. media1.giphy.com

Maybe you’re a bit embarrassed about how attached you are to your pet, but you’re not alone. Lots of people develop codependent relationships with their animals, which means there are people out there who know exactly what you’re going through. Seeking a support group can offer encouragement and foster positive change in your life. In a 2021 Camp Bow Wow blog, writer Erin Askeland, CBCC-KA, CPDT-KA cites a report titled “Better Cities for Pets Program Report: ‘Pets in a Pandemic’” which found that after the pandemic, “75% of pet owners feel anxiety about having to leave their pet to return to “normal” or go back to the office, travel, etc. and 78% of pet owners are worried about their pet’s anxiety or confusion over their owner returning to work or leaving them alone.”

This is a real problem for people and their pets. Seeking support is a great way to tackle and solve it.

6) Avoid anthropomorphism

anthropomorphism, pet emotions, projection, humanizing pets, false emotions, empathy bias, owner bias, emotion attribtuion — A bluegrass dog band. media1.giphy.com

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, anthropomorphism is “an interpretation of what is not human or personal in terms of human or personal characteristics: humanization.” Within this scenario of owner and pet, it means giving human characteristics and emotions to your household animal.

Knowing exactly what your dog is feeling can be difficult. The misreading of cues can put the animals and people at risk. In a 2023 study entitled “Owner’s Beliefs regarding the Emotional Capabilities of Their Dogs and Cats,” The National Library of Medicine writes,

“For example, the reported sources of behavioral cues for detecting guilt/shame in dogs were ‘head posture’, ‘body posture’, and ‘eye contact’, with the most likely scenario being a dog that is holding its head low, contracting its body and avoiding eye contact. In fact, these behaviors are typically associated with a fearful, deferent, or submissive dog, and so scolding the dog when he exhibits these behaviors may exacerbate the dog’s fear/anxiety and have a negative impact on its welfare. Humanization can also increase the risk to humans, as it increases the likelihood of people ignoring signs of discomfort or putting their dog in situations they cannot cope with, believing that their dog would never hurt them.”

7) Celebrate the small wins

celebration, small wins, personal growth, resilience, milestones, goal setting, achievement recognition, positive reinforcement — Celebrating with a happy dance. media0.giphy.com

The healing process can often be slow and difficult. Codependency is a very emotional experience that often wraps itself in the roots of self-esteem. It takes time to rewire habits and build self-worth when navigating feelings of shame and inner criticism. In her blog, “The Importance of Celebrating Small Wins During Trauma Recovery,” Gabriele Hilberg, a psychotherapist and international seminar leader writes, “Celebrating small wins isn’t about pretending everything is okay; it’s about honoring your effort, resilience, and growth, one step at a time.”

Every pet deserves an owner who truly loves them and dedicates a portion of their lives to make them happy. Pets give us so much genuine love and comfort back, after all. However, it’s important that we recognize a balance in the relationship. We don’t have to make an amazing experience one that completely wears us out.

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Photo credit: Leigh Prather/Shutterstock.com – Dogs often react with great fear to July 4th celebrations. Border collies such as this dog are especially sensitive to loud noises.

Health, Well-being

Every dog has its day, but it’s not the Fourth of July

How to protect anxious pups from holiday booms.

Good Partner

6/25/2026
Christine Calder

The Fourth of July can be a miserable day for dogs. The fireworks make scaredy-cats out of many canines.

That’s because dogs, like humans, are hardwired to be afraid of sudden, loud noises. It is what keeps them safe. Some dogs, though, take that fear to the extreme with panting, howling, pacing, whining, hiding, trembling and even self-injury or escape. And, unlike humans, they don’t know that the fanfare on the Fourth is not a threat. Dogs hear the fireworks and process it as if their world is under siege.

How a dog responds to noises may be influenced by breed, with German shepherd dogs more likely to pace, while border collies or Australian cattle dogs are more likely to show their fear by hiding.

While we veterinarians don’t know exactly why some dogs are afraid of fireworks and others not, many dogs that react to one noise often react to others. Therefore, early intervention and treatment are essential in protecting the welfare of these terrified dogs. Here’s how you can protect your dog from fireworks.
- Take your pet to the vet. If your dog is afraid of fireworks, the first step is to have your veterinarian evaluate him or her, especially if your dog’s noise sensitivity is relatively new. One 2018 study found a link between pain and noise sensitivities in older dogs, indicating that muscle tension or sudden movements in response to a loud noise may aggravate a tender area on the body and thus create an association between the loud noise and pain, causing fear of that particular noise to develop or escalate.
- Create a “safe haven” in your home with a secure door or gate, preferably away from outside windows or doors. Close the blinds or curtains to reduce outside noises, and play some classical music to help reduce stress by creating a relaxing environment for your dog during the show. A white noise machine or box fan may also help reduce anxiety, along with a pheromone like Adaptil sprayed on bedding, a bandanna, a collar or from a diffuser plugged into the wall.
- Consider noise-canceling headphones such as Mutt Muffs to muffle the sounds and further reduce noise sensitivities.
- Find a food your pet will love. This could be cut pieces of boiled chicken or squeeze cheese. Sit with your pet and feed him with each boom. You can also use a long-lasting food-dispensing or puzzle toy to release food continuously during the show. This is to help your dog make a positive association with the noises for the future.
- Consider anxiety wraps, fabric wraps that exert a gentle pressure on your dog’s body. These may help to lower heart rate and other clinical signs of fear and anxiety, operating on the belief that they swaddle a scared animal and thus calm its fears. These work best, however, in conjunction with a complete behavior treatment plan including medication or behavior modification, or both.
- When it comes to comforting your dog, the jury is still out. It is difficult, however, to reinforce an emotional response with comfort. Therefore, it is OK to pet your dog when frightened by a noise event so long as the dog appears to be comforted and not more distressed by the attention.
This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.
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Photo credit: Alex Cofaru/Shutterstock.com – A girl in a field of flowers.

