On a Saturday afternoon in late June gay rights history was made in an unlikely location—the Airforce's McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst base in southern New Jersey. Before 150 of their favorite people (but with no parents) Tech. Sgt. Erwynn Umali donned his dress blues to wed his tuxedo clad groom, Will Behrens. Never before had a gay union ceremony—not a "wedding," this is Jersey after all—taken place in a U.S. military institution.
Umali is the son of strict Catholic immigrants from the Philippines. Behrens is the son of a fundamentalist Baptist minister. Each men had been previously married to women and each had two children. They met in the Baptist church where Behrens served as the choir director. Nothing about their biographies, points out Slate's Katherine Goldstein, would indicate that these two men would be gay rights trail blazers.
Goldstein details the painful lengths they went to during their courtship to evade neighbors, friends, and colleagues in order to not be outed and risk Umali's removal under Don't Ask Don't Tell.
He caught a member of the church surreptitiously taking photos of him and Will together at Wal-Mart. Was she building a case to turn in to the military? Erwynn didn’t know. The couple strategized about how they would get by on one income if Erwynn was discharged. Whenever they went out to eat dinner or buy groceries, they scanned for familiar faces. Even on trips to Philadelphia or New York City, they ran into people they knew. Nowhere felt safe.
In the summer of 2011, with the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell imminent, Behrens got down on a knee and proposed to Umali. They moved into a tidy townhouse just a short drive from the base. Umali came out to his fellow airmen:
Erwynn announced that he wanted to thank a particular person for support and encouragement in helping him succeed. Everyone assumed he was referring to a colleague. Instead, he announced that this person was his partner and fiance, Will Behrens. Two beats of dead silence were followed by a standing ovation.
Their house is the easiest to pick out of their suburban neighborhood—it's the one with them most American flags out front, writes Goldstein. Last month Umali and Behrens marched into their reception, under a traditional military honor guard saber arch, and danced with their children to "It's Raining Men," and then all flew to Disney World for a week. Now that's American, no matter what the President of Chick-fil-A says.
Images courtesy of Jeff Sheng
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Grieving couple comforting each other
This response to someone grieving a friend might be the best internet comment ever
When someone is hit with the sudden loss of a friend or loved one, words rarely feel like enough. Yet, more than a decade ago, a wise Redditor named GSnow shared thoughts so profound they still bring comfort to grieving hearts today.
Originally posted around 2011, the now-famous reply was rediscovered when Upvoted, an official Reddit publication, featured it again to remind everyone of its enduring truth. It began as a simple plea for help: “My friend just died. I don't know what to do.”
What followed was a piece of writing that many consider one of the internet’s best comments of all time. It remains shared across social media, grief forums, and personal messages to this day because its honesty and metaphor speak to the raw reality of loss and the slow, irregular path toward healing.
Below is GSnow’s full reply, unchanged, in all its gentle, wave-crashing beauty:
Why this advice still matters
Mental health professionals and grief counselors often describe bereavement in stages or phases, but GSnow’s “wave theory” gives an image more relatable for many. Rather than a linear process, grief surges and retreats—sometimes triggered by a song, a place, or a simple morning cup of coffee.
In recent years, this metaphor has found renewed relevance. Communities on Reddit, TikTok, and grief support groups frequently reshare it to help explain the unpredictable nature of mourning.
Many readers say this analogy helps them feel less alone, giving them permission to ride each wave of grief rather than fight it.
Finding comfort in shared wisdom
Since this comment first surfaced, countless people have posted their own stories underneath it, thanking GSnow and passing the words to others facing fresh heartbreak. It’s proof that sometimes, the internet can feel like a global support group—strangers linked by shared loss and hope.
For those searching for more support today, organizations like The Dougy Center, GriefShare, and local bereavement groups offer compassionate resources. If you or someone you know is struggling with intense grief, please reach out to mental health professionals who can help navigate these deep waters.
When grief comes crashing like the ocean, remember these words—and hang on. There is life between the waves.
This article originally appeared four years ago.