GOOD

New NBA Contract Will Get Players Rich, But Forces Them To Give Up Hoverboards, Trampolines, And Fireworks

A giant pay raise comes with a hilarious list of prohibited activities.

Reports came in late last week that the NBA had reached an agreement with the players union over a new collective bargaining agreement. As expected, an influx of money from new TV deals will see players salaries jump by 20% or so over the life of the agreement, but with that pay raise comes a steep, steep price.

Namely, the players will have to give up “risky” activities as a trade off for health insurance and a generous pension for retired players. As you would imagine, “risky” in this context translates roughly to “anything and everything that’s fun in this world.” The list of prohibited activities includes fireworks, hoverboards, jet skiing and trampoline “jumping” (Though sitting on or pensively staring at a trampoline still seems to be ok.)


What the hell are the players supposed to do with 20% more money if they can’t spend it on hoverboarding around a trampoline attached to a jet ski?

The fact is that players still can (usually) participate in these activities, no matter how ill-advised, but if they manage to get themselves hurt doing them, the team has little or no liability in paying out the rest of the player’s otherwise-guaranteed contract. You can bet that the 4th of July misadventure that cost Jason Pierre-Paul his hand last year influenced the “fireworks” line item in the CBA:

These stipulations are actually quite common in all sports. Historically, skiing and motorcycle riding have been big no-nos due to the inherent risk of injury on both. But just two years ago, it seems all players were rolling around their postgame activities on hoverboards despite the fact that they’re basically packaged deathtraps.

Historically, the prohibited activities were usually written individually into play contracts, rather than the union’s collective bargaining agreement, which serves as a blanket prohibition for all players. Yup, even hoverboard fixture J.R. Smith, who’s likely to be devastated by this news:

A list of what’s banned from the boilerplate player contract (via Washington Post) includes, “ boxing, professional wrestling, motorcycling, moped-riding, auto-racing, sky-diving and hang-gliding.”

On a more serious note, the league, known to be the most progressive and proactive on social issues, has written new language in that outlines a “comprehensive” domestic violence policy. However, specific language from the CBA has yet to be released, so we’ll likely be waiting to until 2017 to check progress made on that pervasive issue in sports.

Sports
Screenshot via Sweden.se/Twitter (left) Wikimedia Commons (right)

Greta Thunberg has been dubbed the "Joan of Arc of climate change" for good reason. The 16-year-old activist embodies the courage and conviction of the unlikely underdog heroine, as well as the seemingly innate ability to lead a movement.

Thunberg has dedicated her young life to waking up the world to the climate crisis we face and cutting the crap that gets in the way of fixing it. Her speeches are a unique blend of calm rationality and no-holds-barred bluntness. She speaks truth to power, dispassionately and unflinchingly, and it is glorious.

Keep Reading Show less
The Planet
Ottawa Humane Society / Flickr

The Trump Administration won't be remembered for being kind to animals.

In 2018, it launched a new effort to reinstate cruel hunting practices in Alaska that had been outlawed under Obama. Hunters will be able to shoot hibernating bear cubs, murder wolf and coyote cubs while in their dens, and use dogs to hunt black bears.

Efforts to end animal cruelty by the USDA have been curtailed as well. In 2016, under the Obama Administration, the USDA issued 4,944 animal welfare citations, in two years the numbers dropped to just 1,716.

Keep Reading Show less
Science

The disappearance of 40-year-old mortgage broker William Earl Moldt remained a mystery for 22 years because the technology used to find him hadn't been developed yet.

Moldt was reported missing on November 8, 1997. He had left a nightclub around 11 p.m. where he had been drinking. He wasn't known as a heavy drinker and witnesses at the bar said he didn't seem intoxicated when he left.

Keep Reading Show less
Communities
via Real Time with Bill Maher / YouTube and The Late Late Show with James Corden / YouTube

A controversial editorial on America's obesity epidemic and healthcare by comedian Bill Maher on his HBO show "Real Time" inspired a thoughtful, and funny, response by James Cordon. It also made for a great debate about healthcare that Americans are avoiding.

At the end of the September 6th episode of "Real Time, " Maher turned to the camera for his usual editorial and discussed how obesity is a huge part of the healthcare debate that no one is having.

"At Next Thursday's debate, one of the candidates has to say, 'The problem with our healthcare system is Americans eat shit and too much of it.' All the candidates will mention their health plans but no one will bring up the key factor: the citizens don't lift a finger to help," Maher said sternly.

Keep Reading Show less
Politics
via Gage Skidmore

The common stereotypes about liberals and conservatives are that liberals are bleeding hearts and conservatives are cold-hearted.

It makes sense, conservatives want limited government and to cut social programs that help the more vulnerable members of society. Whereas liberals don't mind paying a few more dollars in taxes to help the unfortunate.

A recent study out of Belgium scientifically supports the notion that people who scored lower on emotional ability tests tend to have right-wing and racist views.

Keep Reading Show less
Politics