Health, Well-being

Pollen is getting worse, but you can make things better with these tips from an allergist

Simple steps can ease spring allergy misery

Good Partner

6/25/2026
Kara Wada

Blooming flowers signal the beginning of spring, but for millions of people, they also signal the onset of the misery: allergy and asthma season. Itchy, watery eyes; sneezing, runny nose; cough and wheezing are triggered by an overreaction of the body to pollen.

Every spring, trees and grasses release billions of buoyant pollen granules into the air, using the wind to disperse across the countryside in an effort to reproduce. It’s all about survival; plants that release more pollen have the survival advantage.

As an adult and pediatric allergist-immunologist in the Midwest, the onset of spring signals my busy season treating hundreds of patients for their seasonal allergy and asthma symptoms. If you suffer through the season, know that you are not alone. Throughout history, pollen has taken the fun out of spring for many. In modern times, however, medical science has identified practices and treatments that help.

Older than the dinosaurs, as wide as the world

Fossilized specimens of pollen granules have been found predating dinosaurs and alongside Neanderthals.

And, sinus and asthma symptoms and treatments are documented throughout history and across the globe. People just didn’t know exactly how to treat the symptoms, or exactly what was causing them.

For example, over 5,000 years ago, the Chinese used the berries of the horse tail plant, ma huang (Ephedra distachya), to relieve congestion and decrease mucous production associated with “plant fever” – a condition affecting people during the fall.

In Egypt, the “Papyrus Ebers,” written around 1650 B.C., recommended over 20 treatments for cough or difficulty breathing, including honey, dates, juniper and beer.

Although Homer’s “Iliad” describes the loud noise of breathing in battle as “asthma,” Aretaeus of Cappadocia of the second century A.D. is credited with the first clinical description more consistent with modern understanding of this condition. He wrote of those who suffered that:

“They open the mouth since no house is sufficient for their respiration, they breathily standing, as if desiring to draw in all the air which they possibly can inhale… the neck swells with the inflation of the breath, the precordia (chest wall) retracted, the pulse becomes small and dense,” and if the symptoms persist, the patient “may produce suffocation after the form of epilepsy.”

Tobacco leaves were exported to Europe for experimentation in treating the symptoms of spring time coughing and sneezing. Jeep 2499/Shutterstock.com

By the time Columbus landed, indigenous populations in Central and South American were utilizing ipecacuanha, a root found in Brazil with expectorant and emetic properties and balsam, which is still used in some cold remedies today. Coca and tobacco leaves, used medicinally by the Incas, were later exported to Europe for additional experimentation for the treatment of rhinitis and asthma.

Aside from the “plant fever” described in China, the first written description of seasonal respiratory symptoms is credited to Rhazes, a Persian scholar, around 900 A.D. He described the nasal congestion that coincided with the blooming of roses, termed “rose fever.”

Symptoms noticed, but no cause identified

As scientific advancement was stifled during the Middle Ages, in large part due to the plague, it wasn’t until 900 years later, in 1819, that Dr. John Bostock published a description of his own seasonal allergies. But he didn’t know what was causing them.

Having suffered from “summer catarrh” since childhood, Bostock persisted in his study of the condition, despite an initial lackluster response from the medical community.

In the nine years between his first and second publications, he found only 28 additional cases consistent with his own seasonal allergy symptoms, which perhaps demonstrates the lower prevalence of the condition at the time. He noted that nobility and the privileged classes were more often afflicted by seasonal allergies. This was thought to be the consequence of wealth, culture and an indoor life.

Societal changes with their roots in the Industrial Revolution, including increased exposure to air pollution, less time spent outdoors, increased pollen counts and improved hygiene, all likely contributed to the increased prevalence of allergies that we continue to see today. They also helped form the hygiene hypothesis, which states that in part decreased exposure to particular bacteria and infections could be leading to the increase in allergic and autoimmune diseases.

The source of seasonal symptoms at the time was also thought to be caused by the smell of new hay. This led to the coining of the term “hay fever.”

Bostock instead suspected the recurring symptoms were triggered by the summer heat, since his symptoms improved when he spent the summer on the coast. It would later became common for nobility and aristocrats to spend allergy season in coastal or mountain resorts to avoid bothersome symptoms.

