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The Wolfe Pit Eats The Legendary Cheeseburger In A Can

Would you dare take a bite?

Tod Perry
By Tod PerryJan 02, 2017
Tod Perry
Tod Perry is a freelance writer from Long Beach, California.
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The German people have a proud history of innovation. They’ve invented world-changing products and ideas such as the airbag, gummy bears, nuclear fission, and the theory of relativity. But one major failure that just about undoes anything created in Deutschland would have to be the cheeseburger in a can. Unavailable in the United States, YouTuber Larry Wolfe had a friend in Sweden round one up and ship it stateside so he could taste the culinary marvel so you don’t have to.

The Steakhouse Burger promises a juicy, premium-quality burger with cheese and bacon between two sesame seed buns. The burger is pumped up full of more preservatives than the corpse of Vladimir Lenin and promises not to expire until midway through the Trump administration. Undeterred by what may lurk beneath the tin’s lid, Wolfe opened the can for his audience. “Everything seems to be a soggy gummy mess,” Wolfe said after removing the hamburger-like substance from its aluminum sarcophagus.

Wolfe peeled off each layer to reveal curdled cheese, an undercooked patty soaked in special sauce and two soggy buns As for the taste? “Actually not too bad,” Wolfe said. “The main thing I tasted was the Worcestershire sauce.” After taking a few bites without swallowing, the reviewer put in the microwave for a few seconds which didn’t improve the experience. “The taste was still ok, but the texture—hot and cold—was horrid. It kinda felt like a hard, dry sponge in your mouth. Kinda like your mother-in law’s meatloaf.”

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