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The GOOD Report Card: Why #RumiWasntWhite Is The Hashtag You Need To Know, Plus 7 Other News Essentials

Oh yeah, and Hillary Clinton became the Democratic nominee for president

The joy and the outrage of this week in news.


Hillary Clinton becomes the first female major party candidate for the presidency

How about the next season of Broad City makes Abbi and Ilana White House interns for Hillary? Your move, Comedy Central!

Meryl Streep debuts Trump Face

The Greatest Actress of Our Time performed at the Shakespeare in the Park Public Theater Gala with Christine Baranski this week, and dressed in full Donald Trump garb to sing “Brush Up Your Shakespeare" from the musical Kiss Me, Kate. Because that’s what winners do.

The cast of Girls releases a PSA about sexual assault

Two things happened in the news this week: Hillary Clinton and the continuing developments from the Palo Alto sexual assault trial. This PSA made by the cast of Girls deals with the latter. Lena Dunham, Allison Williams, Zosia Mamet and Jemima Kirke came together to make “Because She’s A Person” to help give even more volume to the growing conversation around rape. They beseech viewers to stand up for women’s safety for the simple fact that women are people—not someone’s mother or sister or daughter—but people.

Hundreds of witches hex Brock Turner

Support has been pouring in from all corners of the internet for the Palo Alto rape victim, whose impact statement to the court has become perhaps the most important catalyzing force for fighting rape culture we’ve ever seen. Vice President Joe Biden even wrote an amazing letter commending her for her bravery. But the witches of the world were not content with writing letters, so hundreds of them came together—in an event organized via Facebook—to place a mass hex on her convicted rapist, Brock Turner. Here is an excerpt from the hex chant:

“In the most holy name of Hecate, the Goddess of Life and Death, She who holds the key to the underworld, let this rapist meet justice. Let him be destroyed.”


Zika Terror Freezing sperm before Olympics

Unlike pregnant Today Show anchor Savannah Guthrie, British long jumper Greg Ruthorford (the defending gold medalist) will be going to the Rio Olympics. But thanks to the Zika virus, he will be freezing a sample of his sperm before heading to the games. His wife, who is also skipping Brazil, told Standard Issue, “We’d love to have more children and with research in its infancy, I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation which could have been prevented.” Gold medal winning gymnast Gabby Douglas, on the other hand, doesn’t give a damn about Zika, telling the Associated Press, “It’s the Olympics. Mosquitoes? Like, whatever. I’m going. This is my shot. I don’t care about no stupid bugs.” We support you 100 percent, Gabby, but you definitely have nothing left to prove.

\nVariety confirms that Hollywood is terrible at diversity

Ninety percent of showrunners are white and 80 percent are male.



Conservative twitter account posts fake photo of “victim” at a protest

During a week when one of the biggest news stories centered on the sexual abuse of a woman, the Twitter user Cons_Nation might win this week’s award for Most Horrifyingly Tone Deaf Social Media Post. The account is no longer active, but the post in question featured an allegedly bloodied female Trump supporter who had been beaten mercilessly by a group of vicious liberals. In reality, that’s the face of Australian actress Samara Weaving, who was shooting an episode of Ash vs. The Evil Dead. Her makeup artist posted the photo to Instagram, presumably to show off her handy work. The caption on the photo from The Daily Mail article that distributed the image widely clears up any confusion. But we know how it goes when you get wrapped up in a political mob mentality. Fact checking and the ability to read are the first things to get tossed out of the window.

Leonardo DiCaprio cast to play Persian Muslim poet Rumi

Having learned nothing about anything from anyone, the filmmakers behind an upcoming biopic about the poet Rumi have cast Academy Award winning Caucasian-American Leonardo DiCaprio in the titular role.

The internet, and all sensible people, say NOPE.

Leo. You’ve got the Oscar. You didn’t need to do this.

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