Identifying the true culprit

Through methodical study and self-experimentation, Dr. Charles Blackley identified that pollen was to blame for allergy symptoms. He collected, identified, and described various pollens and then determined their allergic properties by rubbing them into his eyes or scratching them on his skin. He then noted which ones resulted in redness and itching. This same technique is used in skin prick testing by allergists today.

Inspired by discoveries related to vaccination, Dr. Leonard Noon and John Freeman prepared doses of pollen extracts for injection in an effort to desensitize patients with allergic rhinitis in the early 1900s. This effective treatment, called allergy immunotherapy, also known as allergy shots, is still used today.

Antihistamines first became available in the 1940s, but they caused significant sedation. The formulations with fewer side effects that are used today have only been available since the 1980s.

Pollen counts likely to grow

Pollen on a street in Atlanta, March 31, 2019. Lynne Anderson, CC BY-SA

Though recognized by ancient civilizations, seasonal allergic rhinitis and allergic asthma have only increased in prevalence in recent history and are on the rise, now affecting 10 to 30 percent of the world’s population.

Fueled by warmer temperatures and increased carbon dioxide levels, pollen seasons are longer, and pollen counts are higher. Many experts believe this will worsen in the coming years due in large part to climate change.

To keep you and your loved ones safe from pollen, close windows and change out of clothes exposed to pollen as soon as you come indoors. Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock.com

What can you do? Often, those who are allergic need a multifaceted approach.
- Find out what allergens are causing your symptoms. Take note of when your symptoms start by making a note in a calendar or planner.
- Minimize exposure to allergens. Track pollen counts. When pollen counts are high, keep the windows closed at home and in the car. After spending time outdoors, shower and change clothing to prevent ongoing exposure to pollen.
- Take a pro-active approach to treating symptoms. Starting medications before symptoms develop can prevent symptoms from getting out of control. This can also decrease the amount of medication needed overall. Long acting non-sedating antihistamines are helpful for itching and sneezing. Nasal corticosteroid sprays are more helpful for stuffy noses.
- Consider a visit to see a board certified allergist/immunologist. She or he can help you determine which particular pollens maybe the source of your symptoms.
- Explore the role of immunotherapy with your doctor. Immunotherapy changes the immune response through administration of small regimented doses of allergens over time. This induces a state of tolerance, eventually helping people become less allergic over time.
While pollen season is coming, taking a multifaceted approach can provide much needed relief from the symptoms that have plagued humankind throughout the millennia.

This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read it here.
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Photo credit: Canva – 3D printing can help dental patients.

Care, Health

22-year-old gives out toothy smiles by providing free 3D-printed dentures to those in need

He could make dentures within a day.

Erik Barnes

6/25/2026

Much like anything else, the cost of dental care has risen as need grows. A report from the American Dental Association found that, in 2024, dental spending grew by $7 billion from 2023. A young engineer is making a difference, though. He has helped put a smile back on the faces of folks in need by providing free dentures made with 3D printers.

Connor Gibson isn’t a dentist or even an expert on 3D printers. He’s a Tennessee community college student who wants to help people. While studying engineering at Walters State Community College, Gibson volunteered with Remote Area Medical (RAM). RAM is a nonprofit that provides mobile clinics offering free medical, vision, and dental care through volunteers.

An issue that bites

A common issue the clinics found was that many people needed dentures. The cost of dentures can be very pricey, ranging from $452 dollars to over $6,500 depending on the patient’s needs and their insurance coverage. Another issue was availability. Even if a patient could afford dentures, it could take weeks or even months before they could be delivered.

But Gibson had an idea. He thought that if he could 3D print pairs of dentures, it would save money and time. After all, having a 3D printer on-site would allow the dentures to be made within hours rather than weeks. A patient could get a free set of dentures the same day as their visit.

Great idea…but how?

There was a setback: Gibson had no experience in dentistry or 3D printing at all. In spite of his inexperience, Gibson used his engineering and design skills to teach himself how to use a 3D printer. He also got dental experts to teach him how to make dentures the old fashioned way. This way, he was sure to accurately recreate every detail via 3D printing. After taking an impression, Gibson was then able to design specific dentures per patient.

“Honestly, if you told me three years ago this is what I would be doing, I would have called you crazy,” Gibson said to CNN. “I made it my mission and studied up like I was doing a test, studying up on videos and documents — anything I could find on how to make a denture using this specific software and how to 3D print it.”

After Gibson successfully completed a pair of 3D-printed dentures for the first time, he knew it was something special. Seeing the tears of joy on the patient’s face was enough to confirm he was doing the right thing.

“That first delivery was really a huge eureka moment,” Gibson said. “To see that raw, human emotion and just know that I played a change in this person’s life… it’s very humbling, and I’m beyond blessed.”

Gibson has since been helping RAM develop more denture mobile clinics that can quickly develop dentures for patients who drop in.

How to find low-cost dental care near you

If you or someone you know needs low-cost to free dental care, there are options. In addition to Medicare, Medicaid, and CHIP, you can find local and state programs online. You can also dial 2-1-1 for information.

Another option dental schools and dental hygiene schools that provide supervised, low-cost care from their students.

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