If You Sell A Gaudy Computer Keyboard For $1,000 On Amazon, You’re Going To Get This Type Of Response

You know how sometimes you’re typing and you realize that life would be better if you had dropped a grand on a handcrafted brass computer keyboard?

Yeah, well, Amazon users don’t get that feeling either. They’re using the site’s product reviews to slam this extravagant device that exists only for those residing in the very small Venn diagram overlap of “lottery winners” and “steampunk enthusiasts.”

There’s so much nonsense for sale in a crowded marketplace like Amazon that it’s always fun to see which select unlucky product draws the ire of the masses. In this instance, it’s the Sojourner Keyboard, selling for $1,000, unavailable for Prime, with an additional $15 levied against the pitiful purchaser just to have the item shipped to them.

Maybe you’re one of those people who doesn’t know how much things cost. That’s fine. Amazon has a helpful chart to show you what the prices and features are of comparable keyboards occupying the consumer landscape:

Amazon

Color? Brass. Weight? Seven damn pounds. That’s as much as a gallon of water. Hope your desk has some aftermarket load bearing components installed.

So the price is ridiculous, the weight is insane, and the entire concept of a tastelessly anachronistic brass keyboard for a computer is so terrible it would make the folks at SkyMall blush.

But what probably solidified the internet’s bullseye on this particular product page is the description, which is every bit as misguided and delusional as the person who would probably buy the Sojourner Keyboard.

The party selling the item, Datamancer describes the Sojourner thusly:

Looking as though it has traveled the world in the backpack of an intrepid explorer, the Sojourner is crafted in polished brass, then artificially tarnished. This keyboard is reminiscent of an earlier era, when beauty and technology went hand-in-hand. Featuring a unique parchment Elizabethan typeface that befits the overall aesthetic of the keyboard.

That’s a pretty dense package of nonsense, so break it down into parts. Read a few words. Go for a walk. Take a Xanax. Read a few more. Visit a museum. Etc.

It seems that many Amazon users (or at least the type to leave snarky product reviews) aren’t really in the market for a $1,000 keyboard with a backstory that boasts an precolonial typeface, and they’re letting the seller know in time-tested fashion – fake product reviews:

Amazon

Amazon

Amazon

Amazon

Amazon

Amazon

All snark aside, if you could afford it, this would be a pretty awesome gag gift to give to someone. Could you imagine the puzzled look on their face when they opened this up on Christmas morning?

Amazon

Well...shit.