The GOOD Report Card: Kim Kardashian Is A Secret Instagram Agent Trying To Topple Iran
And Bernie Sanders wants to burn his party to the ground
We learned this week that Iranian authorities are keeping a close eye on the First Daughter of the Kardashian family, Megyn Kelly wasn’t that mad at Donald Trump after all and Robin Wright will not tolerate the Hollywood gender wage gap any longer. Here are the zeroes and the heroes you need to know about.
Robin Wright strong-arms for equal pay
Just call her Robin “Bitch Better Have My Money” Wright from now on. While talking to the Rockefellar Foundation on Tuesday, Wright explained that when she learned she was making millions of dollars less than her co-star, Kevin Spacey, for the same amount of screen time in the show House of Cards, she threatened to go public with the information unless Netflix paid her more. So they paid her more… and apparently Wright decided to go public anyway! The actress said at the Foundation event, “I was looking at the statistics and Claire Underwood's character was more popular than [Frank's] for a period of time. So I capitalized on it. I was like, 'You better pay me or I’m going to go public. And they did." Well played, Wright.
Tessa Thompson to play Valkyrie in Thor: Ragnarok\n
Marvel is on a roll! Following the news last week that Michael B. Jordan and Lupita Nyong’o might both appear in Ryan Coogler’s Black Panther movie, the Super Studio laid out an absolutely nuts round up for the third installment in the Thor franchise that includes Cate Blanchett, Karl Urban, Jeff Goldblum (#Goldbluminati shout out!), and, most excitingly, Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie (plainclothes name Samantha Parrington), a character Marvel officially describes as an “idealistic feminist” who is able to “mystically assume the superhumanly strong and durable form of the Valkyrie Brunnhilde, who was far stronger than the average Asgardian goddess.” Valkyrie is traditionally drawn as white with golden hair and blue eyes. But this is 2016, so F that let’s get the woefully underutilized Tessa Thompson up in this MCU. So, yes, almost all your favorite actors will now be superheroes.
Iran thinks Kim Kardashian is a secret agent
The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corp is keeping a close eye on Kim Kardashian, who they suspect is being bankrolled by Instagram CEO Kevin Systrom to infiltrate the social feeds of Iranian citizens for the purposes of promoting a lifestyle that runs deeply counter to the tenants of Islam. In a post on the site IranWire, a story called “Kim Kardashian, the Infiltrator” has the spokesman for Iran’s Organized Cyberspace Crimes Unit linking Kardashian and Systrom together in a plot to make fashion modeling “native to Iran,” saying that “They are targeting young people and women,” and “Ms. Kim Kardashian is a popular fashion model so Instagram’s CEO tells her, ‘make this native.’ There is no doubt that financial support is involved as well. We are taking this very seriously.” Something called Operation Spider 2 is responsible for ferreting out and shutting down accounts like Kardashian’s in Iran, with dozens of people having already been persecuted. High five to our girl Kim for repping the American Capitalist Way and making Iran nervous with her selfies about how to contour correctly.
NOT SO GOOD:
Bernie Sanders will not back down
The maverick Democrat is apparently prepared to nuke his party rather the cede the primary fight to Hillary Clinton, who, thanks to her superdelegate count, needs just under 100 more to clinch the presidential nomination for the blue team. The New York Times has a Sanders adviser saying he is "newly resolved to remain in the race,” which is aided by a Fox News poll this week that put his favorability ratings over both Trump and Clinton in a general election. That same poll has Trump over Clinton, and says 10 percent of Sanders voters would side with Trump if he were to go against Clinton on the ballot. Republicans are, of course, pouncing on this information and playing up the rift in the Democratic party, and Slate published a story this week called “The Case for Panicking” about the very real possibility of Democrats cannibalizing each other. Meanwhile, Trump’s recent list of hypothetical supreme court nominees is helping his credibility among more moderate conservatives. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re PART OF THE PROBLEM, Bernie. Don’t make us tell you twice!
Megyn Kelly goes soft on Trump
After a months long media feud with Donald Trump, Megyn Kelly sat down face-to-face with the future Republican presidential nominee, and it was… underwhelming. Leading up to the interview, Trump had referred to Kelly as a “bimbo”, a “lightweight” and a “third-rate reporter,” all of which resulted in Fox News releasing a statement that condemned his “extreme, sick obsession with her.” So, this head to head was a real chance for Kelly to hold Trump’s feet to the fire over his hypocrisy and out right lies, but instead it was kind of a hand holding party. Slate called it “fawning and disgusting.” The New Yorker compared Kelly’s questions to “crushed velvet” while The Washington Post labeled the interaction “bankrupt,” and The New York Times called the whole thing a “convivial, easygoing interview.” Too bad, Megyn Kelly. We were starting to like you a little bit.
PART OF THE PROBLEM:
Oklahoma passes bill to ban abortion
In a truly terrifying step backwards, the Oklahoma state senate passed a bill on Thursday by a vote of 33-12 that would make performing an abortion a felony offense—punishable with up to three years in prison—and would result in physicians having their medical licenses revoked if they broke the law. That bill passed through the Oklahoma House of Representatives last month by a similarly wide 59-9 margin, and now moves on to the desk of anti-abortion Governor Mary Fallon for her signature. According to The Associated Press, State Senator Nathan Dahm hopes the bill, called SB 1552, will be a step towards eventually repealing Roe v. Wade, saying that, "Since I believe life begins at conception, it should be protected, and I believe it's a core function of state government to defend that life from the beginning of conception." Be afraid. Be very afraid.