Donald Trump’s Board Game Corrupted Me In Under An Hour

Welcome to the first GOOD Family Game Night, hosted by America’s most arrogant orange peel

Walking around Los Angeles carrying a box printed with Donald Trump’s face incites many questions and raised eyebrows. I learned this while walking to the pizza place across the street from GOOD’s office to play Trump: The Game, an underperforming Milton Bradley release from 1989, with my co-workers Kate, Tasbeeh, and Jon. We didn’t even make it out of the building before someone from the 11th floor questioned our motives.

The game, best described as a dumbed-down, Monopoly-knockoff, entered this cold world riding the coattails of Trump’s first book, 1987’s The Art of the Deal. Designer Jeffrey Breslow pitched the idea for a board game to Trump in his office at Trump Tower in 1988. The current Republican presidential candidate reportedly cut Breslow off before he could even finish explaining the game’s concept, saying, “I like it—what’s next?”

Next, Parker Brothers rejected the game, then Milton Bradley bought the rights and promoted it with a commercial featuring Trump attempting to sit seductively on a desk. Trump predicted it would sell 2 million units and bring in $20 million, which he promised to donate to charity. Hasbro discontinued the game in 1990 after selling just 800,000 copies—though Parker Brothers rereleased the game in 2004 in an attempt to capitalize on the success of “The Apprentice.”

In 2016, an original copy was found collecting dust in Jon’s mom’s basement in Connecticut. After receiving this copy in the mail, GOOD played the game over beer, wine, and chicken tenders, in an attempt to find something nice to say about America’s most offensive Muppet.

Before playing, I asked my colleagues how America currently made them feel. Here are their responses:

- Tasbeeh: “It makes me feel sad and angry and scared.”

- Kate: “I feel like we ended up in a really shitty alternate universe.”

- Jon: “I feel that we’re simultaneously close to being in great shape and just burning in hell.”

The game consists of two phases. In the first phase, players take turns drawing “Trump cards,” rolling a die (with a “T” printed on the side normally reserved for the number six) and moving T-shaped pieces around the board. When you land on a property space, you pay rent. You can also land on “sale” spaces, which open up a bidding process for unowned properties. Each player starts with $400 million in bills that feature Trump’s face.

All four players reported that this first phase was boring. To make the purchasing process more interesting, some Trump cards offer the ability to include outside investment, boot someone from bidding, or rejoin the bidding after being booted. GOOD players auctioned most of the properties without much of a fight, although there was a battle over the “Tropical Island” property, which this writer mistakenly thought was a “Tropical Land” theme park until halfway through the game.

Things get more interesting in the second phase. Once all the properties are owned, players take turns offering deals to each other in an attempt to extract value from their assets. There are Trump cards that allow players to collect profit from the bank if they own specific properties; cards that offer the ability to steal from other players; and cards that allow players to force other players to sell their properties.

Advice from the game's instructions

The amount of money inside each property is unclear, so the trick is to negotiate purchases, sales, and loans that maximize your cards and cash while still attempting to control valuable properties at the end of the game—which occurs when players run out of cards or simply refuse to make more deals.

In this phase, Kate and Tasbeeh collaborated on several property loans that reaped hundreds of millions; Jon liquidated all of his assets; and this writer negotiated a deal to eschew responsibility for expensing the meal. By the time the last card was played and the last deal was negotiated, Jon accrued $600 million in cash, with no property holdings, and ended up the game’s richest player.

“The fact that a 40-something was better than his millennial coworkers at handling money,” Jon said after the game, “It would’ve been embarrassing had it ended up any other way.”

When the game ended, I again asked my colleagues about their emotional well-being. These were their responses:

- Kate: “Confused. Also I need to brush up on my math skills.”

- Jon: “I’m sort of bemused by the world.”

- Tasbeeh: “I’m still scared and sad and angry.”

After thoughtful deliberation, we rated Trump: The Game three out of five egotistical Trump dice.

Illustration by Emily Lin

via The Howard Stern Show / YouTube

Former Secretary of State, first lady, and winner of the popular vote in the 2016 presidential election, Hillary Clinton, sat own for an epic, two-and-a--half hour interview with Howard Stern on his SiriusXM show Wednesday.

She was there to promote "The Book of Gutsy Women," a book about heroic women co-written with her daughter, Chelsea Clinton.

In the far-reaching conversation, Clinton and the self-proclaimed "King of All Media" and, without a doubt, the best interviewer in America discussed everything from Donald Trump's inauguration to her sexuality.

Keep Reading Show less

Offering parental leave for new fathers could help close the gender gap, removing the unfair "motherhood penalty" women receive for taking time off after giving birth. However, a new study finds that parental leave also has a pay gap. Men are less likely to take time off, however, when they do, they're more likely to get paid for it.

A survey of 2,966 men and women conducted by New America found that men are more likely to receive paid parental leave. Over half (52%) of fathers had fully paid parental leave, and 14% of fathers had partially paid parental leave. In comparison, 33% of mothers had fully paid parental leave and 19% had partially paid parental leave.

Keep Reading Show less

Bans on plastic bags and straws can only go so far. Using disposable products, like grabbing a plastic fork when you're on the go, can be incredibly convenient. But these items also contribute to our growing plastic problem.

Fortunately, you can cut down on the amount of waste you produce by cutting down on disposable products. And even more fortunately, there are sustainable (and cute) replacements that won't damage the environment.

Coconut bowls


Who says sustainable can't also be stylish? These cute coconut bowls were handmade using reclaimed coconuts, making each piece one of a kind. Not only are they organic and biodegradable, but they're also durable, in case your dinner parties tend to get out of hand. The matching ebony wood spoons were polished with the same coconut oil as the bowls.

Cocostation Set of 2 Vietnamese Coconut Bowls and Spoons, $14.99; at Amazon

Solar powered phone charger


Why spend time looking around for an outlet when you can just harness the power of the sun? This solar powered phone charger will make sure your phone never dies as long as you can bask in the sun's rays. As an added bonus, this charger was made using eco-friendly silicone rubber. It's win-win all around.

Dizaul Solar Charger, 5000mAh Portable Solar Power Bank, $19.95; at Amazon, $19.95; at Amazon

Herb garden kit

Planter Pro

Put some green in your life with this herb planter. The kit comes with everything you need to get a garden growing, including a moisture meter that helps you determine if your herbs are getting the right amount of food to flourish. All the seeds included are certified to be non-GMO and non-hybrids, meaning you can have fresh, organic herbs right at your fingertips.

Planter Pro's Herb Garden Cedar Planter, $39.00; at Amazonedar Planter, $39.00; at Amazon

Reusable Keurig cups

K & J

Keurig cups are convenient, but they also create a ton of plastic waste. These Keurig-compatible plastic cups are an easy way to cut down on the amount of trash you create without cutting down on your caffeine. Additionally, you won't have to keep on buying K Cups, which means you'll be saving money and the environment.

K&J Reusable Filter Cups, $8.95 for a set of 4,; at Amazon

Low-flow shower head


Low-flow water fixtures can cut down your water consumption, which saves you money while also saving one of the Earth's resources. This shower head was designed with a lighter flow in mind, which means you'll be able to cut down on water usage without feeling like you're cutting down on your shower.

Speakman Low Flow Shower Head, $14.58; at Amazon

Bamboo safety razor


Instead of throwing away a disposable razor every time you shave, invest in an eco-friendly, reusable one. This unisex shaver isn't just sustainable, it's also sharp-looking, which means it would make a great gift for the holidays.

Zomchi Safety Razor, $16.99; at Amazon

The Planet