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McDonald’s Just Introduced A Complicated New Straw That Has Everyone Scratching Their Heads

The complicated straw was made to maximize enjoyment of new combination Shamrock Shakes

For decades, customers have complained that McDonald’s straws were pretty much useless when used to drink milkshakes. The flimsy, thin straw would buckle under the power of your own suction. With most milkshakes, the problem solves itself as the shake melted and became thinner. But McDonald’s gum-based processed shakes didn’t really melt. They just sort of...got warmer.

But now, with the announcement of several new Shamrock Shakes, the fast food giant has swung the pendulum far in the other direction, with a straw that’s overengineered – seriously, twoengineering firms worked on it – to look more like mountain climbing equipment than it does any straw we’ve ever seen. Here’s the result of design, a determined product development team, and a 3D printer:

A ridiculous item like this requires an equally bombastic name, which McDonald’s has, of course, bestowed upon the item. It’s the STRAW. Naturally, it’s got an acronym as contrived as the device itself: Suction Tube for Reverse Axial Withdrawal.

The straw was designed so that the new shakes which consist of two tiers of flavors, can be enjoyed near-simultaneously. Note the holes in the upturned end:

McDonald's

See how those two holes would (ostensibly) allow for the inflow of not one but two flavors in shakes such as these:

McDonald's

Of course, the problem with an upturned straw is that you can only drink the beverage until it falls lower than the straw’s lowest opening. However, this device addresses that issue with a THIRD hole at the bottom of the U-shaped bend. That’s the attention to detail you get when you engage two engineering firms to design this thing.

A scant 2,000 of these straws will be available during Shamrock season (ie, “March”) so if this device should appear on your wishlist, you can visit one of the participating stores and score one with the purchase of a Chocolate Shamrock Shake.

Or you could hang tight and buy someone’s used straw on eBay.

Gross.