GOOD

Buy You a Drink: Herman Cain

GOOD's resident mixologist designs a 9-9-9 Cocktail to ease Herman Cain's pain.


\n
Welcome to Buy You a Drink, where GOOD's resident mixologist offers a free libation to one thirsty newsmaker each week. This week: allegedly grope-y Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain.

Apparently Herman Cain is still running for president. I tried ignoring him until he went away, like a high school crush or post-viral pityriasis, but it didn’t work. Developments that have so far failed to oust Herman Cain from the race: His own ignorance of basic foreign policy facts; his baffling and contradictory statements on abortion; a deluge of sexual harassment allegations stemming from his time as head of the National Restaurant Association. Are there confused Republicans out there who support Cain purely because they heard that he was once “president of the NRA”?

But now it's November, that rainy month when we remember what Axl Rose taught us: Nothing lasts forever. The new month brought with it Sharon Bialek, who faced the media to detail just what Cain expects in exchange for a “palatial suite” upgrade at the Capitol Hilton. Bialek's testimony is just the latest indication that the Cain campaign may be well past its Appetite for Destruction phase and careening rapidly toward Chinese Democracy. Disclaimer: The candidate would prefer that you not ask him any questions about China, or about democracy.

I think it’s time to buy Herman Cain a drink.

\n
The Call: "The 9-9-9 Cocktail"
Only a drink based on a catchphrase will suffice for a candidate so vaguely unsettling and unsettlingly vague that he appeals primarily to voters otherwise inclined toward the negative space on the ballot. Named after Mr. Cain’s much-trumpeted 9-9-9 Plan to revolutionize American taxation, the "9-9-9 Cocktail" is sweet and bubbly enough for those moments when you’re feeling like a frontrunner, yet boozy and bitter enough to fortify you for the letdown that surely lies ahead.

Like Cain, my 9-9-9 Cocktail hails from a border state. He was born in Memphis; I began with a recipe for the venerable Seelbach Cocktail, which hails from Louisville, Kentucky. The Seelbach was created at a hotel of the same name in 1917 and served there until Prohibition, whereupon it disappeared for roughly 75 years. Thankfully, the Seelbach has made it back into the canon, where it is stands alone in its call for massive amounts of aromatic bitters, just as Cain stands alone in his call for a national tax on consumption. These novel positions may be the best thing about both the cocktail and the candidate.

\n
For the 9-9-9, I began with nine dashes each of Angostura and Peychaud’s bitters, to represent the 9 percent sales and business transactions tax that conservatives find the most bitter in Cain’s plan. Then, I flattened nine raspberries, for that flat 9 percent income tax that sweetens the deal for supply-siders. I combined the bitters and the flattened berries with the Cointreau and bourbon from the original recipe, but I upgraded to barrel-strength bourbon, lest the whiskey flavor get lost among all those nines. You may wish to warn your guests that you expect no particular quid pro quo for breaking out the more palatial bourbon—particularly if you tend bar at the Capitol Hilton.
The 9-9-9 Cocktail\n

1 oz. barrel-strength bourbon (I used Four Roses OBSQ Recipe, 110.2 proof)
½ oz. Cointreau
9 dashes Angostura bitters
9 dashes Peychaud’s bitters
9 raspberries
4.5 oz. patriotic American sparkling wine

Muddle raspberries in a cocktail shaker. Add bourbon, bitters, and Cointreau, with a few pieces of cracked ice. Stir. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a Champagne flute. Slowly top with sparkling wine.\n
\n
The successful 9-9-9 Cocktail is a luminous red with a slight cloud of foam on its crown. Think of it as an alcoholic mnemonic for drinkers who have a hard time remembering which red-flagged nations have mushroom-cloud-producing weapons.
Road-testing the 9-9-9, I found it elegant and fruity, yet stiff enough to bolster my courage for a date with the GOP frontrunner’s recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. I needed that extra-strong whiskey as I watched Cain discuss his readiness to weather the rest of November—“I will talk about any and all future firestorms!”—and leer over the host’s pizza preferences—“Maybe you need to think thicker and bigger.” By the end of the interview, I was convinced someone had already slipped Herman Cain a few 9-9-9s.
Claim your free cocktail* or share your favorite creepy, smoke-filled campaign ad by e-mailing mixologymailbag@gmail.com.
* Offer of free cocktail only applicable to Herman Cain.\n
Articles
via Real Time with Bill Maher / YouTube and The Late Late Show with James Corden / YouTube

A controversial editorial on America's obesity epidemic and healthcare by comedian Bill Maher on his HBO show "Real Time" inspired a thoughtful, and funny, response by James Cordon. It also made for a great debate about healthcare that Americans are avoiding.

At the end of the September 6th episode of "Real Time, " Maher turned to the camera for his usual editorial and discussed how obesity is a huge part of the healthcare debate that no one is having.

"At Next Thursday's debate, one of the candidates has to say, 'The problem with our healthcare system is Americans eat shit and too much of it.' All the candidates will mention their health plans but no one will bring up the key factor: the citizens don't lift a finger to help," Maher said sternly.

Keep Reading Show less
Politics

There is no shortage of proposals from the, um, what's the word for it… huge, group of Democratic presidential candidates this year. But one may stand out from the pack as being not just bold but also necessary; during a CNN town hall about climate change Andrew Yang proposed a "green amendment" to the constitution.

Keep Reading Show less
test
Me Too Kit

The creator of the Me Too kit — an at home rape kit that has yet to hit the market — has come under fire as sexual assault advocates argue the kit is dangerous and misleading for women.

The kit is marketed as "the first ever at home kit for commercial use," according to the company's website. "Your experience. Your kit. Your story. Your life. Your choice. Every survivor has a story, every survivor has a voice." Customers will soon be able order one of the DIY kits in order to collect evidence "within the confines of the survivor's chosen place of safety" after an assault.

"With MeToo Kit, we are able to collect DNA samples and other tissues, which upon testing can provide the necessary time-sensitive evidence required in a court of law to identify a sexual predator's involvement with sexual assault," according to the website.

Keep Reading Show less
Health

Villagers rejoice as they receive the first vaccines ever delivered via drone in the Congo

The area's topography makes transporting medicines a treacherous task.

Photo by Henry Sempangi Senyule

When we discuss barriers to healthcare in the developed world, affordability is commonly the biggest concern. But for some in the developing world, physical distance and topography can be the difference between life and death.

Widjifake, a hard-to-reach village in northwestern Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) with a population of 6,500, struggles with having consistent access to healthcare supplies due to the Congo River and its winding tributaries.

It can take up to three hours for vehicles carrying supplies to reach the village.

Keep Reading Show less
Health
via Keith Boykin / Twitter

Fox News and President Trump seem like they may be headed for a breakup. "Fox is a lot different than it used to be," Trump told reporters in August after one of the network's polls found him trailing for Democrats in the 2020 election.

"There's something going on at Fox, I'll tell you right now. And I'm not happy with it," he continued.

Some Fox anchors have hit back at the president over his criticisms. "Well, first of all, Mr. President, we don't work for you," Neil Cavuto said on the air. "I don't work for you. My job is to cover you, not fawn over you or rip you, just report on you."

Keep Reading Show less
Politics